


Regrets Collect Like Old Friends

by brokenhighways



Series: Regrets Collect [1]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Cop AU, Crimes & Criminals, M/M, Psychic Abilities
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-24
Updated: 2012-07-24
Packaged: 2017-11-10 16:01:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 68,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/468100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenhighways/pseuds/brokenhighways
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1196946/">[based on The Mentalist]</a>. Celebrity psychic Jared Padalecki is drawn into a cruel game with the media dubbed “Valentine Killer” when he insults him on live television. His best friend is murdered in cold blood, and that coupled with a thunderous clash with his old flame - CBI Agent Jensen Ackles - leads to him having a publicized breakdown. But soon he’s back and gunning for the murderer while trying to come to the terms with the deep running attraction between himself and Jensen. Little does he know that he’s in way over his head on both counts.</p><p>Disclaimer: This story is as real as the California Bureau of Investigation (which I shamelessly stole from the CBS/The Mentalist). I make no profit from this & intend no harm to anyone I use as characters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This story is as real as the California Bureau of Investigation (which I shamelessly stole from the CBS/The Mentalist). I make no profit from this & intend no harm to anyone I use as characters. 
> 
> Written for the 2012 [spn_j2_bigbang challenge](http://spn-j2-bigbang.livejournal.com). You don't need to have seen The Mentalist to understand this fic.

# 

# Prologue

 

**SACRAMENTO HERALD | PAGE 3**

 

                             

_  
_

The elusive Valentine Killer has been roaming the streets of California for three months now, one month since he took his last victim and we want to pose these questions. Residents of California and people in the country want to know who is causing these senseless acts of violence, why haven’t the California Bureau of Investigation released more pertinent details and what links the victims together? Rumour has it that the CBI has been completely stumped by this case. There are no clues, no leads - essentially nothing. This basically means that the killer is practically free to kill again without any repercussions. We approached Special Agent Jensen Ackles (the agent in charge of the case) for some details but he was unavailable for comment.  An insider however, offered to gives us a brief lowdown on each victim and advice on how we can all remain safe.

**  
**

** VICTIM 1: KRISTEN BELL **

Kristen Bell (32) a housewife living in Marin County with her husband and family. Her family reports that she’d been having some problems of late and seemed more stressed out than usual. On the night of her murder, Mrs Bell was supposed to be staying with her sister in Sacramento, minutes away from where her body was later discovered in McKinley Park. However, her sister Anna Perkins told the Sacramento Police Department that she simply did not turn up. _“I waited for over an hour, but there was no sign of her, and she didn’t call or anything. That’s not like my sister so I immediately began to fear the worst”_. When asked if she could think of anyone who would want to harm her sister Ms Perkins said, _“No, not at all. She was just a housewife living in Marin County, sure she had some enemies but not to the extent that they’d want to kill her”._

** VICTIM 2: ALEXIS BLEDEL **

Alexis Bledel (18) was last seen making a trip to the mall. A source close to the family reports that her parents were quite used to this behaviour as she was known to have stayed out all night on several occasions. Local news reports noted that she’d vanished for over a month at one point before her parents enlisted outside help to bring her back.  
  


** VICTIM 3: ALDIS HODGE **

Aldis Hodge (26) was a young college student attending UC Davis. The word around campus is that he had been dealing with a recent break up and “ _Hadn’t been in a good place for few weeks”_. _Like the other victims, Hodge left to go somewhere (in this case, the mall) and did not return. His friends alerted the authorities who discovered the body the following day._

As of yet there is nothing to link the three of the victims but the CBI assure us that they have their best men and resources at their disposal. Residents are advised to remain on alert at all times, to avoid going at out late on your own and to make sure that you’re able to contact the police if anything strange catches your eye.

_  
_

_~*~_

_  
_

_It’s a cold, windy night and there’s an earthy smell in the air, and he knows that the rain is coming soon. The trees roar as they’re attacked by the harsh gale, and he shrugs his jacket closer to his body, swaying slightly as the momentum causes him to stumble. He’s too angry to care about the impending storm, so he keeps on walking, if he’s lucky he’ll make it to his friend’s apartment in twenty minutes.  Fifteen minutes longer than it’d take him to get home, but he’s not in the mood for that. He’s tired of all of the arguing and tension and, just for one day, he wants a break. So he’s the only one that cares, so be it. He’s had enough.  
A newspaper with the headline “WILL THE VALENTINE KILLER STRIKE AGAIN?” _ _whips past him, and a chill creeps down his spine. He tenses up even more and mutters to himself angrily.  He’s not scared of anything, but he consciously picks up his pace a little. It’s late, and there’s a killer outside. No one can fault him for taking precautions. Maybe after what happened tonight he **is** scared. But not for himself - for his…no, he’s not going to think about any of this. Not now. He’s just going to focus on getting to the apartment and feeling safe and warm again. _  
  
__

_Besides, what could possibly happen in twenty minutes?_   
  


~*~  
  


 


	2. Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [based on The Mentalist]. Celebrity psychic Jared Padalecki is drawn into a cruel game with the media dubbed “Valentine Killer” when he insults him on live television. His best friend is murdered in cold blood, and that coupled with a thunderous clash with his old flame - CBI Agent Jensen Ackles - leads to him having a publicized breakdown. But soon he’s back and gunning for the murderer while trying to come to the terms with the deep running attraction between himself and Jensen. Little does he know that he’s in way over his head on both counts.

# Part One

 

Jensen sighs as his cell blares out his generic ring tone, distorting the still silence of his bedroom. He shifts under his duvet as he stretches to grab it off his nightstand.  
“Agent Ackles,” he says as he answers.  
“Sir, there’s been another murder”.  
Jensen's feels a weird emotion in the pit of his stomach, his heart sinking as he pushes back the covers and gets out of his bed while the minor details are relayed to him over the phone. His apartment is only fifteen minutes away from the crime scene, so he'll be there in twenty-five. Less if he uses his siren. Jensen works as a Senior Special Agent for the prestigious California Bureau of Investigation. They mainly deal with murder cases, politically motivated cases and anything the local police departments can't handle. It means that they end up butting heads with a lot of people, and thus Jensen's job is a major pain in the ass. But in some fucked up way, he enjoys it, craves the adrenaline rush he gets when they close a case and lock away douche-bags who think that they're above the law. Even if he's left completing a tedious amount of paperwork at the end of the day, it's one less bad guy on the streets. Nobody loves a serial killer but for cops it's a little different. These kinds of case are the ones that can make your career. So naturally things are tense, people are on edge and eager to impress. Which just makes Jensen's job twice as hard as it needs to be; he supposes that’s just par for the course.

   
The body is located hidden behind a tree and bush covered area in McKinley Park, same place as the other bodies had been discovered. This has been puzzling the CBI because ever since the first murder the park has been under constant surveillance. But as Jensen pulls up to McKinley Boulevard which borders the north side of the park he realises that it's a 32-acre park and therefore impossible to watch every little thing that goes on. As he gets out of the car, he scans the area and not for the first time he can't shake the feeling that something is weird about the situation.  
  
When he reaches the crime scene he takes a deep breath as he approaches the yellow crime tape, lifting it up as he slides under it. A Sacramento PD officer spots him and comes over with an affected look on his face. He shows Jensen over to the body. The victim appears to be in their early 30s, with dark brown hair and he's sporting a trendy jacket, and what looks like designer jeans. He looks familiar somehow and Jensen turns to the officer and raises an eyebrow as if to say, 'well, say something’.  
"Victim had ID on him, the name’s Milo Ventimiglia, sir" the officer says and Jensen swears out loud.  
                                                                                                      
~*~  
  
This is only the latest development of the on-going case to find "The Valentine Killer". The press had dubbed him/her with that name after it got out that the victims had their hearts missing. Rather reluctantly and only on the advice of the media adviser the CBI had begun to use the name as well. Milo Ventimiglia had been the fourth victim so far and possibly the most controversial. His body was in the same condition, heart surgically removed and all traces of blood cleaned up before the chest was sown up back together.  They'd all but decided that the killer had to have been an expert in that field, but so far they didn't have a lot to go on. All crime scenes had been devoid of any real evidence and according to the crime scene investigation guys, almost certainly not where the victims had been killed. Not that the killer would perform open heart surgery in the open without access to his tools, but hey, unlike the TV show, the crime scene investigation team didn't magically solve cases. Neither did a certain _celebrity psychic_ who couldn't keep his mouth shut, Jensen thought as he watched the tape of said psychic’s show from the previous night.  
  
-  
 _Presenter: So Jared what do you make of this elusive, cold-blooded Valentine Killed  
Padalecki: Uh, well I'm no expert on serial killers.  
Presenter: Come on, you're a psychic; you must be able to get a read on this disturbed person.  
Padalecki: He or she strikes me as a lonely, spiteful person full of rage and jealousy. They kill because they want more control over their miserable lives, they revel in other people’s suffering.  
Presenter: And what does the removal of the heart symbolise?  
Padalecki: That they're desperate for love, so much so that they try to feed off of their victims._ _Perhaps they feel betrayed by a loved one, and they’re too narcissistic to get over it?_ _  
_  
-  
To make matters worse the case had just gotten more complicated as the latest victim happened to be the best friend and publicist of one Jared Padalecki. Jensen didn't usually make the habit of blaming people, but he was pretty sure that tens of millions of people (including the killer) had watched as Padalecki had openly insulted the Valentine Killer on live television. And Jensen was pissed. He'd had a few run-ins with Padalecki. Sometimes families thought it'd be a good idea to pay him off when the CBI were investigating a case and had hit a stumbling block. Of course there’d been a time when they were…’friends’ but that had burned out eventually. It’s not like Jensen regularly thought about him or anything.  But he had last night after the moron had said all of that crap on air. Not only that, Padalecki appeared to have been the last person to have seen the victim and as of now still had no concrete alibi. Jensen had sent two of his agents to bring the man into the station voluntarily but with force if he’d disagreed. Lack of alibi didn’t mean that Padalecki was the killer; just that Jensen was obliged to at least bring him in.

 

Unfortunately, he is also the one that has to interview the man.  
  
:::

  
"Do you want a lawyer present during the course of the interview?" Jensen asks, as he sits down with a blank look plastered on his face. Padalecki just looks unaffected by the whole situation and Jensen already feels himself getting irritated.  
  
“Agent Ackles,” Padalecki says with a small smile, “It’s always nice to see you”. It’s almost more of a grimace than a smile and Jensen almost snorts at the thought of this man caring about someone other than himself.  
“Well I can’t say the same about you,” Jensen quips, “So where were you between 12am – 1am last night?” Padalecki looks surprised at the questioning beginning so soon and Jensen wonders if he thought Jensen would go easy on him. Usually, Jensen would be but he’s met Padalecki before and…well their relationship is turbulent at best. Plus he’s not happy about Padalecki possibly screwing up their case. The younger man runs a hand through his (too long, in Jensen’s professional opinion) hair and makes a frustrated noise.  
“Watching television, a late rerun of my show to be exact,” he answers and Jensen feels a spike of anger at the mention of it.  
“The episode where you stupidly mocked a  _serial killer?_ ” he asks sarcastically and to his surprise Padalecki simply nods.  
   
Jensen examines the man in front of him silently. His chestnut, brown hair is long, and messy, strands out of place from where he’s been running his hands through it. That thought brings up a memory that Jensen has shoved down to the bottom of his brain, and he quickly moves on from that. His angular face is pale and tear stained and his eyes red and puffy from either being on the verge of tears or actually crying. Something Jensen doesn’t think this man is capable of. As awful as he looks, Padalecki still manages to retain his good looks.  
   
“I can read your mind you know,” Padalecki remarks and Jensen blushes; glad that he hasn’t actually started to feel sorry for the asshole yet.  He pretends to shuffle the papers in front of him as he avoids Padalecki’s gaze.  
   
“No you can’t,” he grumbles quietly, annoyed that Padalecki is distracting him here. He tries to muster up some of the anger he had in him before he’d come into the room.  
   
“Maybe I can, maybe I can’t,” Padalecki says with a laugh, “But your blush totally gave you away” and that right there brings it all back. The anger and annoyance at this man for getting an innocent man killed. In the limelight and to everyone else, Padalecki claims to be a psychic, yet he’s told Jensen differently on several occasions that Jensen most definitely does not think about. . And Jared – no _Padalecki_ – is far too fucking chirpy for someone who is supposed to be grieving. They’re not friends, and their history is in the past. He repeat this mantra in his head as he schools his face back into a blank expression once again before he returns to his questioning,  
   
“You state that Mr Ventimiglia left your house at around 11.03 pm; what were you doing before he left?” Jensen’s not really sure about the nature of Padalecki and Ventimiglia’s relationship. In public, they’re known as best friends with a working relationship but as with all celebrities’ - rumours get around. The main one being that the two were in fact lovers. Not that Jensen cares about any of Padalecki’s relationships.  
   
“The usual stuff,” Padalecki says before he sighs and continues, “We fought, he was pissed that I said all of that shit on TV, I’d promised to stop with the fake psychic stuff”  
“Care to elaborate on fake psychic?” Jensen asks – for the benefit of the tape of course – as he makes some side notes on the official statement in front of him.  
“Everything  _you_  believe about my abilities is correct, hell you’re the only one apart from Milo that I’ve told until now.” The mention of their past makes something in his chest throb (a very dull one because he’s over Jared, has been for a long time) and he snaps,  
   
“I think you’re a fraud!” But Padalecki doesn’t waver, he just remains as smooth as always,  
“And you would be right,” Jared sighs again and Jensen can see the strain on his face, and he hates that he’s beginning to feel sorry for him because not only has he compromised their investigation, he’s also indirectly responsible for this death, “I’d stopped the fake readings , you know, the stupid parties and what not, but I’m contracted to do the show for another three months”  
“It’s not as though you couldn’t get out of it somehow, it’s not like you can’t afford a good lawyer”  
“Lawyers make me nervous,” Jared replies smoothly, and Jensen simply blinks at him. _They make him nervous?_ “Milo was getting impatient, said I should just refuse to do it anymore. It was weird, there was something that he wasn’t telling me”  
“Or maybe you got angry, maybe this is some elaborate scheme to fool us all into believing your innocence, I mean - would you really be that stupid on live television or was it all a ploy?” Jensen says and Padalecki glares at him, his mouth morphing into a thin line as he starts to become angry.  
“Either charge me or let me go, because I’m bored with this now”. Jensen sighs and looks up at the mirrored wall behind him where he knows that his team will be gathered. Usually he’d allow Agent Welling to do the questioning, because his blunt and direct manner usually gets people to talk, but he’d wanted to handle this himself because of his and Jared’s history together. Well he’d at least felt as though he had to, it didn’t matter if he maybe wasn’t exactly sure about the reasons. Not that anyone knew about the two of them, hell Jared hadn’t even indicated that anything had ever happened between them - not that Jensen expected him to.  
  
“You said that you were at home, can anyone vouch for you?” he asks but before he can hear Jared’s answer, there’s a knock on the door and Agent Kane enters and motions for Jensen to come to the door. Jensen pauses the tape after stating the time and reason for the interruption and makes his way over to the door.  
“What is it?” he asks and Kane motions to a young woman sitting inside the main office. “That’s Padalecki’s tenant, apparently she’s renting the pool house. Anyway she confirmed that Padalecki was there until this morning” Jensen’s not surprised of course, but as he looks at the girl he can’t help getting a sense that she’ll be more helpful to them later on. He ignores his own feelings about the fact that that Jared’s alibi has come through, because while he knows that Jared isn’t really capable of murder, actual evidence means a lot more than his gut instinct. But they’re back down to zero suspects now, and the press will simply go back to vilifying them as usual.

 

Fucking perfect.  
  
~*~  
  
Jared looks up as Jensen re-enters the room, the man’s always been good at hiding his emotions but Jared’s always been able to read people the same way they can read books. The jury’s still out on whether or not that’s a good thing, because he’s getting some serious vibes of dissent from Jensen. He can tell from the look on Jensen’s face that something has come up. Most importantly something that has put an end to this absurd line of questioning that Jensen had just begun to broach, insinuating that _he_ was the killer. It doesn’t take long for him to add up the pieces.  
  
“”I always forget about Rachel,” he muses as Jensen sits back down across from him, “Damn, I should have asked her to move into the main house after the first murder. Guess I’m a sucky landlord” he winks at Jensen. Angers flares up inside Jensen and he can’t prevent the outburst before he lets it out,  
“Okay - stop. Stop screwing around, this is a murder investigation, and your supposedly best friend is _dead_ because of _your_ actions! Just be serious for five minutes here or maybe you’ll go back to being a suspect. I’m sure that won’t be good for your career.” Jared’s face darkens and Jensen leans back in his chair. Instead of the response Jensen is expecting Jared just calmly asks,  
“What actions?” he pauses as Jensen gives him and exasperated look, “Everything I said was accurate, it was  foolish of me but I did not ask him or her to kill anyone much less someone that I cared about!” Jared berates himself silently for allowing his emotions to break through the walls he’d put up when he’d been asked down to the station. Fuck Agent Ackles and his probing questions and statements, maybe he should give the man a few home truths.  
  
“That’s the thing with you cops, always looking for the easy option. I’m convenient but not actually guilty but you’ll be looking for anything you can pin me down with. Milo and I had our issues and oh, that’s motive! Suddenly _I’m responsible_ for four murders - where’s the logic?”  
  
“Nobody is accusing you of anything yet,” Jensen states and that just riles Jared up even further. He crows silently when he sees the look of resignation on Jensen’s face but that mean streak inside of him pushes him to go further. Hey, no one ever said that he was a nice person. Quite the contrary depending on who you spoke to.  
  


"As for you, you're wound up so tightly that nobody wants to get close to you, so you're lonely, possibly depressed. That's why you throw yourself into work even though you're so withdrawn from the real world that you pretend that you don't want that special someone who will ground you and love you for who you are". Jensen gapes at him momentarily before he says,  
"That's enough Jared" but he's not done yet. Not by a long shot.    
"You're a seething mass of self-loathing and anger, you should really do something about it--" he wants to say more, but he's suddenly bored with the situation. And he didn't have any breakfast either.  
"Either arrest or charge me, or I'm outta here" he starts to stand up, tugging down his plain black long sleeved Henley. It dawns on him then that he doesn't even know what will happen to Milo's body. Does he plan the funeral or do his parents? He's never had to watch someone he loved be lain to rest. He's by the door when he hears,  
"Oh no you don't" Jensen appears to have found his voice again, and Jared can't help looking back at him curiously. He knows that their conversation is being watched and listened to, and he wonders what they are thinking about what is happening. He can tell from the way that Jensen's shoulders are tensed up that he wants to retaliate, but part of him doesn't want to hear it. Jensen is up and slamming the door before he can leave. His vibrant, green eyes are flashing with anger, but to Jared they're still beautiful. Focus, Jared, he scolds himself mentally as he watches Jensen's chest heave up and down slowly. Idly he recognises it as one of the methods he'd taught the older man on how to keep your emotions in check. He bites back the urge to inform Jensen that he's too angry for it too work, he can feel the intensity of it and well. Seething mass of anger? Damn right he is.  
"Who do you think you are?" Jensen demands to know, " _I'm_ the person in charge here, _I_ call the shots - not you and your stupid fake psychic crap. I have to investigate _all_ possibilities and if that includes you, suck it up and deal with it! Murder often isn't 'logical,' Jared, what kind of callous, heartless bastard are you?” Your... _friend_ is dead because _you_ couldn't keep your trap shut! Surely a false magician such as yourself can predict the future - oh right, I forgot - you're only a _fake_ psychic". It's nothing that Jared hasn't heard before but for once he can't just ignore the words, and for some reason they sting a lot. Normally words just bounce right off of him, but right now they're sticking to him like glue.  
"You claim to know my entire life story, so here's yours - you're a liar and a fraud. And now, you’re practically a murderer. Doesn't matter if you weren't the one to thrust the knife in - you killed your friend. You just hide behind this stupid façade, because you don’t want anyone to see the real you. . Well, congratulations!" Jensen is up in his face now, and Jared feels an emotion tugging his heart that he's never felt before.

 

He pushes Jensen back and wrenches the door open. He needs to get the he'll out of here and get some air.

As he leaves he promptly ignores the voice inside his head that tells him that every word Jensen said was right.

 

3 months later. _  
_  
Jensen comes rushing into the building, clutching a cup of Starbucks coffee and what's left of his cream cheese bagel in his left hand and his jacket in his right. He sees a swarm of reporters in the lobby area but ignores them in favour of heading briskly over to the elevator. He doesn't have to wait long for it to reach the ground level and a quick glance at his watch tells him that he's ten minutes late. He forgot to set his alarm before he went to bed last night and well, let's just say that he never was a morning person.

The doors are just about to close when a large, tan hand darts in between them and pushes the doors back open.  Jensen's scowl morphs into a shocked expression when he sees the owner of the hand. It’s _Jared freaking Padalecki_.  Jared doesn't press a button so the elevator goes up to the sixth floor which is where Jensen's unit is stationed. Jared doesn't acknowledge his presence, and Jensen shrugs it off and also remains silent.

 

To be fair he can't say that he's surprised. After the way their last conversation had ended a lot had changed. He'd been shunned in the office for a few days because a few of his colleagues had found his behaviour unacceptable, and Jensen hadn't given them the explanation that they'd wanted. Somehow he didn't think 'He gets under my skin' was something that he would ever want to admit to. So he'd weathered the storm and everything had died down. Of course that’s when Padalecki had gone and had a breakdown two weeks later and ended up institutionalised. It'd made Jensen feel worse than he had before, because he wasn't a malicious person; nor had he ever wanted to stoop down to Jared's level. Both of which he'd done that day.  
  
Padalecki was quite the high profile celebrity, so the whole thing had been well publicised even right down to the fact that he'd been admitted to a psych hospital in L.A. for two months. Not that Jensen has been following the news or anything. But he's surprised that he hadn't heard about Jared's release.

The elevator stops and Jared steps out and heads in the opposite direction to Jensen's office. He frowns after the man for few seconds before shrugging and quickly rushing to his office. There's someone waiting inside, and Jensen almost smacks his forehead when he realises that a new Agent starts today. He walks in quickly discarding his unfinished bagel into the trashcan as he places his coffee on his desk.  
"Morning," he says, and the visitor smiles at him nervously, "Agent Murray, right?" he glances through the quick sheet he'd printed up last night and wonders if Murray has taken a little sneak peek. He doesn’t bother to beat around the bush, he goes straight into his usual welcome speech.

  
"Welcome to the team, Murray, I run a tight ship here so there'll be no rule bending, no reckless behaviour and nothing that makes me look bad," the last part is a joke that often bombs, and this time is no exception, "No showing off, or going off on a hunch without a colleague present. I expect the utmost professional and disciplined behaviour and conduct from you. Is that clear?" Murray nods and Jensen can't help smirking as he says, "You're allowed to speak".

 

Murray blushes as he nods and says,  
"Yes sir". Jensen regards him silently for a few minutes before he nods and says, "Go and introduce yourself to the team, I'll be out in a second".  
  
When he eventually does make it out, he sees Padalecki talking to Supervising Agent Jeff Morgan - his boss - who’s also talking to Special Agents Kane and Welling, who with Murray will make up his team of four agents. Their last member had transferred out of state to another department for personal reasons, and Morgan had handpicked Murray himself. Jensen frowns as he approaches Morgan,  
  
“What’s he doing here?” he asks as he motions towards Jared. Jared’s in a black three piece suit and a white dress shirt with the first two buttons undone. His hair is tousled as per usual, and his face is a little pale but he’s a far cry from the pictures in the last gossip rag Jensen had flipped through a few weeks ago. The air in the office is charged, and it grows silent as eyes focus on Jensen, Morgan and Jared. _Freaking vultures_ , he thinks, knowing that they all probably just want something to gossip about amongst themselves later on. Morgan clears his throat and says,  
  
“He’s our new consultant”. Jensen’s mouth drops open as Jared stands there with a sheepish look on his face. He can’t imagine Jared ever working with the police on a permanent basis; after all police work isn’t the most affluent of jobs. He eventually regains his bearings after a few moments and asks Morgan if they can have a word in private.  
  
“Consultant?!” he proclaims when he and Morgan reach the other man’s office, Morgan simply raises an eyebrow at him.  
  
“Look,” he says,” If anyone can help us solve the Valentine Killer case it’s him, we’ve got nothing, and he has his...psychic thing and well, I heard from a friend of a friend that he was interested in helping out”.  
  
“He’s just been released from a _psych_ ward,” Jensen replies, “Do you really think this will help him? All he’ll do is hinder our progress”.  
  
“Progress?” Morgan laughs bitterly, “What progress? We have the press hounding our asses and have nothing to tell them. This is a win-win situation, they’ll be more focused on Jared, and _you_ can get on with finding the killer in peace”.  
  
“And Jared’s going to be able to help us out and deal with the press on top of that?” Jensen says; lowering his voice halfway through his question when Morgan’s face begins to darken.  
  
“Will he be working exclusively on the case? We do have other cases to work on,” Jensen concedes because he’s sure that if he argues Jared’s appointment any longer he’d end up crossing a line of some sort. There’s no point in arguing about it any further.  
  
“No, the deal is that he works all of the cases your unit is working on but the DA is pushing for us to make a breakthrough with this case, so as of now it’s your _only_ case” Morgan pauses for a while before walking behind his desk and sitting down on his chair, swivelling around in it a little before he continues. Jensen fights the urge to rolls his eyes,  
  
“Looks like you’ve gotten two new members today”.  
  
~*~

They set him up with a desk and computer and put him the corner of the office. Jared’s very agreeable at first but Jensen knows him, he can see the confused look on Jared’s face, and he has to bite back a laugh when Jared gives the computer a resigned look. He watches as Jared taps away at the computer slowly, as if it’ll start spitting out words and numbers at him at any point in time. After a few minutes he retreats to his office, he takes a seat at his desk and smirks as he wonders how long it’ll be until Jared comes and asks him for the paper copy of the case notes. As he waits he can’t help but remember how the whole thing between him and Jared even started.

 

_The worst thing to do when you’re a cop is watch people. Interrogating them and chasing them is fine, but watching is an absolute nightmare. Mostly because it’s boring fucking. And partly because if anything happens to them you’re the one who’s in trouble.  Not that there’s any danger of that happening with this case._

_It’s not really a high profile case, but the guy they’re taking to court is a prominent member of a dangerous SaCal gang, and the CBI are doing everything they can to make sure that their one credible witness isn’t scared off the way they usually are. Not that the witness –one Jared Padalecki – is sweating it. They’re usually the worst kinds of witnesses to watch over. But it’s not like Jensen can’t do with the extra cash right now, the cost of living in California is fucking ridiculous. He’s still convinced that his landlord added an extra zero to his monthly rent. So here he is, newspaper in hand, striding into the apartment as he the other officer hands him over. Hopefully it’ll be a quiet night; he’ll just ignore the guy and wait for him to fall asleep. Simple._

_Only, because Jensen’s never been lucky, it turns out that Jared Padalecki pretty much defines noticeable. As in he’s hot. Like scorching hot, fire of a thousand suns hot and…whatever the hell weird, cheesy terms Jensen’s brain is coming up with. Jensen ignores the way his mouth goes dry, and he sits down in the seat placed near the door._

_“I’m Agent Ackles,” he says as a way of greeting, hoping that he doesn’t sound as flustered as he feels. Padalecki’s eyes light up as he smiles, and Jensen’s glad that he’s already sitting down because…dimples. Jared’s smile changes from a relatively standard one to a seductive, small grin and Jensen clears his throat and tries to regain some composure. “Need anything?”_

_“Oh, no. Not now that you’re here anyway,” Padalecki says, his eyes still firmly planted on Jensen._

_“Good,” Jensen says sternly. “Try to keep the talking to a minimum”. He feels like a douchebag for being kind of rude but Jared doesn’t seem bothered by it. In fact he just smiles, teeth and dimples showing and all as he does a mock salute,_

_“Yes sir”_

_~*~_

_The silence lasts for about an hour._

_“You know, I know what you’re thinking” Jared remarks from where he's over by the couch with empty candy wrappers littered around him. Jensen sighs because he’s been hoping that the kid would wear himself out because he’s been warned that this Padalecki kid’s chatty. But after watching the guy consume an unnatural amount of sugar Jensen can tell that he’s going to be in for a long night. Twizzlers, gummy worms, jelly beans. Jensen’s got a stomach-ache just by_ watching _him_

_“Do you?” he remarks dryly eyes still firmly on the newspaper he’s been pretending to read for half an hour. He may be good at masking his boredom, but he’s noticed the kid looking at him suggestively. It’s not unheard of, sleeping with your witness. But you only do it if you’re a sleazebag and Jensen isn’t. So he’s been ignoring said looks and talking to Padalecki in general, clear and concise terms. Of course now it’s 1am, all the shows are off television and Padalecki’s bored and more attentive than he’s been all night. Still, it doesn’t mean that anything has to happen. It doesn’t mean that anything **will** happen._

_“Yes,” Jared says, with a smile. “It wouldn’t make you a sleazebag if we’re both consenting adults”_

_“No offence,” Jensen says ignoring the fact that this kid apparently really can read minds. “But shouldn’t you be a little anxious right now?”_

_“Nah,” Jared says with a shrug. “I told them that I didn’t need security but they ensured me that their best agents would most certainly be up for the job” Jensen can’t help but feel a rush of pride at that – him, one of their best agents? He’ll take what he can get._

_“Oh, don’t fool yourself. They don’t think you’re the best, they know that you’re striving to be the best. You’ll do the jobs that no one wants to do, the worthless jobs that anyone could do”_

_“Nice,” Jensen says as he resists the urge to tell Jared to shut the fuck up. “Just be quiet, okay. A couple more hours and then I’ll be out of here. I’d like some peace if you don’t mind.” Jared’s quiet after that, and he appears to be deep in thought. Jensen shrugs and readjusts his tie, going back to the sports section of the newspaper. Anything so he doesn’t have to look at the kid, because Jensen has eyes and a healthy libido. Jared’s all 6 foot 5 of tan skin and muscle, with long brown hair that Jensen would relish a chance to run his hands through and the blue V-neck t-shirt he has on gives Jensen the perfect chance to ogle his long, tantalizing neck and—_

_“Your pupils are dilated,” Jared’s amused voice cuts into Jensen’s hazy thoughts and he blushes almost violently. “Oh and you’re blushing – no need to be embarrassed, Jensen, I have that effect on people”._

_“It’s Agent Ackles to you. And what makes you think that I was thinking about you?” Jensen says snidely, and Jared just gives him a huge shit-eating grin, like they’re best buddies or something._

_“Well, I am psychic after all; it’s my job to know these things. Plus you just confirmed it to me,” he replies as he pats the space on the couch next to him. “Come and sit over here. I don’t bite”.  Jensen observes the younger man for a few moments before he stands up grudgingly and moves across the room and sinks onto the couch slowly. He’ll never admit it, but that chair has been hell on his back and ass._

_“You’re not a psychic,” he mumbles as he closes his eyes briefly. “Come on, man. Does anyone even believe the crap that you’re selling?”._

_“Huh. A non-believer. You guys are always so cynical,” Jared says, his voice sounding closer than it should be. And as Jensen opens his eyes he sees that Jared’s definitely moved closer. Jensen swallows hard as he tries to calm himself down, but he can feel his dick stirring inside his boxers. Crap. Shifting away, he raises an eyebrow at Jared’s innocent expression,_

_“I know what you’re doing,” he says, but it sounds weak even to him. “I’m not going to sleep with you”. Jared stares at him for a long moment before he shrugs and turns away, busying himself with flicking through the channels once again. Jensen swallows again as he tells himself that he’s doing the right thing and that he’s going to keep his job and no matter how worthless it is, he’s going to play it by the book. It works for the next twenty minutes or so before Jared mumbles something about being hot and he leans down and pulls his shirt up and off, leaving Jensen with a startled look on his face. 'Oh, come on', he thinks._

_“Really?” he asks. “The old, it’s hot so let me whip off my shirt routine? You must be desperate”. He shifts subtly as he tries not to let on the fact that he’s hard. Though he realises that his defence is slowly crumbling into nothing and he sighs._

_“When was the last time you actually got laid?” Jared says, with no trace of cockiness in is voice._

_“Uh, a couple of weeks ago,” Jensen admits because if the kid is psychic like he says he is (which, he isn’t) then he’ll probably drag the answer out of him somehow. “Why?”_

_“And, how many of these people do you actually know by name? Do you know what they do for a living? Anything at all?”_

_“Not that this is any of your business, but no, and, hey, there’s nothing wrong with that”_

_“Except for the part where you hate it. You hate that you feel as though your job kills all chances of a relationship, hate the fact that if you want to rise through the ranks, you’re going to have to get your rocks off with more blank faces and nameless people”. Jensen grits his teeth because he feels as though Jared’s invading his headspace somehow. They’re his worries, his fears…his thoughts._

_“What’s your point?” he snaps and Jared smirks at him again, and Jensen finds it pathetic how he’d rather jump the kid right now and not than punch him in the face._

_“You know my name, you know what I do for a living, and we’re going to be seeing a lot of each other over the next few weeks”_

_“We are?” Jensen says and Jared nods as he leans closer and practically whispers into Jensen’s ear,_

_“Yeah, I’m afraid for my safety, Agent Ackles. I’m going to need you to look after me, so—“ Jensen’s mouth is on Jared’s before he can finish, their tongues tangling violently as Jensen runs his hands all over Jared’s bare chest._

_“You talk too much,” he growls once they release each other and Jared just grins at him cheekily. He stands up and motions towards the bedroom at the back of the apartment. Jensen nods once and stands and follows Jared to the room._

_Jared's already out of his pants when Jensen shuts the door behind him and Jensen pushes him down onto the bed slowly. His mouth is practically watering at the obvious bulge in Jared's sinfully tight CK briefs. Jared flashes him a hot look that says, "Get on with it then", which is exactly what he does. He undresses himself until he's left standing at the foot of the bed in just his boxers. As he takes a deep breath, he lowers himself onto the bed gently, perched above Jared as he wonders what the fuck he's doing. But one look at Jared's dark, slanted eyes sends him free falling and he leans down and gives in. His lips capturing Jared's once more as their concealed erections press against each other, causing them both to moan into each other's mouths. Eventually he moves downwards, pressing kisses to the skin in front of him, and switching between light licking and teasing bites as he makes his way down._

_Somewhere in the back of his mind he knows that this is far too intimate and that he should just fuck Jared hard, fast and dirty and get this thing out of his system, but he doesn't want to. He's too caught up in Jared's spell, too entranced by his scent and there's no stopping him now.  
"Fuck..." Jared moans softly as Jensen lavished attention on one of his nipples. "We have too...'m not going to last...you've been driving me crazy for hours now" Jensen smirks as he presses a trail of kisses down Jared's torso, until he reaches the waistband of his briefs. Hands delving down underneath them as Jared keens softly.._

“—Jensen?”

Jensen’s head snaps up as he looks up to see Jared standing in the door way. He straightens up, tugging at his tie absently as he clears his throat. Jared doesn’t say anything, just looks at him with this strange gleam in his eye that makes Jensen snap.

“Agent Ackles or Ackles – not Jensen” he says and Jared raises an eyebrow at him.

“It’s much too late for formalities now, Jensen,” Jared says, and he laughs. Jensen doesn’t bother to respond, glaring at Jared until he shrugs and says,

“I can’t work that computer, in fact I don’t even want to – don’t you have printed out copies of the case notes anymore?”

“They’re easier to manage on the computer,” Jensen replies.

“That would be fine if I could actually use the computer without it sending up a million error messages every time I click on something…"

“… _And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you_ ”

“Nietzsche? That’s cute.  But maybe I don’t want to waste away hours staring at screen every day. It’s part of what’s wron—“

“Just take these,” Jensen says quickly, wanting to avoid any long ranting about how people needed to “open their minds”. He hands over the files to Jared, accidentally brushing his hand against Jared’s, and he holds back the gasp threatening to escape when he feels a small spark run through him. Jared eyes are focused on him and Jensen has to fight the urge to squirm at how uncomfortable it’s making him feel.

“Thank you,” he says eventually.

“Cute vest,” Jensen blurts out and Jared flushes slightly before he seems to just shrug Jensen’s snide comment off.

“Thank you,” is all Jared says once again and Jensen can see that he’s done with their conversation.

“You’re welcome,” Jensen says. “Oh and can we try and keep things civil in the office and while we’re working together? No yelling, no mind games – a fresh slate, this case is important to a lot of people, we can’t afford to screw it up”.

“You’re the boss,” Jared says without so much as batting an eyelid and Jensen wonders just how much of catastrophe this is going to turn out to be. “Talk to you later, _Jensen_ ” Jared calls as he’s halfway back to his desk, and Jensen shakes his head in exasperation. And because his brain appears to be in a treacherous mood he can’t help going back and sifting through his memories once more.

_Jared’s waiting for him next time Jensen shows up to ‘babysit’ him. The apartment is quiet, and Jensen wonders where Jared is. Figuring that he’s asleep, Jensen walks quietly to the bedroom, his face flushing as he remembers what happened last time he was here. He’s not expecting to find Jared, naked on his bed, jerking himself off._

_“Uh,” he stammers as the door falls open. “What are doing?” It’s a stupid question but his brain is still trying to process the sight in front of him._

_“Waiting for you,” Jared says with a coy smile. “Or have you forgotten our agreement already?”_

_“Yeah about that, look, I don’t think we—“_

_“You gonna ride me or not?" Jared interrupts as he leans back on the bed, slowly jerking himself off, cock glistening from all the lube he's used. Jensen just gapes at him for a while, ignoring the way his dick goes straight from half-mast to full mast as well as the hot, burning feeling that’s bubbling and spiralling up his chest. He's tries to remind himself that he’s supposed to be putting a stop to this before it gets out of hand, before one of them gets hurt, and before he loses his damn job. He’s supposed to put his foot down and tell Jared that this isn’t happening again. But as Jared gets bored and crawls forward to reach for his tie, he knows exactly how this is going to go._

_Needless to say, Jensen's being pounded hard and fast twenty minutes later, crying out each time Jared's cock hits that sweet spot. He grinds down as Jared pushes up, maintaining a steady rhythm until Jensen feels the pressure in his balls building up and he spills his seed, hot splashes of come coating his sweat covered chest. Jared's thrusts speed up and Jensen feels the younger man shudder as he finds his own release. After a few minutes Jensen pulls himself off Jared, and flops down onto the bed next to him. Before he can say or do anything Jared rolls over so that he's lying on top of him and starts to make his way down Jensen's chest. He licks and kisses Jensen skin, his tongue darting out to lick the streaks of come. And as Jensen head hits the pillow gently, he can’t help thinking about how screwed he is._

 


	3. Part Two

# Part Two

 

The thing about being on your own 24/7 is that you end up having a lot of time to kill. It’s incredibly easy to latch onto something and stick to it, and suddenly it’s all that you think about. After all there’s no one to stop you, there’s no distractions. Just unlimited time for you to delve deeper and deeper into the abyss where your chosen obsession lies. For Jared it’s _The Valentine Killer_. He’s not sure if this about revenge or saving face, he knows that it should be the former and he hates the fact that he can’t be sure about it. He should be trying to get justice for Milo, but he can’t help feeling as though he’s the link here; he’s the reason behind all of these deaths. It’s normal for him to think that way, according to his psychiatrist. The media are still hounding him but it’s died down in the two weeks that he’s been working for the CBI. The officers haven’t really warmed up to him yet so he mostly keeps to himself and maintains a low profile. There had been some unrest over the removal of their previous cases so they’d been given two weeks to complete them. Morgan had told him to keep his head down, so as not to provoke the killer, but Jared _knows_ that TVK will strike again. He can feel it in his bones - that chill of fear seeping into them. Anticipation of more clues and more evidence, as wrong as that is. But right now he doesn’t know enough about the case and killer to even attempt to make a worthy assumption of when and where the next death will be.  He needs to see a crime scene, get a _feel_ of everything, because that’s how his mind works. It’s all about learning from observation.   
  
A loud cracking sound jolts Jared out of his thoughts and he carefully places the pictures from the first crime scene back into the folder and gets up slowly. He glances down at his watch and sees that it’s gone past midnight, and he freezes. Crap. Rachel. He’d forgotten to ask her to move into the main house _again_. And, if his instincts were right, then...he wouldn’t need to ask her anything ever again. He shoves on his sneakers and runs outside through his patio door the lead from the kitchen to the back of the house. He calls out Rachel’s name because he’s pretty sure that the noise came from the pool house.   
“Rachel!” he calls again but there’s still no answer. For some reason Jared panics and goes back inside, snatching up his cell phone and hitting the #1 speed dial that he’d programmed two weeks ago.  
“Jensen? It’s Jared...I think there’s someone here”. Jensen tells him that he’ll be there in 20 minutes and hangs up before Jared can ask where he is. His heart is beating rapidly and he barely manages to keep his grasp on his cell strong enough to stop it from falling due to his hands starting to shake.   
  
When Jensen arrives, Jared’s sitting on the floor just outside his patio door with a blank look on his face. He knows that Rachel’s dead. He can _feel_ that her spirit has departed, hell she’s probably been dead for a while. He’s convinced that the noise he heard was perfectly timed for him to hear it, to grab his attention.  
  
“Why is your front door open?” Jensen demands to know as he steps out onto the patio, though Jared doesn’t really hear him.  
“She’s gone,” he says distantly, “Looks like this is victim number fives. He laughs a little manically; he’s not sure why he’s stating the obvious here but something inside his head just clicks. The first three murders, Milo and now Rachel. This has to be about _him_. It’s not just a random conclusion; he’s had death threats before from disgruntled customers and people who he couldn’t help and people who’d (rightly) believed him to be a fraud. But a body at his house means it’s personal. Of course it could just be down to what he’d said on that show, but why now – why after all this time? He hasn’t even spoken to Rachel since Milo’s murder, she’d supposedly been visiting her parents and he hadn’t known that she was back. Unless of course…she hadn’t been anywhere and the message had been a fake.

 

_Fuck._

“This is about me” he says as he stands up his gaze directly trained on the pool house at the back of his house. His eyes narrow when he sees a box in Jensen’s hand, “What the hell is that?” The cold chill is tingling down his spine again and he knows that whatever is in that box is nothing good. He can _feel_ it.  Jensen simply frowns at him and Jared wonders just how crazy he’s coming across as right now. It can’t be good for his case, not that they can accuse him of being behind this. They just…can’t.

 

“On your doorstep…” he replies tentatively, “You weren’t expecting anything?” Jared shakes his head frantically,

“The police, we need to call the police,” he looks at Jensen and amends his statement, “Call in and get your people down here to…God, I should check – I should have done that _as soon as I’d called you!_ ”

“Whoa, whoa,” Jensen reaches out and places a hand on Jared’s shoulder causing Jared to turn around. Their eyes catch. For a moment everything freezes as bright, green eyes latch onto scared hazel ones. Jared feels his heart lurch, and for some reason he wishes that he could go back in time to when they’d been together and—he didn’t need to be thinking about any of this now. But it’s not until the moment is over that he realises that he’s in way over his head here.

 

~*~

Jensen moves his hand away quickly as he tries to ignore the way his heart is racing. He thinks about apologizing because Jared doesn’t need Jensen screwing around with his already fragile emotions. But instead he swallows hard as he pulls out his cell, dialling Kane’s work number.

“Kane, where’s the backup team that I requested? Tell them to get a move on!”  As he’s on the phone, Jared takes the box from his lax grip and examines it carefully. There’s a hollow look in Jared’s eyes that alerts Jensen to the fact that something awful is inside the stupid box.  He watches as Jared pulls the box open gently, a small piece of paper falling out but before Jensen can pick it up Jared lets out an audible gasp and drops the box and goes running over to some bushes along his back yard and starts to throw up ,the sound of his retching echoing into the darkness.

As Jensen hangs up he leans down and peers into the box only to recoil back quickly, eyes widening at the _human heart_ trapped in a jar. Or well, it was but it’d smashed on impact when Jared had dropped it and now the smell was starting to make its way into his nostrils. He pulls out a pair of plastic gloves and tries to shove as much of it back into the box as he can. He finally remembers to pick up the piece of paper that had dropped. It simply says, “ _You broke his heart.”_

_~*~_

 

They find Rachel on the floor of her bathroom fully clothed but it’s obvious that she’s been dead for some time. There are no traces of blood anywhere except for her sweater where there’s a spot covered in congealed blood. It makes Jensen frown; none of the other murders had traces of blood on them. Had the killer gotten lazy? Had he slipped up? One of the crime guys had already confirmed that her heart was missing and her chest had been expertly sown up. But it isn’t just the blood on a sweater that makes this instance a little baffling, there’s a crookedly drawn heart on the wall – mostly like drawn in her blood and Jensen thinks that it’s supposed to be a signature of some sort but it doesn’t make sense. Jared’s refusing to come in to investigate the crime scene until the crime guys are done so Jensen is left asking them stupid, pointless questions he knows that they have no answer to.   

Eventually Jared makes his way in, and Jensen spots the way he gives Murray a strange look, and he files it away for later. Jared’s only been with them for two weeks and Jensen almost laughs at the fact that they get a breakthrough, well, sort of, just as this becomes their only case. Almost as if the killer knew that the main focus would be on them. Jared takes one look at the wall, and his face darkens, almost as if he’s angry, and Jensen feels himself growing curious. The taller man must sense Jensen looking at him because his face relaxes instantly, a smooth mask of calm replacing the dark expression.

“She’d been dead 2-3 weeks, she was definitely killed here and….her body was only deposited here tonight or before I got back home”.

“And you didn’t even come to check on her?” Murray says, and Jensen remains silent as he attempts to observe this exchange. If there’s going to be a problem within his team, he’d like to know about it _before_ anything happens elsewhere. But there’s no exchange, Jared simply ignores Murray who to his credit doesn’t even blink or look upset.

Jared leans down so he’s crouching down near Rachel’s prone body. He picks up both of her hands one after the other and inspects them carefully.

“Ever wonder how The Killer gets the bodies so clean?” he muses out loud but no one answers him, yet he doesn’t elaborate, and Jensen feels himself getting frustrated.

“Is it the same killer, or are we dealing with a copycat?” he asks impatiently, not really appreciating the way Jared rolls his eyes at him when he’s upright again.

“It’s the same killer” he says, and Murray makes a noise. Jared doesn’t react to it, and Jensen finds himself being intrigued by this.

“You got something to add?”

“How can he be so sure it’s the same killer? I mean, the heart and the spilled blood on her sweater are new, that’s not the work of a killer who sees himself as being prestigious”.

“Do you know something we don’t, Chad?” Jared asks loudly as he rummages through Rachel’s drawers, Jensen doesn’t know what he’s looking for but he allows it. Morgan said to give him a free reign after all.

“What?!” Chad splutters, “Of course I don’t!” Jared raises an eyebrow as he turns to Chad and says,

“Then shut up.” with a dark, steely glare that even puts Jensen on edge. The room falls silent as Chad blushes and nods gently before backing away from where Jared is standing. Jensen motions for him to leave the room and the man does quickly. Leaving Jensen alone with Jared,

“So let’s hear it…”

“Hear what? I don’t like him, he irks me. He’s…irksome”.

“That’s not what I meant, not fully anyway”. Jared sighs as he brushes a few stray strands of hair out of his eyes and Jensen can’t stop himself from tracking the movement.

“Can you finish up and get out of my house, I’m tired,” Jared says as he pushes past Jensen and leaves the small bathroom. Jensen follows him out, shaking his head as he thinks _typical Jared._

“We’re a team here, Jared, I don’t have time for any acts of vigilantism, and if you don’t tell me what you know then maybe we won’t be so helpful when you require something” he replies before stating, “Oh and, you can’t stay here – your entire house is officially a crime scene”.  Jared sighs to himself as he rubs his hand across his face.

Jensen pretends that he doesn’t want to go over and comfort him.

 

~*~

 

Jared turns up at 9am the next morning, wearing a crumpled three piece suit. He has black circles smudged under his eyes due to lack of sleep. He’d tried to spend the night at a hotel but had become restless so he got up and dressed at around 5am. After a cup of tea he’d made his way over to the park – McKinley Park, where the first four bodies had been ditched – and decided to lie down on a bench so he could think things through                                                                                         . He’d lied to Jensen earlier on, and he knew that Jensen was aware of that. But Jensen wasn’t aware of just how much Jared had been keeping to himself. He wasn’t doing it to hinder the CBI’s progress; he just…didn’t know who he could trust. Everyone has a few skeletons in their closet, right?

The team is looking through pictures of the latest crime scene when he strolls in and takes his seat on the old rocking chair someone had pulled out from somewhere for him. It was nice; the swaying motion helped him to think. He closes his eyes and relaxes, only for his eyes to blink open lazily when he feels something hit his face. He sits up and sees an envelope with his name on it.

“Good morning to you too,” Jensen says. “Though it looks as though you could do with some sleep, where did you even sleep by the way? The officer on door duty said that you gave him 'the slip'”.

“Slept in the park, have to get close to the killer somehow right?” Jared mumbles as he looks at the card he’d pulled from the envelope. It was a high profile celebrity dinner. The kind of thing that he usually didn’t attend but for some reason this one called out to him.

“Hey, Kane – how good is your memory and how good are your suits?” he asked and Kane turned to look at him.

“Not bad,” he answers, “And what you see is what you get, not that we’re even the same size”. Jared just smiles and holds up the card,

“Well you’re going to have to brush up on both of those things; because you’re my plus one at this dinner I’ve been invited to”. He catches Jensen frowning through the corner of his eye, and he can’t help the smirk that he gives the man.

“It’s for work reasons, obviously” he clarifies and Kane nods, “And I’ll teach you about memorising things, the party is in two days and there are over 700 guests”. There’s a short bout of silence before Kane clears his throat and asks,

“You want me to remember 700 people’s names in two days? Are you insane? I don’t get paid enough for me to over-exert my brain cells any more than I do already”.

“I’ll introduce you to Scarlett Johansson? She’ll be there, and I’ll even buy your suit”.

“Deal,” Kane replies in the same stoic tone he’s been affecting throughout the conversation and Jared mentally marks Kane off on his “Can I trust them?” list. Jensen just shrugs the whole thing off and directs them back to discussing the case

“’ _Why can’t you love me the way I love you’_ ” Welling says, “This mean anything to you?” Jared frowns as he wonders what the hell Welling is talking about. Had the killer left a note? He stands up and makes his way over to where Welling had discarded the picture of said note.

“It was in her jeans pocket,” Jensen says, “Does it mean anything to you?” Jared shakes his head even though warning bells are going off inside it. The note being in her pocket doesn’t make any sense unless…

“Aren’t you the all-knowing, genius fake psychic,” Welling quips breaking Jared’s chain of thought, “There seems to be a lot that you don’t know”. Jared smirks at the man,

“Aw, you don’t trust me” he says his smirk breaking out into a full grin, “That’s actually very smart of you even though deep down inside, you don’t actually think I’m guilty of anything”. Welling stares at him with a surprised expression on his face.

“I can read mi—“

“No he _can’t_ ” Jensen interrupts in a hard tone as he shoots Jared a warning look. Jared catches the small smile on Kane’s face and he knows that he’s making progress. Gone is the distant Jared who sits in his chair stewing away quietly, he needs these people on his side, and that means that he has to build a rapport with them all.

“You, build a rapport?” Jensen says teasingly, “You couldn’t build a rapport with a brick wall” the four of them break into laughter just as Murray walked back in. Jared watches his face carefully but the man doesn’t give anything away. He has a short brunette woman in tow with him who looks like she’s wants to throttle Chad.  Jared snorts as they walk over to them.

“This is Agent McCoy,” Murray say, “She’s joining the case”. Jensen doesn’t look like he was aware of this and Jared finds himself feeling angry at Morgan on Jensen’s behalf. She doesn’t seem too bad though, Jared can sense that she’s takes great pride and seriousness in her work. She’s seems like an honest person who genuinely wants to catch bad people. He doesn’t look any deeper than he has to however. There’ll be time for that later. Idly, he wonders if Kane would mind if he took her to the dinner instead.

“Looks like I’ve found a better offer, Chris,” he says well naturedly.

“She might be a better match than I am,” Kane says gruffly, “But you still owe me a suit, I’ll pass on the memorising”.

“A better match for what?” she asks and Jared just smiles at her innocently.

 

~*~

 

A few hours later they’re still discussing the case due to there being a delay in receiving  the forensics report from Rachel’s crime scene. Jared tries not to focus on the fact that she’s mostly dead because of his negligence, because he can’t afford to go down that route again. Not after what happened after Milo’s death.  Murray is on the phone trying to chase up Rachel’s parents who are yet to be informed due to them trying to keep the news of her death out of the press for as long as they can. Agent McCoy enters the room with a steaming cup of tea and hands it over to Jared with a sweet smile. It hadn’t taken long for him to win her over with his charm, and it seemed as though Kane had a few issues with that,

“You’re not even straight!” he says in despair as Sandy goes back over to her makeshift desk. She was apparently a criminal profiler as well, so she’d already started to do some work on just who The Valentine Killer was. Jared wasn’t stupid; she was here to “spy” for Morgan, hence the addition to the case without informing Jensen. He suspected that Murray hadn’t proved to be an adequate informant for Morgan. This didn’t surprise him at all. There was something about Murray that just rubbed him the wrong way. He sees Jensen not trying to laugh and he can’t help wondering why Jensen is even out here with them.  Maybe he’d been looking out for Jared? _Wishful thinking,_ he thinks.

“So how are you holding up, man?” Murray asks as he turns to Jared who barely refrains from rolling his eyes. Nobody has missed the fact that Jared all but ignores Murray but he figures that he gets away with it because the man has only just started working with the team. Plus, he’s too eager and chipper for someone who’s going to be regularly dealing with murder cases. It’s just part of the reason why Jared is wary of him.  Jensen must have finally decided to do something about the situation though because after he receives a phone call, he turns to them and says,

“Okay, Murray – take Jared and head over to the coroner’s office and see what forensics have to say about the body, meanwhile Welling and Kane, I want you to go through Jared’s emails and house and whatever to see if there’s anything out of the ordinary that we haven’t picked up on” Jared grits his teeth a little, not really appreciating the fact that they’re going to be examining his life under a microscope but he breathes a little easy as he thinks about how his older records are sealed. He doesn’t need that information to get out; he doesn’t need to reopen old wounds that he’s worked so hard to patch up. As Jared puts on his suit jacket, Jensen asks if he can have a quick word with him. They step out into the hallway and Jensen says,

“What’s the problem with Murray?” he demands to know and Jared just shrugs,

 “There’s no problem at all,” he says, and before Jensen can respond he heads off behind Chad, leaving Jensen to throw his hands up in exasperation.

 

~*~

 

_They’re in Jensen’s apartment, eating lunch together.  Or rather, Jared’s eaten his lunch and his halfway through eating a sandwich that he stole from Jensen. Jensen watches the other man slowly wondering if it’d be rude to ask him a few personal questions. After all just because they’d been…intimate, it didn’t mean that Jensen was privy to information that was none of his business. But he can’t help feeling as though they’re friends or something, like they have some sort of connection. He can’t fight this urge to know everything about the man sitting across from him._

_“God, just spit it out already” Jared says eventually as he flips through the paper. It’s been weeks since the trial’s been over and yet Jensen hasn’t been able to tell Jared that enough is enough. That they really are over. Because he’s addicted to Jared, he can’t get enough and yet…he’s afraid that it’ll all come crashing. down if he doesn’t do something._

_“Uh, how’s things going – you know work wise” he asks in the end and Jared raises an eyebrow._

_“I’m doing alright,” he says. “For an aimless young man without a college degree anyway”. His tone is slightly teasing and Jensen sighs in relief. They’ve had a few arguments about this, Jensen thinks that Jared’s smart enough to do his GED and get a proper job or go to college, but Jared thinks it’s all a waste of time._

_“But, don’t you want something more? I mean, you really wanna be a magician your whole life?” the words tumble out before Jensen can stop them and Jared sighs. It’s rather despondent and Jensen wonders if he’s going to leave._

_“I’m barely scraping by, Jensen, something more really isn’t an option right now”_

_“I can help”. Again, Jensen speaks without thinking. How the hell is he supposed to help when he’s not even ready to admit that they could ever be in a relationship? It’d be like adding one more layer to their already fucked up situation._

_“Thanks, but I’ll figure something out,” Jared smiles. “Sooner rather than later”. Jensen doesn’t say anything after that just bows his head and grabs the sports section which Jared had abandoned and pretends to be engrossed in some story about racehorses. After a few minutes, he hears the chair scrape back as Jared stands up._

_“Uh, well I guess I better get going” Jared says awkwardly and Jensen tenses up. It’d been his idea for Jared to come here. After all it’s not like anyone would be watching Jensen’s apartment and no one would question Jared being in this part of town. But he’d chickened out once Jared had got here, been too scared to start anything. He watches as Jared waves at him dorkily before turning and making his way over to the hallway._

_Fast forward thirty seconds and Jensen’s got him pinned against the wall as he kisses the life out of him._

 


	4. Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the 2012 spn_j2_bigbang challenge. You don't need to have seen The Mentalist to understand this fic.

# Part Three

 

The morgue isn’t too far from the station. Jared is glad that this is the case, because there’s a file that he needs to get from his apartment in Burbank, before Welling and Kane get their hands on it. He’s pretty sure that, a. the killer is possibly on that list and, b. the victims are on it too. Before he can think about it any further, the morgue attendant comes along. He’s medium height, with dark brown hair and brown eyes. He’s a heavy smoker and he likes a drink and secretly derives great pleasure from his job despite his reserved demeanour. Jared files away those attributes away in case he’ll need them later on. He probably won’t but it’s a habit that he can’t quit. The morgue attendant takes them into the storage room where the bodies are kept and Jared examines the room quickly and sees that it has two entrances. It smells like an interesting mixture of death, sadness and…antiseptic. He suddenly wishes that he could leave this room and never re-enter it. It dawns on him that this is probably where Milo’s body is. Last he’d heard they still hadn’t released the body to Milo’s parents. He’d been meaning to speak to Jensen about it but, he’d _forgotten._ Even in death he was shitty friend.  A quick glance at Murray tells Jared that he is a little skittish so he attempts to take the lead here,

“What can you tell us?” he says, hoping that it’s the usual kind of questioning he’s supposed to ask, truth be told, he’d be a lot more interested in the crime scene than Rachel’s body – bless her – but now that option is no longer available. The assistant clears his throat and says,

“Well we’re making some headway, it seems that the heart was cut out surgically just like the other bodies. Evidence as to whether or not the victims were conscious or unconscious during this remains inconclusive for now”. Jared snorts a little to cover up the fact that his stomach is lurching dangerously at the thought of Milo suffering through that much pain because of _him_. Murray gives him a sharp look and Jared thinks that it’s the most professional he’s ever seen the man. In fact Murray looks like he wants to say something, but in the end he doesn’t and Jared shrugs it off.

“What’s the problem? Maybe I can help”?

“Well the murder was quite obviously carried out by someone with some medical expertise, the cuts and stitching are as precise as the cleaning. But we can’t figure out how they cleaned the blood off the body, there’s a smell or substance that we can’t quite put our finger on.” Jared opens his mouth to crack a joke about fingers, but Murray clears his throat loudly, and Jared finds himself feeling disheartened. It would be totally inappropriate, but for some reason unbeknown to him, it’s how he deals with things. The jokes, the smiles and trying to act as if he’s in one piece. It’s his shield.  He steps forward and finds himself analysing Rachel’s body once more. Pangs of guilt are still fluttering inside his stomach. He tries to pick up things that he may have not been looking for the first time around.

“Chad could you go and get me a coke?” he asks, and Murray doesn’t question it, he leaves right away. Jared files that fact away for later use. He takes a deep breath as he edges closer, eyes tracing pale skin marred by a jagged pink scar that indicated where the knife had been dragged across the skin. He places his own warm hand in Rachel’s cold hand and closes his eyes, allowing images to flood his mind. She’s walking fast, her movements are erratic and her breathing is shallow. He can feel her fear; feel that she knows that something awful is going to happen to her. He feels her surprise and a shadow flits past and—

“Here’s your coke.” Chad’s voice breaks the spell and Jared opens his eyes and pulls back with a heavy sigh. As he reaches out to take the can from Chad he notices that he’s gotten one for himself. For some reason it leaves him with a weird feeling. Like the feeling he gets when he tries and fails to get a clear read on what it is that drives Chad. It only serves to double his suspicions. After all, Chad’s the ‘new guy in town’. Who’s to say that he’s not operating right under their noses?

“Thirsty?” he asks. Chad just pauses mid swig, and Jared turns away uninterested in his answer.

“Ever heard about the cleaning coins experiment? You leave dirty coins in a glass of coke for about an hour or so and voila! They’re clean.  The phosphoric acid in the coke helps to break down the stains, I mean it’s pretty strong stuff right? There’s nothing to say that it wouldn’t work as well with blood”

“Uh, yes I suppose you’re correct,” the assistant says, “About the uh, acid – are you seriously trying to imply that this is what the murderer is using?” Jared smiles as if to say ‘Bingo!’  And the assistant stares at him as if he has two heads.

“Hey, try telling your boss not to push you around so much or you’ll go to _his_ superiors – that should do the trick”.

“How did you—“the assistant cuts off as Jared turns away from him. Chad is looking at him in awe but he just frowns at the man before he pushes past him heading for the door. He’s had enough of the stench of death and tormented souls for one day.

He doesn’t see the dark look that spreads across Chad’s face.

~*~

Jensen’s waiting when Jared finally reaches the office, it’s around 8pm and the others have mostly clocked off earlier. They’ve been working crazy hours over the past two weeks and Jensen figures that clear heads and eyes is what’s needed before they even contemplate a fresh approach to the case. But what intrigues Jensen the most is Jared’s admission from the night they found Rachel’s body that it was all about him, not to mention the two messages he’d received, the pink slip and the one found in Rachel’s pocket. What if the killer was trying to trick them into thinking it was about Jared. It’d be a good way of distracting them and throwing Jared off his game. 

Not that Jared seems to care as he strolls in casually, seven hours after ditching Murray and vanishing for the rest of the day.  A package had been delivered up to their floor by the mailroom assistant and Jensen wanted to hand it over to him personally.  It’s a small, brown box, just like that last package Jared received.  He knows that as a state agent he’s well within his rights to open it but it just wouldn’t feel right. Though if Jared hadn’t bothered coming back the curiosity may have gotten the better of him. Jared smiles when Jensen comes into his view, though it falters and vanishes eventually when he sees the box in Jensen’s hands.  Without saying a word, he takes it from Jensen silently and opens it gently. Jensen finds himself holding his breath as he tears the tape off the box, opens it and then reaches inside the box and pulls out a…watch? It’s nothing special but it must mean something to Jared because his face turns pale and he stumbles slightly. The movement breaks Jensen out of his spell and he tries to guide Jared over to a chair but Jared just shrugs him off. Jensen sighs to himself as he tries to get a better glimpse of the watch. It’s just a simple, black leather strapped watch, with a gold face and black minute and hour hands.

“It was my fathers,” Jared says finally. “I lost it a long time ago”. Jensen can’t help the frown that forms on his face. Welling and Kane had only been through Jared’s house in  Sacramento so far, but had enquired about his records and discovered that there was a sealed one that they hadn’t previously noticed back when they’d first questioned him.  Therefore all information prior to him being 18 was unavailable to them. Not that Jensen wanted to know about Jared’s personal life or anything but it could be vital to the case. He could always ask Jared himself but he doesn’t want Jared to tell him what was in there because _he_ is the one asking. He shakes his head as he tries to get back to the matter in front of him.

“Who do you think sent it?” he asks and Jared shrugs weakly and he looks up at Jensen with a scared look on his face.

“I can trust you right?” he sounds unsure and Jensen freezes slightly, not sure what response he’s supposed to give, “Because I need to at least be able to trust _you_ of all people”. Jensen doesn’t ask why that is; hell he doesn’t want to know why. He ignores the voice inside his head that calls him liar.

“Yeah you can.” it comes out softer than he’d intended, and he berates himself for getting too fucking close to Jared. It won’t help the case any, and he tries to tone it down, “You know you can”.

 “Where have you even been? We’ve been watching your house since the murders and the guys said that you weren’t there”.  

“In San Francisco. I took a cab down there, I have an apartment there, it’s where I keep all my…stuff, you know anything incriminating”.

“Are you insane? What if someone had followed you?” Jared’s face falls, and Jensen can’t help feeling guilty even though he knows that he shouldn’t be. Hell, if anything he should be pissed that Jared somehow managed to shake of the CBI agents assigned to watch him at all times. Even so he doesn’t like the idea of someone out there watching Jared, just waiting to do something to him.

“Look, maybe you should stay with me tonight”

_Wait, what? What is he saying?!_

“That way I can look out for you”. Jared doesn’t even put up a fight as he nods dejectedly and Jensen wonders what the fuck he’s just signed himself up for.

Jared does look a little distant so Jensen can’t blame him, but he recognises the look on his face. It’s the same one he wore the day before he told Jensen that he wasn’t psychic at all. The day that Jensen had ended whatever it was that they’d had.

He was hiding something.

~*~

It’s around 3am when Jensen gets up to use the bathroom. On his way out he hears the hum of the television and remembers that Jared is staying at his place. He heads downstairs sleepily, his sock clad feet padding down against the carpet and sees that Jared is watching some sort of infomercial. Jensen snidely wonders if he’s building a memory palace of all the information or whatever the hell Jared called it.  For a brief moment he’s just content to stand in the doorway watching Jared.

“I don’t bite,” Jared says without turning his head, and Jensen freezes, of course Jared would know he's standing there. He enters the living room and flops down on the other half of his couch and stifles a yawn. He pretends that it doesn’t bother him that Jared seems to still fit into his home and life so _easily._ Jensen’s not sure how ethical it is to have Jared staying at his house, but Jared is his… _friend,_ and this is just one friend looking out for another. Besides it’s not like there was another option. _Uh, the hotel room with someone keeping guard outside at all times,_ the unhelpful voice inside in head provides, and Jensen tells it to shut up.

Besides that was state money being used, at least they were saving tax payers money right? Right…

“You don’t have to stay up with me you know?” Jared says his eyes still on the screen in front of him.

“I know.” is all he says in response because he’s not really in the mood for a conversation right now.

Instead he takes a good look at Jared; He looks pale, with dark rings under his eyes who looks worse now than the previous morning. His hair is a mess, but there isn't anything unusual about that. And he barely resists the urge to run his hands through long, silky strands, flushing slightly when he realises where his train of thought is leading him.

“You’re getting too emotionally attached to the case” Jared says suddenly and Jensen tenses up. He’s about to respond angrily when he realises just what is it that Jared is _really_ saying.  
“You’re saying that I’m emotionally attached to _you_? Do me a favour”. Jared doesn’t answer he just switches the channel to yet another infomercial and stares at the screen attentively and Jensen imagines that he’s absorbing the information at the speed of light or something.  
  


“Who wouldn’t be?” he says eventually, “I happen to be a charming young man”. Jensen snorts,  
“If by charming, you mean deceitful con man then sure, of course you are” he replies before he launches into another line of questioning. There’s still a lot of history between the two of them which has remained unspoken, but there’s one thing Jensen wants to know. Jared gets there first, “Why did you say all of those things to me?” Jensen snaps his head up and frowns deeply,  
“Really, you’re asking this now?” because he’s been expecting this confrontation since the day he got into the elevator with him. Mostly because he’d never apologised for his outburst, but hey maybe he didn’t want to.  
  
“You called me a loner who is ‘desperate for love’” he replies, “Which was rich coming from you and, you know that I won’t take that kind of thing lying down”.

“Just because we fooled around a few times, it doesn’t mean that you know _anything_ about me” Jared says with the corner of his mouth turned up. Jensen doesn’t know if he’s fighting a smile or a grimace. Jensen sighs at the ‘fooling around’ comment because things would be less complicated if that actually _was_ the truth. But they’re not talking about that now.

“Well, you don’t know anything about me either and I don’t care how observational and meticulous you are you still don’t”.

“Keep on telling yourself that,” Jared replies in a sing song voice, “But are you really trying to say that all of what I said was wrong?” Jensen opens his mouth to reply with an emphatic ‘yes’ but he falters because Jared had been right. Well sort of, no one really likes to be spoken to that way. But he’d never admit to Jared that he was right.

“Yes, yes it was,” he says eventually but it lacks any heat and Jared simply grins at him before turning back to the television screen.

 _You’re getting too emotionally attached to the case._ Jared’s voice echoes inside his head, and he finds himself thinking about how they’d used to be before they fell out of touch.

_Jared’s wearing expensive looking clothes, which is the first thing Jensen notices. His hair’s different too, less DIY haircut and much more professional looking. He doesn’t even see Jensen at first, which Jensen snidely puts down to the large Ray Bans that he’s wearing. They’re at the theater complex, and Jensen waits to see if Jared’s with anyone before he approaches him,_

_“Hey” he says casually and Jared pushes his sunglasses up and blinks down at Jensen, face breaking out into a huge dimpled grin when he sees Jensen._

_“Hi,” he says with a grin. “You’re not stalking me are you; I know what you cops are like”._

_“Don’t flatter yourself, Jared,” Jensen says with a wry smile as he leans past Jared and grabs one of those pamphlets that have a list of the movies showing on them. “Just here to watch a movie like a normal person”._

_“Meh,” Jared says as he turns deliberately. “There’s nothing worth seeing really, we should probably do something else..”_

_Naturally, Jensen doesn’t end up seeing a movie._

~*~

“Do you ever think about us, and what would have happened we’d made it work?” Jensen asks, and Jared turns to him and shrugs,

“Not really, but then again I was too busy trying to patch up my wounded pride,” he smirks, and Jensen rolls his eyes fondly, because even after all of these years and the on-going murder case moments like this is where he sees the same old Jared. He’s completely unapologetic and unserious. Both qualities would probably piss the average person off but fit perfectly with Jensen’s snarky demeanour.

Jensen’s not sure why he does what he does next, maybe he’s just tired and stressed out from the case. Turns out that working _one_ high profile case is much hard work than working on several at once. The pressure’s on them to come up good with the suspect seeing as how they’re spending unlimited time, and for now all of their resources on it. But the way Jared’s looking at him now, with a mischievous glint in his eye, makes him forget that for a while, and he leans over and kisses him. It’s nothing more than a chaste brush of lips, but Jensen flushes and backs away quickly. God, what was he thinking? He knows better than to start up anything with Jared again. And especially not now when they’re midway through a murder case which Jared is the freaking centre of.

“You weren’t thinking straight.” Jared says unhelpfully and Jensen glares at him as he wipes a hand over his mouth. He can still feel a slight tingle on his lips and he hates that Jared affects him this way.

“Oh please, can you _not_ _mentalise_ me while I’m freaking out?” Jared full on grins at that, dimples flashing and all and Jensen barely resists the urge to punch him in the face.

“Oh calm down,” he says easily, “I’m all for you not thinking for a while, who knows maybe it could be mutually beneficial”. Jensen hears the implication in Jared’s words but he chooses not to respond. He’s surprised by what Jared’s getting at because of how things ended between them, and he wonders if the other man is even being serious. Maybe this is all one big joke to him. Jensen stands up slowly and stifles a yawn.

“We have a murder case to solve in case you’ve forgotten”

“And we all need to let off some steam sometimes,” Jared shoots back and there’s a dark edge to his voice.

“Well by all means go out and fuck some twink - oh and try not to get yourself killed!” Jensen snaps as he strides out of the room, already in the doorway when he hears Jared’s retort.

“Oh so he can end up in an alley with his heart cut out, yeah good plan”. It stops him in his tracks, because they’d already dismissed the crimes of passion theory. Jared had sworn blind that there was no chance of that being the case, yet here he was claiming something different.

“What did you say?” he asks pointedly, “I _asked_ you, asked you if this were some sort of spurned lover out for revenge and you said no!” Jared’s face goes stony and Jensen loses his temper and throws his hands up in the air,

“Nothing matters to you does it? As long as you’re three fucking steps ahead of the rest us -" He takes a deep breath to centre himself and not lose his temper more than he already has, 

"When we get to the office you better spill whatever it is that you’re hiding or I’ll arrest you myself for withholding evidence”. He turns and walks out of the room, chest heaving as he struggles to control his anger.

That _son of a bitch_!

~*~

Two days later Jared strolls into the CBI's headquarters carrying breakfast for everyone. He’d taken the day off before hand to go through some of his old junk and find out who would be at tonight’s party. He was pretty sure that Sandy was Morgan’s eyes and ears in their team now and he figured that it’d be a good way of informing her. By which he meant making sure that Jensen didn’t get into any trouble over his actions. Speaking of Jensen, they haven’t really spoken since that early morning conversation a few nights ago. He’d been avoiding Jensen ever since, because, well, he didn’t want to get arrested, and he didn’t want to _not_ be three steps ahead. He didn’t trust easily, hell the only reason he was with the CBI working this case was because they had access to records and information that he couldn’t get himself just by flashing his cash around, and…he trusted Jensen.

And of course now there’s the note to factor in. He hasn’t told Jensen about it yet. It’d arrived with the watch, " _TELL ACKLES TO WATCH HIS BACK"_ is what it had said, and Jared’s blood went cold every time he thought about it, but he’d realised that not being near Jensen wasn’t really smart, because all he did was panic and daydream about scenarios in which Jensen ended up in the park with his heart cut out.  That's why he’s keeping things from Jensen. Hell, he’d been lucky that Jensen hadn’t really fully understood the implication of Jared’s slip up so far. If this was a spurned lover type thing then surely eventually Jensen would have to consider the fact that he’d possibly be in the firing line. It’s not like they were ever an actual couple, but the killer’s gone after people that Jared was no more than acquaintances with. It wouldn’t be hard for him to find out about Jensen. If anything, it’d be easier to work that out than the others put together.

As he sits in the old rocking chair he watches the officers closely and tries again to see if any of them are giving off any suspicious vibes. Perhaps he’d missed something before, and this is the only chance he’d get to observe them all at once. This plan to keep everyone onside has been working swimmingly so far, and, hey, who knew that bribery worked. The more people he got on his good books, the easier his time here would be.  His eyes fall back down to the book in his hand, which contains a list of his old clients from when he was a fake therapist. He’d been checking the list against the victims, and sure enough two of them are on there. There’s also something about Rachel’s death that bugs him. Why the pool house, why not dump her body elsewhere. Forensics had said that she’d been killed elsewhere but Jared’s not sure that he buys that anymore. It’s just a feeling he has. Maybe he and Jensen can check it out later on.

~*~

_Her name’s Kristen. She’s a middle class, bored housewife whose husband is cheating on her and she can easily afford the $500 that he charges. And when she maybe gives him a flirtatious look he overlooks the fact that she’s not really his type. He has to get his rocks off somehow after all. He feeds her some bull about how the loneliness and sadness she feels is not her fault. She’s just surrounded by selfish people. But really the problem **is**_ _her. She’s controlling, manipulating and clingy.  He finds it hilarious that she dresses herself in pale, conservative colours when really her aura is a bright fiery red. But in the end she turns out to be a pretty good lay._

_Though, three months after his first “appointment” with her he has to take out a restraining order._

_~*~_

He’s not proud that he screwed her up back then instead of helping her out, and he’s not proud of the fact that she’s dead because of him. And he’s too ashamed to share details of his sordid past with…anyone.

“Jared, my office – now” Jensen says as he pops his head out of his office door.  He’s stopped on the way to Jensen’s office by Chad who steps in front of him and hands him _his_ cell phone. When the hell had he lost a hold of it?

“Dude you dropped this in the car back when we went down to the morgue.” Chad says as he hands it to Jared, who takes it from him carefully. He regards Jared silently for a few moments after Jared says thanks before he goes back over to the huddle that he’d been in before. Jared watches him closely before frowning and giving his phone a once over. It’s a generic iPhone that he can barely use, and he just shoves it into his pocket before continuing into Jensen’s office. Jensen motions for him to shut the door behind him and he does so.

“What the hell is this?” he demands to know as he hands Jared a piece of paper. It’s a print out of an email from Richard Speight, one of his “competitors” in the fake psychic word. He’s rambling on about how Jared is stealing away his customers and ends the email with a final, “ _I will make you extremely sorry if you continue to cross me”_. Jared doesn’t check his email often if at all, so this is the first time he’s seeing this and he laughs at it. Speight is all talk and no action. Jared’s always told the man that he’d be a lot better as a magician or comedian, because he sure does know how to make Jared laugh.

“Okay, how is this funny? He sent this to your personal email a week before the first murder”. Jensen is deadly serious, and Jared quickly wipes the smirk off his face,

“Look, you know about me and computers. I barely even use mine, this is the first time I’ve ever seen this”.

“Do you even know how many threatening emails are on your account?” Jensen asks and Jared gives him a look and Jensen sighs, “Right, stupid question. Do you even know what this means?”

“That I’m a pretty popular guy?” Jared jokes, and Jensen glares at him icily, so he quickly changes his tone, “Alright, no I don’t. Please enlighten me”.

“It means that our case just got blown into the water, I mean any of these people could be the killer”.

“And the killer could also be some random person who we haven’t come across,” Jared points out. “Or someone closer to home, I mean surely this beats a dead end? I don’t see what the problem is here”.

“You don’t see…are you for real?”

“Last time I checked, all 6’5” of me was real, the same way it was last time _you_ checked”.

“Shut up!” Jensen admonishes, and Jared just smiles at him, “Anyway, I’ll have to get the team to go through everyone on the list, but me and you are going to pay Mr Speight a visit”.

“Oh, finally. I get to work exclusively with Agent Ackles -what’s brought this on?” Jared says excitedly, ignoring the way Jensen rolls his eyes at him.

Secretly he thinks it’s a good idea as he remembers the note, at least he can keep an eye on Jensen this way. He’s not trained in combat or anything but he can hold his own in a fight and he grew up in tough areas – guns are second nature to him. He just prefers to admire them from a distance that is further than in his hand.

“The rollicking I got from Morgan yesterday about you casually taking a day off.” Jensen snaps and Jared pulls a face.

“I’m not your concern; he should have come to me.”

“Not my…you’re a part of the team, I keep on reinforcing this and every time I think you’ve finally grasped the concept something like this happens. And don’t think breakfast will save your bacon either.” Jared wants to make the obvious joke here but a warning look from Jensen stops him in his tracks, and he huffs petulantly. Jensen’s no fun.

~*~

Richard Speight lives in large two storey house not too far from Jared’s and they find him out back, floating in his pool while he yells at someone angrily on the phone. He’s holding a Pink Lady in his other hand, and Jared snorts and shakes his head and mutters, “Some people never change”.

“It’s not him,” Jared murmurs to Jensen as they approach the man. Jensen doesn’t respond and Jared just sighs. Jared’s said he already knows all there is to know about Speight and his small mindedness, pettiness and generally underwhelming personality. He also tells Jensen that he’s bored. When he says that he’s going to take a look around inside, Jensen lets him if only to get him to shut the hell up for a few seconds. That and he wants a chance to speak to Speight on his own.

“Mr Speight,” he calls as he reaches the other end of the pool where the man resides, “I’m Agent Ackles. CBI, I’m here to ask you a few questions about The Valentine Killer”.

“I’m not answering any,” Speight says as he sips from his pink drink. “I offered my services to the CBI and was turned away, it was a one-time offer – you can see yourself out”

“I’m actually here to _question_ you in regards to the case. You sent Mr Padalecki some threatening emails, perhaps he pushed you over the edge and you lashed out and added Mr Ventimiglia to your hit list”.

“Oh, is that the line he’s spinning now?” Richard snorts. “You know not all of us in the community buy that Jared is innocent in all of this I mean, has he told you about how he hooked up with two of the victims or is he still sticking to the fact that they were clients?” Jensen keeps his face as neutral as possible as he files away that information for later. Of course he’s had his suspicions after what Jared had said the other day but the younger man had never confirmed what he’d meant.

“Where were you four nights ago at around 11pm to 1am?” he asks instead which makes Richard raise his sunglasses to the top of his head, pausing, like he's considering what to say before he answers.

“Hmm, I was here. I think I threw a party that night, hell I throw one almost every night, pick up the guest list from my housekeeper on your way out”

“Bu—“

“If you want to question me any further you’re going to have to arrest me” and as much as Jensen would like to, he doesn’t have a reason too yet. After all, Jared had readily dismissed the emails, so arresting him due to harassment was out of the question. He rolls his eyes as he heads back into the main part of the house. Jared isn’t in the hallway and Jensen walks around, eventually finding himself in the kitchen where the housekeeper in question is handing Jared a cup of tea and a plate of cookies. Jared grins at her – his thousand watt grin, with his dimples fully on display just before he bites into a cookie. He looks so childlike and innocent that Jensen can’t help going over what Richard said. He suspects that the man is just bitter due to his intense rivalry with Jared but what if Jensen’s feelings for Jared (old feelings that is) are hindering his ability to work the case properly and to make sure that he covers all bases _including_ Jared. But the thing is that he knows Jared and he’s a 100%  sure that Jared isn’t capable of murder. He banishes the thought from his head as he mock glares at Jared.

“So breakfast – which was an hour ago – wasn’t enough for you?” he says sarcastically.

“Course not,” Jared says as he takes a sip of his tea. “I’m a growing boy after all”. Jensen just shakes his head before asking the housekeeper to get him the guest list.

As they leave the house, Jensen looks back with a frown on his face before he turns to Jared and says,

“So, come on then, out with it”

“Out with what?” Jared asks as he fumbles around with his pocket idly.

“Your thoughts and opinions on the delightful Mr Speight.” Jensen’s voice is dripping with sarcasm, but Jared still smirks at him, as he shades his eyes from the sun.

“He’s hiding something that’s for sure, his posture and stance far too rigid, which is a shame really, because I taught him all about how to hide deceitfulness” Jared sighs a little and Jensen rolls eyes.

“In what way was his posture and stance to _rigid_ , he looked pretty relaxed to me” he says, and Jared stops and turns to Jensen who’s midway through rubbing the back of his neck.

“You did that three times during your questioning”                

“Did what?”

“You rubbed the back of your neck,” Jared says and Jensen shoots him a confused look. “Human beings aren‘t as complicated as scientists makes out. We see a gesture, and 99.9% of us will mimic it eventually, the maid for instance rubbed the back of her neck as she went to get the list for us”

“Get to the point, Jared,” Jensen says as he makes a show of looking at his watch. “We don’t have all day”.

“Richard didn’t do it once; he didn’t even move his arm an inch, meaning that he was too busy controlling his emotions so that we would believe everything he just said”

“You weren’t even there when I was questioning him!”

“I watched from the door.”

“So what exactly is he guilty of?” Jensen asks and Jared shrugs as he turns and starts walking towards the car again.

“I’m just a consultant Jensen, “he calls back over his shoulder. “I’m not a mind reader”.

Jensen just sighs in frustration.

~*~

On the way back to the station, Jared has Jensen drop him off at his tailors and Jensen remembers the party with all of his wealthy friends is tonight and he sighs. They’re supposed to be there as security detail for Jared but he doesn’t see how this fits their job description. In fact he’s been meaning to talk to Morgan about how wise it is to have Jared actually working on the case when he’s a possible target and….maybe a possible suspect. It’s not advisable but he can understand why Jared would want to stay on. Plus, there’s been no explicit threat on Jared’s life so he can easily see Jared talking his way out of that one. He sighs as he pulls into the parking lot; he just…has a bad feeling about it all. He hopes that it doesn’t come back to bite him in the ass. When he reaches his office he checks in with his team only to find out that they’ve found nothing new and cruelly he finds himself wishing for a new murder. It’s a horrible thought and he regrets in instantly but their case isn’t progressing and all of their careers are on the line. Plus, he has to talk to the press later and they won’t be happy about the lack of new information.

It’s an hour later when Jared strolls in with his suit and another item which he assumes is Sandy’s dress. He’s being tailed by a young man who looks to be in his earlier twenties, with short cropped brown hair and wide blue eyes full of fear. Jared looks nonplussed and Jensen tries to ask him what’s happening with his eyes. Jared catches on because he tells the man – _Dylan_ – to wait outside as he enters Jensen’s office, he doesn’t shut the door fully but he speaks in a hushed voice.

“There was something off about Rachel’s death so I tried to remember if she’d ever had any close friends stop by but I couldn’t recall seeing any so I had Sandy go through her Facebook page for me and we found out that she had a boyfriend – the young man outside – maybe she told him something?”

“And you expect me to believe that you haven’t hypnotised him for information already” Jensen says with a raised eyebrow. Jared shoots him a mock hurtful look and he rolls his eyes, “Send him into interview room two”.

“No, let’s do it at the little café three blocks over.” Jared’s insistent and in the end Jensen agrees, saying that he’ll catch up with them.

By the time he gets there Jared’s hovering outside the door anxiously and Jensen sighs when he sees that Jared’s holding a large cup of coffee. He reaches out and takes it from him,

“You and coffee is never good idea _after_ you’ve already had tea,” he says as he tosses it into the trash. “Now spill or I’m sending this young man home”. Jared turns to look at him with a pleading expression on his face. His large, hazel-green eyes practically begging for Jensen not to ask him.

“Fine, let’s go and talk to him, it’ll probably be easier than getting any sense out of you.” Jensen says as they enter the room.

“Uh, am I in trouble?” Dylan asks, “Because you know, I swear I didn’t put that dent in my neighbours' car” Jared snorts, though he manages to mask his expression as Jensen turns to glare at him.

“Before she died, did Rachel say anything to you – about something she maybe saw?” Jared asks all traces of humour removed from his tone. Jensen bites his lip to stop himself from reminding Jared that he has no authority to be asking questions here, but he lets it go. Jared’s obviously got his own theory here but Jensen wishes that the other man would stop keeping things from _him_ at least. Unless of course Jared doesn’t trust him, and that thought shouldn’t really hurt as much as it does.

“N-no” Dylan stammers as he begins to look uncomfortable, “Look, can I go now?” Jensen opens his mouth to answer but Jared is quicker.

“You’re lying” he says sharply, and Dylan turns to him, fear evident in his eyes.

“I thought you said you weren’t a real psychic, I mean I read it on _TMZ_ that you’d basically admitted that you were a fraud”.  Jensen bites back the sarcastic retort threatening to escape from him.

“I’m not,” Jared replies, “Because there’s no such thing but at least you’ve inadvertently admitted that you’re lying so start talking”. It’s scary how good Jared is at this whole ‘pretending to be a cop’ thing, but Jensen notices the slight tremor in his hands and knows instantly that it’s an act.

“Okay, fine. I mean, I suppose I should tell you…the sooner you find that son of a bitch who killed her the better off we’ll all be, and I can trust you guys right? This is all off the record?” Jensen can’t stop his suspicions from arising because he often hears that phrase from shady criminals who haven’t really done enough to be in a prison cell. But before he can interject Jared says, 

“We’re in a diner, how do you _not_ get ‘off the record’ from this situation,” his voice is a little raised, and Jensen cuts in before they manage to scare Dylan off.

“Why don’t you leave the bad cop routine to the _actual_ cop that’s present here” he says sharply, and Jared leans back in his chair.

“She…she saw something the night after your friend died -  she didn’t tell me what  it was, but I told her to tell you just in case it was important, she said that she would, but apparently she didn’t, and I don’t know what it was”.

“Did she keep a diary or an online blog where she may have posted the information?” Jensen asks and Dylan shakes his head and shrugs,

“I don’t know, man.” The relative quiet in the diner is disrupted by  the sound of Jared’s chair legs scraping  across the floor as he gets up hastily and leaves without saying a word. Dylan just stares dumbly after his retreating figure. and Jensen clears his throat.

“It’s stress,” he says as he smiles weakly at the younger man who’s starting to look annoyed, “Thanks for all of your help, we’ll be in contact with you shortly”.

Jared isn’t at the office when Jensen arrives back and it only serves to piss him off a little more and he heads straight over to Morgan’s office.  It’s empty though and he sighs.

Just his luck.

~*~


	5. Part Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the 2012 spn_j2_bigbang challenge. You don't need to have seen The Mentalist to understand this fic.

# Part Four

 

Jensen’s waiting outside the CBI building when Jared pulls up in a red ’60 Citroen DS-19. He lets out a low whistle under his breath as Jared brings the car to a halt. Before Jensen can say anything Sandy comes bounding out and squeals in delight when she sees Jared’s car. Jared frowns as he wonders if she’s going to be like that the whole night. But he forgets about that and focuses on the fact that Jensen is looking at his car with obvious admiration, and the fact that Jensen really wishes that _he was_ the one riding shotgun. He smiles to himself as Sandy gets in.

“Y’all better try and keep up!” he calls out to Jensen after rolling down his window. Jensen only snorts and walks away as Jared starts to drive.

The party is being held in the ballroom of the nearest Ayres Hotel. Jared can’t even remember what the party is honour of -he never can. But he knows that he’ll need his check book, so he’s brought it along with him. Of course there’s another reason why he’s dragged the entire team (bar Chad) out here. Something about this party has been calling out to him since he’d received the invite. He couldn’t tell if it was a good feeling or a bad feeling yet, but he knew that it’d come in time. He was mostly hoping for some kind of breakthrough on the case. He couldn’t stop this killer if they had virtually no information coming in. His phone vibrates in his pocket – cutting off his train of thought and he blows out a small puff of air in annoyance as Jensen’s voice filters through into his ear. They’re all wearing earpieces, the kind that fit seamlessly in your ear – like in the movies. Though Jensen had only rolled his eyes when Jared had said that earlier.

“Just got the call from Morgan,” Jensen announces, “He’s coming too, and he’s bringing Murray with him – accused me of not helping him _settle in_ ”. Jared doesn’t reply, because he doesn’t have anything to say that he wants everyone else to hear. When he stops at the next red light he takes his phone from his pocket, loosening his tie a little. He hates these things.

Looking at the text, he sees that it's from Jensen’s personal cell – Jared didn’t realise that he still had the number – and it simply says, _be careful tonight._ He tries to convince himself that it’s something Jensen would send to anyone of his team as he powers past the now green light.

~*~

There are people spilling out of the building when they arrive. A few of them call out to Jared, and he smiles at them as he and Sandy walk in  arm in arm.

“Wasn’t she the one who got drunk on your show once and ended up with a butterfly tattoo?” she asks as she cranes her head backwards and Jared frowns,

~*~*~

They’re at the buffet table when Jared gets that familiar tingle, the one that tells him that he was right about this party being pivotal somehow. He must twitch or something because Jensen - who’s standing right next to him with an untouched glass of champagne - turns to him and asks,  
“What is it?” Jared opens his mouth to respond but he hesitates. He’s not too keen on the rest of the team being able to pick up what he says so he shrugs,  
“I just have a feeling that something is going to happen”. Jensen turns back from where his eyes had strayed as Jared was answering, stopping his millionth scan of the large ballroom and raises an eyebrow,  
“Is it a bad or good feeling?” Jared shrugs, and Jensen sighs irritably. “Is the killer here?” Jared’s stunned momentarily, because he hasn’t even considered that fact. Usually this would mean that no, the killer isn’t here, but as he taps into his inner feelings he’s unable to come up with a definitive answer.  
“Possibly,” he murmurs as Sandy saunters back over to where they’re standing. She’s wearing a sleek, black, strapless gown with her hair swept up and Jared wonders if he’d be all over her like a rash if the circumstances were different. Somehow he thinks Sandy wouldn’t be the person in that scenario. Even so, he doesn’t want to be the old Jared anymore - look where it’s gotten him. With a serial killer that kills in the name of his past exploits.   
  
He can feel excitement radiating from Sandy and silently hopes that she doesn’t ask him to _dance,_ but of course he already knows that she will. Sometimes, he wishes he could switch off his ability to read people. It’d make life a little less grating.   
  


“May I have this dance?” she asks, eyes bright and happy like they’re not here on a work related matter, and he finds himself nodding, “It’ll give me a chance to look around the room”. Jared bites back the snort threatening to escape, because her tone suggests that’ll be the last thing she does. He feels Jensen stiffen as he hears her words, and Jared hides his smirk. The other man has been pretty close to him during the course of the night, and it hadn’t exactly escaped the team’s notice. But Jensen had managed to keep them in line by reminding them that, until Morgan arrived, he was the most senior authoritative figure, and he was the one calling the shots. For some reason, Jared’s drawn back to a conversation he had with Milo over a year ago; after he and Jensen were over.  
  
~~  
 _“So who is he?” Milo asks as Jared takes a swig of his beer. They’ve just gotten back from the set of his TV show or well they had hours ago and now they’re relaxing on his couch with a couple of beers and some movie that neither of them are watching on the screen. He’s not drunk, just buzzed but he still has no idea what Milo is talking about. “The one that got away, you always mention him when you get really drunk or that one time, high”. Huh, Jared thinks, I have got to buckle and re-train my mind to go on lockdown when I’m inebriated. For now though he decides to play dumb because there’s a reason why he doesn’t talk about it.  
“The one that what?” he repeats and Milo gestures wildly with his hand, his movements slow and sloppy,  
“Yeah, you know - that guy that you’re in love with”. Hearing Milo say it loud just makes Jared’s heart freeze._

_"It didn't work out" Jared says stiffly, suddenly feeling weary. He places his beer on the table in front of him and looks down at his hands._

_"Why not?" Milo asks apparently oblivious to Jared's discomfort._

_"We both wanted different things"._

 

~~

And yet here he is, still stuck with a Jensen shaped hole in his heart. Sandy lets him go eventually but before he can find Jensen, the host - Blake Lively - steps up to the makeshift podium and starts to talk about charity work, and the organisations they're funding this evening. Jared tunes it all out because it's nothing that he hasn't already heard millions of times before. A charity that probably means nothing to the majority of them but they crave the plaudits and personal satisfaction that it gives them. Jared's not much better than them, but at least he doesn't pretend to care. He pays out a hefty sum a month to one particular charity that's actually close to his heart, it's better than nothing. So instead of listening to Blake he looks around the room, eyes narrowed and watchful for anything out of the ordinary. He's scanning the room again when an older woman catches his attention.  She's short, and her dress looks cheap, almost as if she doesn't belong here. He can feel the rage and anger pouring off her in waves, and he's stunned by the intensity of it. Before he can watch her anymore or alert Jensen, he hears his name over the sound system,

"I'd like to welcome Jared Padalecki to the stage; this is his first public appearance in a while so it'll be nice to see how he's been faring right?" Blake’s voice is full of fake sincerity and Jared barely refrains from glaring at her. He frowns as he realises that there's a whole bunch of cameras and reporters right in front of the podium. People are starting to look his way so he plasters on a fake smile and starts to make his way up through the crowd.

 

Eventually he reaches the podium and steps onto it, adjusting the microphone stand so that he can actually speak into it. He's not really a shy person but all of these faces watching him expectantly make him nervous. His palms are sweaty and he has to clear his throat before he can start. They've all heard about his breakdown, hell who hasn't heard about his breakdown?  As if by magic his eyes lock onto Jensen's vibrant, green ones and the older man nods at him gently and somehow it gives him the support he apparently needed.

"Hi," he says with a nervous chuckle. "I wish I could say that it's good to be back". There's a small smattering of laughter and the crowd seems to relax a little, and the heavy silence that had been in place before recedes slowly. He's just about to apologise for his part in the murder case when he sees it. He's caught another glimpse of the older woman except this time she has something in her hand. Jared sees the angry gleam in her eyes but doesn't have enough time to react when a loud noise crackles in the air and a sharp gust of pain hits him.

\--

For a moment everything stops and it's as though Jared is falling in slow motion. But in reality a sharp scream rips through the room and suddenly there are people crying out and heading off in every single direction possible. Jensen loses track of Jared and is literally about to charge through the crowd to get to him when he hears his name being screamed through his earpiece.

"Ackles!" Kane barks and Jensen remembers that he's in charge of these people "Jensen, go and see to Padalecki, Welling has the shooter and me and McCoy will round up the guests, Morgan and the brat will help us". He knows that he should refuse, he should stay and actually guide his team but he can't.

 

He finally moves away from his spot, pushing through the crowd until he gets to Jared. Nobody really notices him, so he pulls out his badge,

"Agent Ackles, CBI! I need all of you to vacate this area, but do not leave the room. We'll be taking down everyone's contact details" the crowd disperses, and Jensen rushes forward to where Jared is sitting upright on the podium, his suit jacket is off and there's a dark, crimson patch on his right arm.

"Jared!" he calls, "What - why are you sitting up?!"

"It's just a flesh wound," Jared says glumly, his face pale, deep pain lines present on it. "Think I might have sprained my wrist when I fell". Before Jensen can respond, a loud booming voice enters their vicinity. _Morgan._

 

Jensen watches as Kane apprehends the man before he can reach Jensen and he sends a silent prayer to the man upstairs. Kane’s the only one who knows about him and Jared's past. Mostly because they weren’t serious, but also because it could seriously jeopardize the case if it were to become public knowledge.

 

~*~

 

Jared insists on Jensen riding with him in the back of the ambulance that finally shows up. Morgan had come over eventually but Jared had insisted that he didn’t feel safe enough going to the hospital alone. Jensen had been too frazzled to even say anything. He owed Chris and Jared for covering his ass. Of course if he was ever going to regain his focus he had to accept the reason why Jared getting hurt was having such an impact on him.

“Jensen!” Jared hisses, snapping Jensen out of his thoughts, “What’s wrong with you?” Jensen taps at his ear and Jared uses his left hand to pull out the earpiece. He pulls out his own and quickly tosses them out of the door before the paramedic can shut the door. There’s no point in Jared and Chris covering up for him if he screws up and babbles while his entire team is listening.

“You were almost killed!” he practically shrieks, “That’s what’s wrong!”

“It’s not the first time someone’s taken a shot at me,” Jared says sounding nonplussed.

“Just the first time someone’s actually gotten you?” Jensen snaps

“Well, yeah” Jared says with a smirk, and if looks could kill, Jared would be a dead man. He pulls a face and Jared just grins even more. But after a few seconds the smile falls and he sighs. 

 

By the time they reach the hospital, Jared’s mood has gone downhill. It turns out he’s a _terrible_ patient. Once he’s succeeded in driving all of the doctors and nurses' away Jensen re-enters his room. Jared doesn’t even look up, and Jensen decides that this is a good sign. He’s more likely to get something out of a cranky Jared than he would normally. Part of him doesn’t really want to do this now, but the 18 missed calls and one call that he actually took from Morgan means that he actually has to return to the office with some information.

 

“Got a call from Morgan, turns out that you were shot by a Layla Morrison, a 59 year old housewife who lives in Burbank.”

“Rachel’s mom,” Jared says sullenly. “I knew that she looked familiar – you should let her go”. Jared’s still turned away from him but Jensen still can’t help aiming an affronted expression towards him.

“We can’t just let her go – hell, not until she actually admits that she shot you!” Apparently when she’d been interviewed, she’d claimed not to remember anything from that day, including how and why she was at the party. There was nothing in her records to suggest that she had dementia or schizophrenia so right now she was being booked for attempted murder.

 “She was hypnotised, someone put her under a trance and told her to shoot at me” Jared explains and Jensen’s done with talking to his fucking back. He marches around the bed until he’s facing the younger man.

“And you know this how?” he demands to know.

“I saw her eyes.” is all Jared says and Jensen sighs in frustration.

 

~*~

 

“We done?” Jared asks as he sits up and swings his legs onto the floor, reaching for where his bloodstained suit is stashed. He has to get out of here. Everything is too much right now. Jensen just gives him a disapproving look, as he starts to pace. Jared slumps back against his pillow and sighs,

“Just say it, whatever huge rant you’re storing away, I’m ready to hear it, and then I want you to leave me alone”. He sounds so dejected that he Jensen feels his anger fade away,

“I just…I don’t want you to get hurt, I don’t like seeing you hurt.” it takes a lot of effort for Jensen to keep his voice steady but he manages it.

“And why is that?”

“Because I…because I lo—“

“Don’t say it” Jared interrupts, “I know I walked right into that one but just don’t okay. We had our time” Jensen gives him a hurt look and Jared tries his hardest not to just break. He has to keep Jensen out of this mess, out of the killer’s grasp, and that means that they can’t start anything. They probably shouldn't even look at each other funny.

 

"What's really the issue here?" Jensen asks and Jared sighs dejectedly, he tries to keep his anger at bay but right now he's in pain, has a killer headache and is coming to terms with the fact that someone took a shot at him. He knows that guilt and fear have prompted Jensen's confession, so it's easier for him to dismiss it. After all he knew back then that Jensen loved him. He ignores Jensen and starts to get dressed, not really caring about Jensen seeing his bare chest when he shrugs on his bloody shirt. He's about to stand up when Jensen seems to realise that he's not going to get an answer in the near future.

"You can't go home like that, in bloody clothes - also, I'm pretty sure you need to be discharged first". Jared swallows back the angry retort that rises up inside his chest. He could care less about being discharged.

"You hate hospitals, I know that," Jensen says, his voice softer. "But let the doctor come back and give you the 'all clear' while I try to hunt down some clean clothes". Jared nods as the other man turns to leave. His injuries aren't life threatening, just the flesh wound on his right shoulder and a bruised wrist. But still, he can’t help the fear that takes over as Jensen approaches the door.

“Don’t leave.” it’s practically a broken whisper, and Jensen stops in his tracks. He turns around, his gaze open and full of an emotion that Jared doesn’t want to name.

 

“I won’t”.

 

~*~

 

It’s the next morning when Jared comes down the stairs as Jensen is slugging his morning coffee. It’s black and hot, just the way he likes it, and he’s momentarily annoyed that Jared’s disrupting his reverie.

“You’re supposed to be resting,” he says loudly as Jared grabs his ever present suit jacket and shrugs it on. “ _Here,_ not in that stupid chair in a room full of stressed out police officers”.

“Well then buy me a couch.”

“That wasn’t my point”. They’re good at this; avoiding the elephant in the room. Jensen’s not sure if it’s the making or the breaking of them. It stings that Jared had stopped him from confessing his love, but Jensen never was any good at tact. Maybe he’d cook a nice meal, or take Jared out and ask if they can try again..

“There’ll be plenty of time to rest when we catch the killer - who by the way has struck again” Jared says hurriedly as he turns to look at Jensen expectantly.

_Maybe not._

“What?” Jensen asks just before his cell starts to ring. No… _really_? But sure enough, Morgan is on the other line with bad news. And of course it gets worse when he hears that they’ve already identified the victim.

It’s _Richard Speight_.

~*~

“Really? We’re doing this again?” Jared says, anger lacing his voice as Murray and Kane sit across from him in the interview room. He can tell that Jensen and probably other agents are watching him from behind the screen that’s poorly disguised as a mirror, “I’m not a suspect here, and I can _assure you_ that I’m telling the truth. If I wanted someone dead, I wouldn’t cut their heart out, I don’t have the time or patience for that”.

“Jared.” Chris’ voice is a subtle warning, and Jared nods at him. He likes Chris, mostly because underneath all of that fake bravado is a caring man who actually understands people.

“Why is _he_ here?” he asks, motioning towards Chad who’s smirking at him for some reason, “He’s only here because he thinks that I’m guilty, and he gets some sort of kick out of watching me squirm”.

“Special Agent Morgan asked that we interview you, which we can get on with just as soon as you stop with the backchat” Murray says snidely, and Jared glares at him.

“I’ll talk” Jared agrees, “As soon as I see the crime scene, and if not then I want my lawyer present”.

~*~

Fifteen minutes later and Jared’s riding shotgun with Jensen on their way to McKinley Park to see the crime scene. The forensic department hasn’t moved the body yet, so Jared’s hoping that he’ll be able to pick up some clues. Jensen however is not pleased.

“Is this really necessary?” he says, as he pulls over at a red light, “I mean it won’t be any different from the others”.

“Ah,” Jared replies, “You’re forgetting Rachel, I suspect that this is why her mom shot me, her death had the least media coverage, and no one has highlighted the fact that her body placement was different from everyone else’s”.

“Get to the point” Jensen says warily, and Jared can’t help the grin that forms on his face, “And this better not be one of your half-baked theories”

“There’s more than one killer,” Jensen brakes a lot harder than is necessary, and Jared quickly continues. “I’ve been waiting for someone to suggest this, but apparently nobody wants to face the reality of our workload being doubled, Rachel wasn't killed because she saw something – but _someone”_.

“The killer?” Jensen asks as he slows the car down and shuts off the engine, “And you’re here to _suggest_ things Jared so watch what you say in future”. Jared pulls a face at the older man before he answers the question. He’s here to _assist_ them, not hand them answers on a plate. Where would be the fun in that?

“Not _the killer_ , but an assistant of some sort. I suspect that they took something from my house,” he says, “But I just can’t understand why they’d break pattern so drastically, “The crooked heart, the writing of the name the press had given the killer on the wall”.

“Almost, like that’s what they want you to think – that we have a copycat on the loose?” Jensen suggests.

“It’s possible,” Jared muses. “But I just think it’s another piece of the puzzle. I feel as though Rachel’s death is where all the answers lie”.

~*~

Jared quietens down noticeably when they reach the crime scene. He examines the spot carefully, again the body is found concealed behind bushes in a different part of the park despite the fact that it’s being monitored constantly. Jensen watches as the man rummages underneath a few brown leaves and pulls out a pink piece of paper. Jared’s face is unreadable as he reads the note and Jensen strides over towards him and reads the note over his shoulder. It simply says, _Game On, ”Padalecki”._ Complete with quotation marks around Jared’s last name.

“Why is your name written in quotation marks?” Jensen can’t help asking, and Jared’s shoulders tense visibly.

“Why don’t you ask the killer?” he says sarcastically, even though his tone lacks any real bite, he sounds more wistful than anything, and Jensen frowns,

“What’s the matter?”

“Look at his wrists and his lower left arm,” Jared says and Jensen does. He spots the purple marks on Speight’s wrists and the lone, red scratch on his arm. It looks as though the victim tried to fight back or was in a fight beforehand. “Also note the way he’s dressed”. Again Jensen looks at the body and sees that the victim is in a well-tailored suit, and a blue shirt with a wide collar. A collar that’s far too wide, but Jensen doesn’t point that out he just faces Jared and says,

“This isn’t a game of guess Jared – what is that you are you trying to tell me?”

“Come on, make an educated guess!”

“No”.

“You’re no fun.” Jared says with an exaggerated sigh, and a few of the crime scene investigators chuckle and Jensen only realises how tense the atmosphere was moments earlier. It feels wrong to be here, smiling and joking when there’s a dead body in front of them but somehow Jared manages to put them at ease.

“A man is dead Jared,” Jensen says sternly. “A man that you once called your friend, so…just drop the act for once and be serious”. Jared swallows hard, because he knows that Jensen is right, and he’s just trying hard not to show anyone what he’s really going through.

“He was on his way to the same party that we were at last night, but he stopped off somewhere beforehand, Richard _knew_ who the killer was, or well he had his suspicions and they were proved right”.

“Okay, but how does that make any sense? Why would Richard be a threat to the killer?”

“I taught him everything that he knew”.

“You mean like, “Fake Psychic for Dummies?” Jensen queries, and Jared gives him a shocked look before cracking a small smile. Jensen just shakes his head, as if he can’t believe what he’s just said.

“You’re a bad influence, you know that?”

~*~

Morgan refuses to let Jensen question Jared once they get back to the CBI HQ. Jensen isn’t happy about it but he’s not stupid enough to argue about it.  He does manage to convince his boss that sending Murray back in there probably isn’t a good idea, and Morgan agrees, leaving him with Tom or Sandy to pick from. Sandy’s spent the majority of her time profiling so Jensen hasn’t really spoken to her much so that pretty much leaves him with Tom.

“Hey, Welling,” he calls. “Could you maybe handle Jared’s interview with Kane?”  He’s expecting a nod and a “of course sir”. But Welling tenses visibly and holds up the files and says,

“I’m just going through a list of the victim’s phone records – might take a while”. Jensen blinks at him, because, when he asks a member of his team to do something, the answer’s always yes, whether they like it or not. And Tom has never given him any trouble. He’s a quiet man, keeps to himself mostly but he’s efficient and has good attention to detail.

“I’m sorry,” Jensen says deliberately making sure that he doesn’t sound sorry at all. “But that’s going to have to wait”.

~*~

“You and the victims used to be friends didn’t you?” Chris asks, and Jared barely refrains from rolling his eyes. “Yet here you are not really showing any signs of being cut up over his death. You say that the two of you had a falling out – what was that about?”

“You know, you could have just asked that straight away, it’d save all of us a lot of time”.

“Just answer the question.” Welling’s tone is stern and indifferent, and Jared eyes him carefully before he shrugs and says,

“We had a falling out, yes. He wanted to expand the con or scam, whatever it is you people call it, he suggested that we start a group that specialised ‘in helping people’ instead of going after lone rich targets”.

“And you didn’t agree with that?”  

“I was barely 21 years old, I still had faith in the justice system and was afraid of getting caught” Jared responds, “It wasn’t for moral reasons or anything”.

“Well at least you’re honest,” Chris mutters.

“The Marin County scam - that was you and Speight?” Tom asks suddenly, and Jared tenses up. How the hell does Welling know about that? “Of course the two of you weren’t caught, because you made sure to ensure that your victims knew that you weren’t actually qualified professionals”. Welling’s blue gaze is cold and steely, and Jared feels a weird vibe, one that tells him that there’s more to Welling than meets the eye. The man is definitely hiding something behind his large frame and stoic expressions.

“What about the death threats, surely you weren’t as indifferent about those as you lead us to believe?” Chris interrupts; changing the subject abruptly as Welling slips his expressionless mask back on.

“Look, it wasn’t like that, we had a history – he had my back and I had his, we owed each other that much”.

~*~

 _It’s his eighteenth birthday and all Jared has to his name is a set of clothes, the shoes on his feet and his ratty backpack. He’d left before his foster parents could kick him out. He knew all about how the system washed their hands of you the second you turned 18, and he didn’t want to be a burden on anyone. So here was hanging around outside a bar, wondering if they checked for I.D. Perhaps he could convince the barkeep to give him a beer, on the house. He wasn’t sure that his crummy two dollars and 53 cents would cover it._ Aw hell _, he thinks, he might as well try._ _He walks in, keeping his head down low so as not to draw attention to himself. He decides to settle on one of the stools by the bar and watches as a short man with brown hair serves a few of the other customers. Jared notices the way the man’s hand trembles as he hands over a pitcher of beer, spots the fact that his pupils are dilated and he wonders what this man’s choice of poison is. Drink, drugs?_

_“I’d like a beer, please – whatever you’ve got on tap” Jared says as the man stops in front of him. The man gives him and enquiring look before chuckling dryly._

_“Got any ID on you?” Jared shakes his head.  “You’ll get your beer – in three years’ time when I can legally serve you”. Jared doesn’t bother to argue. If he really wanted a beer, he could get one. All he needed to do was to threaten to spill the beans on the fact that illegal drugs were being sold in the bar, and that this man was selling alcohol with an expired license. But, he settles for a coke. For now at least._

_~*~_

_He was nursing his third coke when the man slams his hand on the bar,_

_“Sorry kid, we’re closed”. Jared just sits there slurping away at his coke even slower than he was before, “What, you’re a street kid or something?”_

_“No, not yet anyway. I guess tonight is my first night – know any warm alleyways that are nearby?” he smirks before he goes back to slurping away at his coke, “Name’s Jared by the way”._

_“Richard”_

_“You got a nickname or something?”_

_“It’s just Richard”._

_“It’s kind of funny isn’t it; I mean here you are with what I would call a severe drinking problem running a bar – that can’t be good for you”._

_“Oh, what do you know?” Richard gives him a disdainful look and Jared grins at him._

_“I know a lot of things, the illegal poker games, the expired license, the drugs”_

_“Whoa, whoa! Someone’s selling drugs in my bar?”_

_“Yep, and if you let me stay here a couple of nights, I’ll tell you who, and I won’t rat on you to the cops” Jared hopes that his voice doesn’t give away the thinly veiled hope that is running through him. “And I can help you with your alcoholism”._

_The only response he gets is a raised eyebrow._

_~*~_

“And I did exactly that, helped him, and he gave me a place to live, and he always maintained that he’d forever be in my debt, because I helped him with his drinking problem”.

“Okay, Jared – I think we’re done here for now, thanks for cooperating for once.” Chris stands up, gathers his papers and heads over towards the door. This leaves Jared facing one Tom Welling, who is looking at him with steely eyes, Jared just smiles innocently, until the other man breaks eye contact.

On his way out he mentally adds Welling to his suspect list

~*~


	6. Part Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [based on The Mentalist]. Celebrity psychic Jared Padalecki is drawn into a cruel game with the media dubbed “Valentine Killer” when he insults him on live television. His best friend is murdered in cold blood, and that coupled with a thunderous clash with his old flame - CBI Agent Jensen Ackles - leads to him having a publicized breakdown. But soon he’s back and gunning for the murderer while trying to come to the terms with the deep running attraction between himself and Jensen. Little does he know that he’s in way over his head on both counts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the 2012 spn_j2_bigbang challenge. You don't need to have seen The Mentalist to understand this fic.

# Part Five

 

“…I gotta delivery for a Pada…Pala, okay whichever one of you has the fucked up last name” Jared looks up curiously at the man from the delivery company, angling his head as he tries to spot the package or whatever it is. For a moment his heart skips a beat as he wonders if it’s another grisly item that the killer has decided to forward onto him.

“Uh, that would be me.” The man motions him over and asks Jared to sign the electronic register. He scribbles his name with the weird pen and turns around to frown, when two other men drag in a couch to the main part of the large office; it’s brown and leathery looking. It looks fairly comfortable, but Jared does not remember ordering a couch. But before he can ask the delivery man, he sees them walking out of the room and someone catches his eye.  Jensen’s leaning by his office door, watching Jared with an unreadable expression on his face.

 _Huh,_ Jared thinks, _He bought me a couch._

~*~

Once all of the fuss over the couch has died down, they settle down to their scheduled afternoon briefing. It’s basically a session where they convene together and go over all of the information they’ve accumulated. Jared has already memorised all of it but it’s good to hear it again. Plus, his new couch is pretty comfy. Not that Jensen will let him enjoy it.

“Hey, can you at least sit up and attempt to look professional? Director Beaver will be here soon,” Jensen says. “He might want to talk to you”. Jared doesn’t reply as he watches people file into the room. He spies Chad and Morgan in deep conversation and wonders what they’re talking about. Chris and Sandy are over near the front of the room, laughing and joking with each other. Welling is standing by the door, shoulders square and tense as he surveys it. Jared observes him silently for a brief moment as he wonders what’s going on inside Welling’s head. Morgan glances over at Welling then and Jared slowly realises just who’d instigated the harsh questioning that he’d received.

He watches as two of the tech guys set up the computer and projector, he assumes that the information has been duplicated onto slides or something. That’s never really been his area of expertise. Technology is no match for the human mind but these days people just want to take the easy options, let a machine do all the hard work for them instead of engaging in some actual manual labour. Jared can’t really blame them, after all it’s human nature to want a life free of complications. His phone buzzes in his pants pocket and he curses the fact that he has a bruised left wrist and an injured right shoulder. It makes any movement painful and even though he’s succeeded in pushing the pain into the peripheral parts of his brain every now and then a sliver of agony creeps up on him.

“I’ll get it.” Jensen is still standing by his couch and he leans over allowing Jared to pick up his scent, it’s kind of like a mixture of Old Spice and just… _Jensen_. It’s the perfect definition of an awkward moment as Jensen slides his hand into Jared’s pocket and pulls out his iPhone. And if Jared maybe sits up a little straighter and crosses his legs it’s because an important debriefing session is about to take place. Jensen hands him the phone and Jared clicks open the text message and his blood goes cold as he reads the words, _ANOTHER BROKEN HEART, JARED. MORE BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS. IN FACT, I THINK I’LL LET YOU SEE FOR YOURSELF._ His phone buzzes again, and he sees that this time it’s a multimedia message with a video attached. He glances up at Jensen who’s moved away from the couch and is now talking with Chris and Sandy. The room is loud enough for him to play the video without people overhearing so he hits the play button and waits as loads. It starts off with Richard saying,

“I’m surprised that he hasn’t figured it out yet, that it’s _you,_ but if you stop this now, I won’t tell him, and I won’t tell anyone else.” Jared sees the slight nostril flare that indicates that Richard was lying through his teeth, but before he can dwell on it the screen fades to black and suddenly all he can hear is Richards’s cries for help. He sees the blood all over the man’s shirt and narrows his eyes. This must be why the collar had been too wide; Richard was quite obviously wearing a different shirt in the video. He swallows down the bile that is rising up in his throat and tries to examine the room that the video was filmed in, he mutes the sound so that the cries of pain don’t get to him but they’re already echoing inside of his head. The room is hard to see, with the close up angle of the video, but Jared does see something shine in the last five seconds of the video, kind of like a reflection of light, and it feels so familiar to him that it’s rather unnerving. He turns to see where Jensen is when something flashes in the corner of his eye. The badge of the Agent just directly in front of his couch.

_The badge..._

Jared feels his heartbeat speed up rapidly as he at least manages to make sense of one thing. The killer is in this very room. One of the CBI agents is a murderer with a personal vendetta against him.

_Fuck._

~*~

Beaver arrives twenty minutes late, bearing no excuses for his tardiness. The entire room quietens down to a whispered hush as he walks to the front of the room and as much as Jensen wants to roll his eyes, he’s just as quiet. This man could literally rip each and every one of their jobs away from them in a blink of an eye, and he knows that they all know this. Beaver begins to pace the room slowly, stroking his beard gently as he does.

“The CBI has been investigating The Valentine Killer for almost half a year and still we have no concrete evidence leading us to a suspect – not counting Mr Padalecki here – I have not had _one_ single report that tracks the pattern of killer. Not _one_ report explaining why there was a three month window in which nothing happened,” Beaver stops and he turns to look at Jensen,  “This leads me to believe that there has been serious lapse of management here, that no one is taking this seriously”.

“Sir, with all due respect—“Jensen attempts to try and defend himself and his team but Beaver raises a hand that effectively silences him.

“So I’m proposing a temporary change, as of now I’m putting Agent McCoy in charge,” Sandy doesn’t look too surprised and Jensen realises that she’s probably been feeding Morgan or Beaver information since she got here, “Everyone working on the case will report to her, Special Agent Morgan and myself”. Jensen stands there, mouth pressed into a thin line at his authority being removed from him with just a few words. It stings, and he retreats to the back of the room in anger. He tries to catch Jared’s eye, but he seems to be distracted, and he sighs as Beaver continues to talk.

“Mr Padalecki, seeing as how my staff have given you access to the files I’d like you to take control of this session, run through the victims, what you know and what you have used your abilities to infer”. There’s a long silence as Jared doesn’t answer, and Jensen gets a strong feeling that what happens next isn’t going to be good.

“No,” Jared says as he remains seated on his couch. “How about you ask one of these kind Agents, because I don’t answer to you, _sir_ ”. The room is so quiet that you probably could hear a pin drop, but Jensen is secretly happy that Jared is at least in the position to stand up for himself without being fired.

“I don’t need to, because you’ve already proved my point, Mr Padalecki,” Beaver responds. “Why else would you continue to remain in an environment where you’re of little help. Perhaps we should retrain all of our focus on you”.

“Sir—“Jensen can’t help the protest that falls from his lips, and Beaver turns to him and gives him a very stern look. Jensen promptly shuts his mouth.

“By all means, you can do whatever you want,” Jared says with a nonchalant shrug. “Unlike all of these people here you’re not the boss of me”.

“Then perhaps you should leave, after all I see no evidence of your usefulness – in fact that only thing you’ve managed to do since you started ‘assisting’ us is get shot”

“Oh sir,  you wound me with your callous words!”

“Get out of this building,” Beaver says, his face red with barely concealed in anger. “But don’t leave town, we’re not finished with you yet”.

“With pleasure, you arrogant, egotistical, sad, old man,” Jared says with a cheeky grin as he stands up, “I’m taking my couch with me though”.

“Get. Out.”

“I’m going, I’m going!” Jared replies as he walks over to the door. The room is still quiet, and everybody avoids looking towards him, “Oh and one more thing, lay off the donuts, they’re bad for your cholesterol levels”.

Jensen has to hide his smirk behind his hand.

~*~

Jared’s sitting behind Jensen’s desk spinning around in his chair when Jensen reaches the office. He looks bored, and Jensen doesn’t bother asking him what he wants,

“I thought you were ordered out of the building…”

“Oh please, Beaver’s all talk.”

“Whatever,” Jensen says, he’s too tired to argue. “What do you want?”. Jared’s silent for a long time as he regards Jensen quietly. His gaze is expressionless but strong, like he can see right through Jensen, and Jensen shifts uncomfortably.

“I can trust you right?” Jared asks suddenly. “I need to know that I can trust you”.  He’s asked Jensen before, and Jensen tries not to let it bother him that Jared feels the need to ask again. He should _know_ the answer to that by now.

“You know you can.” Jensen doesn’t miss a beat with his reply, and Jared nods before he leans across the desk and hands over his phone to Jensen. A video is open and Jensen frowns as he hits the play button. He watches in barely concealed horror at what unfolds on the screen. It’s a video of Richard _being killed._

“You can’t show anybody,” Jared says as stands up and comes to approach Jensen from behind, leaning over his shoulder as he plays the video, again skipping forward to the end. “You see that glint, the flare of light at the end?” his voice is low and soft, and his breath tickles Jensen’s neck. Jensen swallows as he tries not to react to Jared’s close proximity, and he clears his throat as he replies,

“Yeah, why? Is it important?”

“It’s a police badge,” Jensen freezes, moving forward so he can look at Jared’s face. “I think the killer is here, and that they work for the CBI!” Jensen’s first thought is that Jared’s pissed over the Beaver incident and lashing out, but as he looks closer  he can see the fear in Jared’s eyes. He’s scared.

“You’re scared,” he relays his thought out loud. “I-I mean, are you sure?” Jared nods.

_Well, shit._

~*~

Jared’s drunk by the time Jensen reaches his house, judging from the empty six pack rings in front of him. Jensen berates himself for sending the other man home after Jared had told him that the fucking Valentine Killer was a member of the CBI. Jared had wanted to speak to Rachel’s mom before he left, but Jensen wasn’t stupid. Beaver and his cronies were probably watching his house right now. He’d heard the implication in the Directors words. They still considered Jared to be a suspect. Add all of that to the fact that Jared had been shot the day before, the stress and pressure must be unbearable. Jensen sighs, as he remembers that before he’d waded into this shit storm, Jared had been locked up in mental facility. How was he coping underneath all of the smirks and bad jokes? Was he slowly but surely battling through all of this and coming out on top of everything, or was he fumbling and breaking to pieces inside?

Based on the sight in front of him Jensen was leaning towards the latter. He takes off his jacket and kneels down in front of him.

“Jared, are you okay, buddy?” he asks softly.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” his voice is slurred, but he sounds coherent enough, and Jensen revises his current opinion, “Oh. You thought that I drank all of these? Nah, I invited those young men from outside in to have a beer after they finished their shift”.

“You’re such a lightweight,” Jensen says with a sigh. “Also, what young men?”

“The ones watching your house, I assume that they’re Beaver’s guys”. Jensen groans and mumbles something about talking about this after he’s grabbed a shower.

It’s an hour later when he re-emerges to find Jared going through files, files that he was supposed to hand in to an Agent before he left. Jensen suddenly finds that he doesn’t want to go through it now, not again. His entire life has literally been taken over by this damn case, and he wishes that it would just end already. That Jared would just do his thing and tell them who the killer is. But that’s obviously not going to happen tonight. So he tries to distract Jared.

“Tell me about you.” he says.

“What?” Jared replies distractedly as he flips over the page he was reading, brows furrowed as he continues to read. Jensen rolls his eyes as he flops down on the couch idly wondering what he’s going to have for dinner. He stifles a yawn as he makes himself comfortable, stilling when he catches Jared looking at him blankly. “What?”

“Are you deliberately trying to break my concentration?”

“Yes!” Jensen says, “There’s no point in obsessing over the case now, not after the past two days, you should be resting, I mean have you checked the dressing on your shoulder?”

“You’re such a mother hen,” Jared says fondly. “And yeah, I stopped by the hospital before I got here; they fixed it up for me”

“Did you get any meds for the pain?”

“I don’t take medication unless I really have to, the pain is fine – I can manage it, I have my ways.” Jensen just shakes his head at the man as he reaches for the remote and switches on the television, leaving it on CNN.

“Maybe you’re right,” Jared says as he shoves the papers back into the blue folder. “It’ll be easier to go through in the morning”.

“Like you don’t have it memorised already!” Jensen scoffs as he stretches out. “But I’m glad you’ve given up, now…tell me about you”.

“Tell you what?” Jensen fumbles, eyes scanning the room until he spots his liquor cabinet, an idea popping into his head.

“I challenge you to a game of “I’ve Never’” he says, “Hell, it gives us a good excuse to get drunk”.

“Alright,” Jared says with a laugh, “You’ll have to teach me though, I’ve never played before”.

“Really? Not even with your friends?”

“I’ve only ever had two _real_ friends Jensen, and…now they’re dead and they were both pissed at me when they died.” Jared sounds sad and sullen, and Jensen is desperate for them to forget about everything just for one night, and he quickly says the first thing that pops into his head.

“Hey, I’m your friend.” his voice is softer that he’d intended it to be, and Jared gives him this _look_. The one that makes Jensen feel like he’s the most precious thing in the world. For some reason it’s just too much for him to bear, and he stands up and goes over to get a bottle of tequila from his cabinet. He pulls out a couple of shot glasses that he had stashed in there from the last time he and Chris hung out and jammed on their guitars.

“Let the games begin”.

~*~                            

“I’ve never been to college.” Jared says watching as Jensen tips his shot into his mouth, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he swallows. He concludes that he’s not drunk enough, mostly because he and Jensen apparently have lead drastically different lives.

“Seriously?” Jensen says, as he shoves a handful of chips in his mouth. They were both on the floor in front of the table. The lights were off with only the faint glow of the television providing luminance, “I mean I know you had a tough break but you have money now, why not go?”

“Meh, too many choices, too much hard work,” Jared says with a wave of his hand. He’d wanted to go to college once. Back before everything went to shit so fast, and he realised that no one gets everything they want, no matter how much they want it, “Besides, I’ve done well for myself, sort of.”

“I’ve never conned people out of hundreds of dollars,” Jensen says without missing a beat and Jared drinks his shot slowly, not caring that it makes his throat burn for longer. The easy atmosphere is evaporating around them, and he feels his shoulders tense up almost automatically.

“Try _thousands_ of dollars. I don’t expect you to understand, you had your parents to guide you through life and all of that shit but I had no one who gave a damn about me”.

“I’m sorry, that was uncalled for…I’ve probably had way too much of this stuff,” Jensen says as he puts his shot glass down. “Guess the game’s over” Jared snorts as he put his glass down on the floor by his leg. His shoulder’s been stinging like mad for about an hour now, but he does his best to centre his thoughts and push the pain back to his peripheral conscience. He can feel Jensen’s warmth bleeding into his side from where they’re pressed together, and he doesn’t want to move. But for some reason he can’t help poking at the wound, can’t help rising to the argument that Jensen’s trying to coax out of him for whatever reasons.

“It doesn’t have to be,” he replies. “In fact, I think we should continue. I’ve heard that this game is a good way of learning things about people”.

“J—“

“I’ve never broken someone’s heart”.

“You’re not serious?” Jensen asks warily as he looks at Jared, “God, you are. Well I’m sorry okay!”

“Oh you are?”

“Yes!”

“No, you’re—mmf” Jared’s words are cut off as Jensen kisses him hard. It’s a deep, scorching kiss; their tongues colliding almost violently as they lick into each other’s mouths. Jensen’s hands go upwards and are soon tangled up in Jared’s hair and he shifts some of his weight on top of Jared. This ends up putting pressure on Jared’s injured shoulder, and he can’t help groaning in agony. Jensen breaks the kiss promptly, his mouth red and swollen as he blinks,

“Shit, your shoulder! Are you okay?” Jared barely even hears the question as his lust filled mind screams for more Jensen.

“Shut up.” he says as he leans forward and recaptures Jensen’s mouth.

~*~

The next morning, Jensen wakes up alone in his bed. If it wasn’t for the ache in his ass and the throbbing inside his head he could almost pretend that last night hadn’t happened. With a heavy sigh, he gets up slowly. There’s no rest for the wicked after all - he’s got a murder case to solve. One that involves Jared, the man he loves. Suddenly the urge to get back into bed is strong. He knows that his own thoughts and feelings are clouding the case. Jared won’t even tell him what's in the locked files despite the fact that Jensen knows that it could be directly linked to the case. If the killer isn’t targeting Jared then he must have some sort of vendetta against him, because they most definitely wants to see Jared suffer. And on top of that he’s been demoted, so, yeah, he’d sure as hell rather get back into bed. But…he’s worked far too hard for his job, he's not going to be cast aside and shoved onto the scrap heap by Beaver. No fucking way. Besides, McCoy won’t stand a chance without Jared’s help. And someone needs to be on hand to control him.

By the time he makes it downstairs Jared is nowhere to be seen, and Jensen finally lets himself relive the events of the previous night as he wonders just how badly he’s fucked up this time. They’d both been pretty drunk, that much was obvious for sure. His memory is foggy, but he remembers Jared losing his shirt, remembers running his hands all over miles of golden, tan skin. Captivated by Jared’s scent and heat as he gave back as good as he got. He’s still thinking about it when Jared re-appears, balancing two coffees and a paper bag in his hand. He looks surprised to see Jensen standing in the exact spot where they’d been sitting last night, and he just clears his throat. An awkward silence passes between them and Jensen wonders what the hell has changed since last night. Well, besides the whole having sex thing. Which he’s probably underselling but he can’t help feel the easiness, the way he felt that he could be himself around Jared. Even after all their history, they’d managed to just fall back into an easy rhythm, and suddenly Jensen can’t bear to lose it all simply because he got drunk and made a move. Things between them were still up in the air back from when they’d been at the hospital and Jensen’s abortive “I love you”. Maybe it’d been bad timing, and finally saying it now would be spectacularly bad timing. But he got the impression that Jared would never let him see it.

“I love you.” he blurts out, wincing at how it seems to make the previous silence seem starker than it was before. There’s a tense, awkward silence as Jared just looks at him curiously, eyes flicking as he _mentalises_ him or something. Jensen fights the urge to roll his eyes because just _once_ he wants Jared to say something instead of hashing everything over inside his stupid head. There’s been silence for at least three minutes before Jensen caves in and breaks it,

“Jared…” he says softly, hating the pleading tone his voice has. He watches as Jared’s eyes flutter, as if his mind had been somewhere else.

“You don’t love me,” Jared says eventually his voice is strained and it lacks any real emotion. “You _can’t_ ”.

“Why not?” Jensen demands.  Jared sighs in what Jensen perceives to be frustration. He puts the coffees and paper bag down onto the table and reaches into his inner pocket and pulls out a piece of paper. He hesitates for a few seconds before he hands it over. The guilty look on his face doesn’t do much to quench Jensen’s anger after he reads the note. It says **_TELL ACKLES TO WATCH HIS BACK,_**  and Jensen can’t believe that Jared’s been keeping this from him.

“What the hell is this?” he says rather pointlessly. “How long have you had it?” Jared clears his throat quietly, his eyes facing the ground as he trembles slightly. Jensen knows that Jared would have been shaken up when he got this but how many times has he hammered home the point about _working together_? That did _not_ include withholding vital evidence.

“The day I got the watch…” Jensen furrows his brow as he tries to remember. It takes a few seconds but he nods when it comes to him. He can’t remember them actually doing anything about the watch. One look at Jared tells him that that watch is probably still in his possession and not in the evidence locker where it should be.  This time Jensen doesn’t even want to hold back the flare of irritation that he feels coiling inside of himself.

“What the hell aren’t you telling me Jared? Is this something to do with your sealed records?” He pauses as he waits for Jared to maybe speak up but he doesn’t so Jensen tries to press the matter further. “We’ll get the go ahead from the FBI any day so you might as well tell me”. Jensen’s mostly bluffing of course. His team and the FBI have been butting heads in recent years, and he knows that they’ll be doing everything they can to slow down Jensen’s request. It’s the politics of the job. Jared raises an eyebrow, and Jensen knows that he’s been made so he just sighs.

“Just…tell me” Jensen almost pleads, voice soft. _Even if it’s something awful, I won’t judge._ “You saw what happened with Beaver yesterday, don’t you owe me this? This could get me back in his good books”. Jensen knows that playing the work card isn’t his best move, but he’s wary of opening up to Jared any more than he has already. He doesn’t want to get his heart broken right now. Not when they’re in the middle of a high-profile, multiple murder case. That wouldn’t benefit anybody. Jared’s expression doesn’t change though and he’s just about to say something when Jensen’s cell rings. _Dammit_. Momentarily, he prays that no one else has been killed. He knows that another murder is probably inevitable. It’s an ugly way of thinking but he’s a cop, he has to be realistic. But today of all days, he doesn’t need it.

Luckily it turns out to be about Rachel’s mom. Her lawyer is trying for bail, and as the Agent in responsible for  filling out the paperwork, he needs to be present.  Jensen mumbles a curse under his breath as he takes a coffee from the table and starts chugging it down like his life depends on it. Idly, he wonders where Jared really was so early in the morning but his train of thought is disrupted by Jared laughing softly.

“What is it?” he asks, and Jared just starts to smirk at him.

“You know, we just had an entire conversation before a drop of caffeine hit your bloodstream,” he teases. “You deserve a medal for your coherency”.

“Shut up” Jensen grumbles with an exaggerated pout, and Jared throws his head back and laughs. It’s infectious, because Jensen can’t help succumbing to it and joining in a few moments later. It’s funny, the note proves that he’s almost certainly a target, and it should worry him. It should scare him. But this moment here with Jared makes him feel so carefree and happy and he tries to pretend that none of that’s real.  It’s just him and Jared.

No one can blame him for trying to cling onto this feeling.

~*~


	7. Part Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the 2012 spn_j2_bigbang challenge. You don't need to have seen The Mentalist to understand this fic.

# Part Six

 

“Jensen? Morgan wants to speak to you” Kane says as he pokes his head into the door. He doesn’t even blink at the fact that Jared’s present, and Jared smiles to himself a little

“Nice to see you, Jared,” the shorter man says. “Thought you were banned from this place?”

“I have a perfectly good couch that I need to move outta here.  How else am I going to move it?” Jared replies grinning, and Jensen rolls his eyes as he stands up and makes his way over to the door.

“Don’t move.” Jensen says sternly as he looks back and Jared nods at him with a smile. He’s not saying that he won’t move, and he’s not saying that he’ll listen.

He waits five minutes before he creeps to the door and peers out. The hallway is mostly empty and he quickly darts out and runs down to the lower area of the building where the holding cells are. He charms the guard into letting him in, finding Rachel’s mom in the cell down on the right, near the back. The guard opens it for him and Jared walks in, taking a deep breath as he does. She did _shoot_ him after all. His shoulder twinges a little but he brushes it off, he’s supposed to get it checked out at his medical centre every couple of days, but he hasn’t had a chance. Jared’s not even sure that he’s even got a doctor anywhere. He shrugs; he has a friend who can check it over for him.

From what he’s heard from Jensen, in the four days since she’s shot him she hasn’t uttered a word apart from confirming her name. The psych team have declared her to be alert and mentally fit, and she’s apparently going to be tried for attempted murder. Jared doesn’t agree with this. Hell, she’s just lost her only child to a brutal and evil serial killer. Not only that though, there’s something off about this. Jared can still remember the look in her eyes in that ballroom. Her gaze had been locked on his almost like she’d been in some sort of trance. The fact that she apparently hadn’t uttered a word just told him that whoever had done it had known their stuff. And he was pretty sure that the person who’d put her under the trance was now dead. No wonder Richard had been planning to come to the ball. Whether it’d been to warn Jared or to watch the whole spectacle he’d never know. All he had to was find the trigger that would knock her out of it. Most skilled people could come up with a smart enough trigger that would pull their subject out of their trance. If it was done properly, putting someone under the trance could be fatal to both the person and anyone who got in that person’s way.

“Jared…?” Mrs Harris’ voice is low and shaky and Jared clears his throat as he walks into the cell and perches on the end of the threadbare mattress that they provide. Her eyes seem unfocused for a second or two and Jared watches as realisation dawned on her, and he knows without having to think about it that _he’s_ the trigger.

“Uh, are you okay, ma’am?” he asks as she continues to stare at him with wide eyes. She doesn’t seem to hear him though, she doesn’t even blink.

“I have a message for you,” she says. Her voice is steadier now but still low. “He said that this isn’t going to stop, not until you figure out who he is, and what he’s disguised as, and not until you pay severely for what you did”.

“What I did?” Jared says. “Did he tell you what that was?” But she’s done talking, and he watches as she blinks repeatedly and then widens her eyes as if she is seeing Jared for the first time.

“Oh my god!” she cries her voice rising slightly. Jared turns to see if the guard is hovering by the cell door but he doesn’t see anyone. Briefly he realises that there’s probably camera’s situated in the cell somewhere and he wonders what his latest sanction will be. He can’t dwell on this for too long though because Mrs Harris is still talking. “Oh my god, I shot you! Are you okay? Did I get you…I don’t even know what I was doing”.

“Whoa, whoa! Calm down” Jared says gently as he looks at her face directly until her eyes lock onto his. “Just take some slow, deep breaths – that’s it – just look straight into my eyes and try and calm yourself down”. He nods gently as she looks in him the eye, chest heaving as she breathes in and out deeply.

“That’s it,” Jared says soothingly as she visibly calms down, “Now I need to ask you a few questions about Rachel, is that okay?” She nods and Jared taps her on her shoulder gently.

“Before she died, did she say anything strange or do anything strange?” he asks, hoping to God that she actually has something helpful and that he’s not being an insensitive jerk.

“No, she didn’t say anything but she seemed scared, which was to be expected. She said that she’d spoken to your young friend a couple of times” Mrs Harris replies. “The last time I saw her she was leaving you a voicemail and rushing back to your place”.  Jared tenses up immediately; he doesn’t remember receiving a voicemail. Then again he barely even knows how to work his phone. A brief pat down informs him that he doesn’t even have it on him and he sighs as he turns back to Mrs Harris.

“Do you know what she was saying?”

“No not really. You know what these young people are like, yourself included. I bet you drive your mother wild with your shenanigans on television.” Jared can’t help smiling at her fondly. She kind of reminds him of someone that he hasn’t seen for a very long time and suddenly it dawns on him that he has to get her out of this mess somehow. He can’t just leave her to rot in jail; not when she’s been caught up in this sick, twisted game.

~*~

When he gets back, Jensen’s sitting in his office behind the desk, typing away on his desktop computer. Jared also notices that the two old chairs that had been in there before have been replaced by his couch. He smiles to himself softly before he sobers up and looks up at Jensen, who hasn’t acknowledged him yet.

“I don’t even want to know what you were up to,” Jensen remarks before he can say anything. “Apparently Beaver’s had a change of heart. Dismissing me like that was unprofessional and uncalled for, and I’m now in charge of the case again _along_ with Sandy”.

“Sandy’s loyal, she’ll leave most of it to you, so she can focus on telling Morgan whatever he wants to hear about her “profile” and the elusive Valentine Killer,” Jared says in a mocking tone. “So what did he have to say about me?”

“You’re on the case as my informant, due to my request. You’re not permitted to be a consultant again until this case is officially closed”

“Fine by me.” Jared says as he flops down onto the couch, arms and legs sprawled everywhere as he sinks into it. He closes his eyes as he thinks over what Mrs Harris told him. Images flash inside his mind as he remembers Chad coming back with a Coke for himself. Chad handing him his phone that day Jared bought everyone breakfast, and that weird vibe that he gets from the man, and last of all the flash of the police badge in the video. He’s so deep inside his memory palace that he barely registers Jensen calling his name.

“What?” he says as he blinks through the fog and sits up so that he’s facing Jensen.

“I said that where were you when I was gone?” Jensen repeats with a slight frown on his face. “And how many people did you hypnotise?”

“None!” Jared lies, though he can’t help laughing at the look of disbelief that Jensen gives him. “Okay, maybe one person.”

“Okay and?” Jensen asks. “Did you find anything that we can use in our case? Because right now we have a rising body count and no promising leads.”

“We have a lead,” Jared says sternly. “I believe that the killer is a member of the CBI, and the only people I can rule out are you and Chris. Besides, focusing on the killer is essentially a waste of time if we have no leads. We have to try and figure out who they’re going to target next, and why Rachel’s death broke pattern”.

“Rachel? The girl who lived in your pool house?”

“Yes. And the killer painted “The Valentine Killer” in her blood on the wall, drew that crooked heart and used the Coke to clean up all of the evidence, all of which suggests that there is another killer. I know that I’ve told you all of this before but I spoke to Rachel’s Mom and she apparently left me a voice message” Jared replies. “This fits in with what the boyfriend said”.

“What did the message say?”

“That’s the thing, I don’t remember getting a message, and I don’t have my phone with me”. Jensen doesn’t answer straightaway, but he gets up and walks over to his coat and reaches into his pocket, producing Jared’s iPhone. Jared doesn’t think anything of it, because he knows that he literally leaves it anywhere. He kind of misses the days when it was acceptable to still be using a flip phone.

“I sent that video to a friend of mine last night so I had it” Jensen says as he hands it over to Jared. Jared calls his voicemail number and listens as the automated voice tells him that he has two messages. The first one is from the producer of his now defunct TV show and he deletes it after playing it. She refuses to accept the fact that Jared is not willing to do a special edition of his show, no matter how much cash she continues to try throw his way. The second one however, peaks his interest.

_“Jared, honey, it’s me Sam. There’s something that we need to talk about. I tried stopping at your place the other day but you’re not there and apparently it’s a crime scene. I can’t really talk over the phone. Just come and see me, okay? Speak to you soon. Bye for now”_

Samantha Ferris had been his psychiatrist back when he’d had the breakdown after Milo’s death. Just thinking about it evokes a twinge of sadness inside him and he wonders how long this is going to continue. How long is this sick, tormented soul going to be torturing Jared?  And why does he feel as though he deserves everything that’s happening. It’s weird that she’s calling him though, because he hasn’t spoken to her since the day he was discharged. He’d walked into the nearest clothes store, decked out in old sweatpants and a too tight t-shirt and had bought the first suit he’d laid eyes on. Appearances were everything, and Jared liked to look smart. Not because he was trying to impress anyone. But people only ever took you as seriously as you took yourself. Milo had taught him that and even though sometimes he thought that it was most likely a pile of crap, he found himself sticking to the routine.

Oddly enough, being reminded of his time in rehab just made him yearn for a pair of loose jeans and a t-shirt.

Maybe once he’d solved the case. He couldn’t just hang around the CBI as plain old Jared; no one would pay attention to him. Hell, no one had ever paid any attention to “plain, old Jared” at all. Not unless they wanted something from him.

“What are you thinking about? Who was that?” Jensen’s voice derails Jared’s train of thoughts

“How I’d kill to just wear a t-shirt and jeans all day for once.” It’s not entirely a lie, but he’s not ready to tell Jensen about Sam yet. Not until he finds her at least. Jensen laughs at his words a little,

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a t-shirt, at home you just take your jacket off and stay in your waistcoat or sweater vest”.

Jared can’t help the way Jensen says _home_ pulls at his heartstrings.

~*~

Jensen sighs as he and Chris pull up outside a huge mansion that he could never dream of ever affording.  Jared had left to “go and find lunch” while they’d still been at the station. He knows that Jared is withholding something but he doesn’t have time to force the issue. If anything it’s good that Jared’s not here as Beaver has ordered him to review each victim again. First up is Mrs Bell, the illustrious house wife from Marin County. Her husband is a stubborn bastard who had clammed up the first time they came to interview him. However, when Jensen had called him, he’d been very willing to have this conversation with them. As far as Jensen knows, she was once a client of Jared’s, Jared himself had confirmed this but not offered up any other information.

“Hey did you know that Jared took out a restraining order against her?” Chris says as he taps the screen on his phone. Jensen sighs; he misses the days when you couldn’t access information on smartphones. It meant that you didn’t get new information just before you were about to interview someone.  It’s amazing how it could throw everything off kilter, how easily they went from being well prepared to floundering.

“No, I didn’t” Jensen says shortly. “What’s it say?”

“Apparently, she was harassing him and calling him non-stop, sending threatening messages” Chris reads from the phone and Jensen sighs. _Thanks a lot Jared_ , he thinks sarcastically as they get out of the car and make their way over to the correct door. The door practically opens before they can even locate it and Mr Bell calls them over. Jensen frowns at the man’s demeanour and suddenly he doesn’t have a good feeling about this. He lets Chris start with the questions. He asks Mr Bell when he’d last seen his wife, how she’d been, and the usual stuff. The last time they’d spoken, he’d been brash and rude but now…he seems down somehow.

“I found this a week ago when I was going through her things,” the widower says as he hands over a thick book to Jensen. “I had no idea that things had gotten this bad, Agent Ackles”. Jensen opens the book and is met with pictures of Jared spread over almost every single page on the book. A sick feeling begins to churn around in his stomach and he finds himself thinking that Jared taking out a restraining order was a very wise move.

“That’s not all,” Mr Bell says as he hands over a smaller, thinner book. It seems to be a diary of some sort. “Looks like your fake psychic wonder got around over the years. He whored himself out as well as giving stupid bullshit readings”. Jensen finds himself feeling rather defensive despite his own disapproval of Jared’s past actions.

“With all due respect sir, I advise that you watch your tone”.

“Why?” Mr Bell all but spits the word out. “Just because he’s helping you people out doesn’t mean he’s not guilty – I’m even more convinced now that he killed my wife”.

“Oh yeah? And what motive would he have?” Jensen can’t help responding as he ignores the warning look that Chris throws him.

“That he was a fake and a fraud. He told Kris that I wasn’t having an affair,” Mr Bell laughs bitterly. “That wasn’t the truth. Not that he cared about her ever finding out the truth. $500 and a quick fuck, and she was gone for him. Said that she loved him – it’s all in there! Every sordid detail!”

“Thank you for your time sir,” Chris says as Jensen glares at Mr Bell. “Let’s go”.

~*~

_Alexis is a nice girl, selfish and a bit of a brat, but nice. Jared just thinks that she’s misunderstood like all teenagers are. He’s surprised when he gets the call from her parents, he doesn’t really do missing persons work. He leaves that to the professionals, because he certainly doesn’t want any blood on his hands. But he gets a feeling during the call. It might just be anticipation of receiving the hefty sum her parents have offered though. He should maybe refuse to accept it but he knows that he won’t. There’s an ugly part of him that wants to take every penny anyone’s willing to throw at him, a part of himself that he’s failed to get rid of. Maybe one day, he tells himself, before it’s too late, he’ll get his act together._

_He finds her within about a day but doesn’t inform her parents. Jared’s pretty sure that they won’t be too happy to see her drugged up to her eyeballs and dirty. He’s certain that she doesn’t want them to see her like that either. So he takes her to his place, let’s her shower and calls a friend to bring him clothes that she can wear. At first she’s feisty and rude, but she soon grows tired of pretending to be something that she’s not. He asks her why she’d want to mess up her life and live on the streets when she has parents who love her, a warm home to go to, and she can’t answer.  It’s obvious that it’s heartbreak that’s sent her down the rails, Jared wouldn’t even consider taking her back home if he thought that her parents weren’t as innocent as they’ve claimed to be._

_He sees the way she starts looking at him as the night wears on, and he knows that he should have just taken her home.  It turns out that, absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Unfortunately for Alexis, her feelings remain unrequited._

_~*~_

There’s complete silence in the car as they drive to the parents of the next victim’s house. They’d split the workload so that they could cover all bases in one day. Milo, Richard and Rachel’s deaths weren’t under scrutiny yet, because Jared has assisted so far, yet he’d not so much as uttered a word about the first three victims. Chris and Jensen were focusing on the first two, and Jensen had sent Chad and Tom to visit Aldis Hodge (victim #3)’s brother up in Malibu. Victim #2, Alexis Bledel’s parents also lived nearby Marin County so it made sense for Chris and Jensen to visit them next. He can feel Chris shooting him concerned looks as he drives, and Jensen steadfastly ignores him in favour of watching the oncoming traffic. He knows that Chris won’t be quiet forever, and he wonders how the hell he’s going to get out of the conversation.

“I didn’t want to have to ask but are you and Jared…”

“It’s complicated.” he replies as he looks straight ahead.

“Okay, so why are you angry?” Chris asks. “This – the Kristen thing – was over five years ago, the kid was what 19, 20? Way before the two of you ever had a thing”.

“Actually, he was 21 when we had a thing!”

“Wasn’t that around the time when he was scamming Marin County…” Chris trails off as Jensen glares at him. “Okay, so this Alexis girl was also before the two of you had a thing, what’s the problem”.

“The problem is that _we_ – the police – worked with him while he was pulling all of these scams. _We’re_ supposed to be the law; he lied to Mrs Bell, what if he lied back when he helped Morgan and us on that case”.

“You were just a rookie back then, Jensen, I’m pretty sure that all of the case details weren’t disclosed to you, and you’ve never thought to look it up since”

“Why would I?”

“Jared didn’t help on that case; he came forward as a witness. He may have psyched out a few people for us but that was it”.

“It doesn’t matter” Jensen says. “He…I thought that…I don’t know what I thought. I guess I just got jealous”.

“Of a dead woman who Jared was so uninterested that he took out a restraining order against her? That’s pretty messed up”.

  1. But it only gets worse from that point.   



~*~

Mr and Mrs Bledel are even angrier than Mr Bell was, and Jensen has to quench back the desire to defend Jared. It’s funny, because he thinks that he’s just as angry at Jared as these people are. He _knows_ that his anger is unjustified. If anything he’s angry at himself. But Chris is right it’s all water under the bridge. He can’t help that feeling something is wrong. Why is this information just coming to light _now_? Does Morgan really have reason to believe that Jared’s the killer after all? Because Jensen can think of at least ten ways in which Jared being the killer would damage the CBI’s integrity. Yet they have no leads, Richard Speight’s a dead end now that he’s… _dead,_ and Jensen hasn’t heard back from Steve about the video Jared was sent by the killer.

“That wasn’t so bad” Chris remarks as they peel away from the driveway. “Standard stuff. Kid was acting up, got a crush on the guy who found her.”

“I’m pretty sure the words her mom used were ‘in love’” Jensen replies dryly, and Chris just shakes his head.

“Doesn’t mean it was true.”

They’re pretty much back to where they started. No suspect, no clear motives and no idea _who_ the next victim will be.

~*~

 

Samantha Ferris is missing. Well that’s the conclusion that Jared has come to anyway. Its 4pm, his shirt is sticking to his back, and his feet hurt from all the walking around he’s been doing. According to the workers at the rehabilitation centre, she hasn’t turned up to work today. Plus, he’d looked her up in the phonebook and found her name and address listed, but had been met with silence when he’d gotten to her apartment. Not only that, the place had been trashed. Which he only knew because he’d picked the lock and snuck in. He’d been careful not to touch anything though, because he got the eerie feeling that this was a trap.  Jensen wasn’t picking up his cell either so he literally had no idea what to do.

He tries calling Sam again as he jumps into the cab that’s been ferrying him around all day, giving the cab driver his own address instead of Jensen’s. He’s almost convinced that he’s cracked the mystery surrounding Rachel’s death. It’s all about the missing voicemail and the sloppy penmanship on the wall. Jared’s just got to keep on rearranging the pieces.  He knows that she was _silenced._ He sends Jensen a text that says, **_tried callin – need to speak 2 u, it’s urgent – call me_** _._ But in the twenty minutes that it takes him to get to his house there’s no reply.  Jared shrugs it off as he pays the cab of driver with a wad of cash and tells him to keep the change. As the vehicle drives away, he smiles to himself as he imagines Milo chiding him softly for giving his money away carelessly. With a wistful sigh he makes his way around the back of the house, noticing that there’s no visible police presence here.

The pool house, when he gets there, is still covered in yellow police tape, but he ducks underneath it and slips into the house. The sign is the first thing he sees. It’s not crimson red anymore but more of dull brown. The words “Valentine Killer” are still easy to make out as well as the crooked heart. He squints as he looks across the room. There’s nothing there but an empty wall. If he was the killer, where would he put a sign intended to distract someone looking for clues. Across from the room would be the obvious choice. Instead of…hiding it in plain sight. He looks down slowly and spies the dresser that’s under the sign. It’s devoid of all objects; those have been bagged up and taken by the cops. But the dresser is still there. And now that he’s thinking about it, he remembers there being two loose tiles behind it that he’d never gotten around to fix. He’d bought the dresser himself to cover it up. But the killer wouldn’t have known that.

Jared puts his bag down onto the bed and rolls up his sleeves as he ignores the guilt that grips his chest tightly. He pushes at the dresser until the uneven floor tiles are on view and he eagerly scrabbles down and pulls them up. At first he doesn’t see it, but then he eventually notices a small white square. It’s a small folded piece of paper, and it breaks Jared’s heart a little.

_Jared. I’ve not been able to get a hold you in a few days for some reason. I called and left a message but maybe you didn’t get it. I’m…scared. For myself and you. I saw something…someone, lurking around outside. I knew that I’d recognised him from somewhere, and then I realised that he was a cop from the station. He was holding a bag and literally scoping the bushes for something. I…I think he saw me and…god, what if he comes for me? What if he kills me? Anyway, I’m rambling. I didn’t see much but….he had blonde hair, that was kind of spiked up. His name was something Murray, I think. I can’t remember._

_I’m leaving this here, in case something happens. Look after my mom for me? She secretly adores you! I know you’ll look after her if something happens._

_Rach._

As a rule, Jared never displays his true emotions at all. Even if he’s on his own, he never knows who could be watching. There’s always someone watching. But before he realises it a tear has escaped from the corner of his eye, tracing a path down his cheek slowly before it reaches his chin and drops. As he reaches to wipe his face off, his phone vibrates in his pocket. He sniffs as he pulls it out not even bothering to check the caller ID.

“Jensen?” he blurts out right away with a hopeful note in his voice. The silence he’s met with sends a chill down his spine. “Who is this?”

“ _You already know who I am,”_ The low and slightly distorted voice replies. “ _It’s shame that I had to get rid of the girl. But it is your fault after all”._

“You didn’t have to kill her,” Jared says expertly masking the way he’s silently saying fuck _, shit fuck, fuck!_  inside his head. “I would have found out; in fact I knew there was something off with you, _Chad_ ”. There’s no inward gasp or any sign of surprise, and Jared quickly concedes that he’s just lost the upper hand.

“ _Chad? Ha-ha. Well my name is irrelevant at this point, but I think you know that, Jared”._

“You sick basta—“

“ _You had your suspicions after Richard, and once I’m done with the shrink, there’ll be no one to back up your story, Jared. And finally, you’ll be where you belong.”_

“I—you’re serious, you…know about everything don’t you, but it’s not just Richard and Sam that knew. No. No you wouldn’t”

“ _Guess, you’re going to have to put that ticket to Ohio you keep stashed under your pillow to use, huh?”_

“Why?” Jared demands to know, “Why are you doing this?”

“ _Because you ruined everything”_. Before Jared can probe the caller anymore the line goes dead, and Jared closes his eyes as he breathes in deeply. _In and out, in and out._ In and—God, he can’t handle this. Not on his own, but he _can’t_ call Jensen. He thinks about Grace, his foster mother, who he hasn’t seen for years and he knows that the killer is right.  He’s going to go, and make sure that she’s alright. He’s going to walk right into the trap that he’s been walking to all along.

The FBI isn't going to hand over his file, how could they do that when his file doesn’t even exist anymore? He’d truly believed that none of this would come out. That his… _family_ wouldn’t be dragged into this but it turned out that he really was poisonous. Everything he touched was slowly decaying and rotting and just falling into pieces around him.

He just wants everything to _stop_.

~*~

Chris barges into Jensen’s office with a thunderous look on his face, not even bothering to close the door properly. Jensen barely blinks at the man’s rage, knowing that he’d been pissing the man off steadily as the day had progressed. He wasn’t exactly in the best of moods either.

“I got a call from the FBI,” he says, when Chris doesn’t offer any words. “Apparently Jared no longer has a sealed file. Can you believe that? The first eighteen years of his life just gone. Vanished into thin air! Man, if this does turn out to be him…I’m so _stupid_!” The sound of the door slamming shut hard jolts Jensen into awareness, and he sees that Chris looks even more pissed off with him.

“You’re an idiot, Jen,” he growls. “Why haven’t you been answering his calls? You know what doesn’t answer that. Grab your coat; we have to get down to McKinley Park”. It takes Jensen a while to reconnect the dots but when does he frowns. McKinley Park…as in…

“Jared called me, and he was freaking out. He said that he had to go away for a couple of days and that we should probably be expecting another body”.

“It’s him isn’t it?” Jensen says in disbelief, even as his brain yells at him to shut up. “I can’t believe it”.

“Come on!” Chris all but yells. “You and I both know that Jared would never even hurt a fly,  Jensen – wake up or I swear to God that I will deck you”.

“Try it and I’ll have you suspended so fast that you won’t know what hit you,” Jensen responds in a curt voice as he stands up and reaches for his jacket. “Put out an APB on Jared and take Chad with you, I’ll meet you there”

“Jensen!”

“No, Chris…just…I’ve made way too many excuses for him. We didn’t research him thoroughly, and now we have years of his life that we are yet to account for…what do you want me to say, man?”

“I’m disappointed in you.” Jensen just sighs as the man leaves his office.

~*~

 


	8. Part Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [based on The Mentalist]. Celebrity psychic Jared Padalecki is drawn into a cruel game with the media dubbed “Valentine Killer” when he insults him on live television. His best friend is murdered in cold blood, and that coupled with a thunderous clash with his old flame - CBI Agent Jensen Ackles - leads to him having a publicized breakdown. But soon he’s back and gunning for the murderer while trying to come to the terms with the deep running attraction between himself and Jensen. Little does he know that he’s in way over his head on both counts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the 2012 spn_j2_bigbang challenge. You don't need to have seen The Mentalist to understand this fic.

# Part Seven

 

Jared's flight touches down in Toledo, Ohio in the early morning due to the varying time zones, and he orders a cab that'll drive him to the house where he spent three years growing up. So far he hasn’t been approached by the police so he figures that he’s got a little more time on his hands.  

He schools his expression in a manner that he knows makes him look calm and thoughtful. But really, he's nervous and his hands are trembling, and he wishes that Jensen was here with him. Or Milo or hell, _anyone_. He swallows hard only to find that his throat is dry, and he fishes out a water bottle from the small bag on the seat next to him and chugs some of it down. As the car speeds down the highway, he tries to figure out if these are the same stretches of road that took him out of Ohio. The same road as he used when he ran away all those years ago.

 

~*~

_Jared is 13 when his Auntie May passes away one evening, right there by the fire. He doesn't have parents and she was all he had, so he's left in the capable hands of Social Services. They have him in a foster home within a day. It's nothing like what Jared is used to. Auntie May isn't there to tell him what a special boy he is for knowing exactly when she needs her pills. The kids here are merciless at first, but after a bloody nose and a kick to the stomach, Jared smartens up. He uses his ability to blackmail them into leaving him alone. Jared doesn't expect it to work but it does, soon he's actually able to read his tattered copy of The Great Gatsby in peace inside the common area in the home. He keeps to himself mostly but slowly the other kids open up to him when he starts telling them ‘secrets’ about the workers. Jared finds that he loves the attention; he loves the looks of pure awe on their faces when he turns out to be right. But his good fortune doesn’t last for long and suddenly he’s being taken out for lunch once a week by a middle-aged couple. They seem nice enough, especially the woman – Grace. She seems taken with Jared straight away and Jared himself yearns for some sort of motherly contact and finds himself warming up to her slowly. Her husband Craig is another story. Jared can feel the dark aura surrounded the man and on more than one occasion finds himself biting his tongue around Grace._

_His face falls the first time since he met her when he visits their home, and he’s met with the sight of two boys. The older one looks to be around 19 or 20 years of age and the younger one looks like he’s around 14, or Jared’s age. The optimist in him is saying, “Yes! I’ll finally have brothers” but the realist in him sees the way they size him up and glare at him. Jared tries to look deep inside of the older one’s core, but the darkness and melancholy alarms him, and he stops almost immediately. Mark, the older boy, just gives Jared a strange look before he turns to Craig who looks uninterested in the whole thing. The younger boy, Chace, seems much livelier, his eyes are bright, and he seems to be carefree. So Jared decides to put the feeling he’d gotten down to his nerves and sets about trying to get his hopefully soon-to-be-brothers to like him._

_He ignores the feeling inside his gut that tells him that something is wrong._

_~*~_

_For the first year everything is fine, Grace dotes on him like he’s her own son and eventually Chace warms up to him. Craig remains indifferent to him, only pretending for appearance’s sake when Jared’s social worker pays them a visit. Mark’s mostly away at college but when he’s at home he’s usually moody and withdrawn. Jared doesn’t pay him much attention. He’s too busy lapping up Grace’s attention or goofing around with Chace  He loved his Auntie May but having two adoptive brothers and parents for the first time is truly a wonderful experience for him. He knows that he’s not entirely normal. But for once he feels like he belongs somewhere._

_He’s just never been that lucky before despite his Aunt’s best efforts._

_~*~_

“Hello?” Jared is jolted from his memories by the cab driver whose hands are resting on the steering wheel as he regards Jared with an expectant look. The gleam in his eye tells Jared that the cab driver knows exactly who he is and he pulls out a $100 bill from his wallet and hands it over. He takes a few minutes to examine the guy silently as he rummages around for some change. He’s got a million and one other things on his mind but he can’t help himself.

 

“Keep the change,” Jared says eventually. “Oh and you might want to take your wife out to dinner and try and rebuild your relationship. She’s thinking of leaving g you.”

“So Johnny was right?” the cab driver says, not even bothering to contest what Jared’s said.  “Damn”. Jared doesn’t know who Johnny is but he shrugs,

“Talk to her,” Jared says as he opens the door and stares up at the row of houses across the street. “I’m pretty sure that you’ll work things out. She still loves you”. He slams the door shut before the cabbie can respond and steps forwards, shadows of the past still lurking at the forefront of his mind.

 

_He's home early from school one day. Usually, he waits for Craig who's a gym coach but he's been off sick for a week, old knee injury flaring up. Jared's not sure if the older man is being honest about this but he's not moronic enough to say anything. So, today he skips the chess club so he can get home and make a start on his history paper. He dumps his backpack by the door and heads into the kitchen to grab some juice and sees Mark standing by the sink, his face flushed and red. There's a mark on his cheek, as though he'd been slapped and Jared knows that if he takes a closer look he'll be able to make out an imprint of a hand._

_"Hey, you okay" he says conversationally and Mark jerks up, like he didn't even know that Jared had been watching him._

_"I'm fine" he says, teeth gritted in anger as he walks across the room and leaves, barging Jared slightly as he pass by in the doorway._

_~*~_

_“Heard your old man got the sack” Jared’s friend Zach says, and Jared turns to him with a surprised look on his face. It’s been two months since Craig blew out his knee and this is the first that Jared’s heard of him possibly being fired._

_“He’s not my old man,” Jared corrects his friend before he slams his locker shut and hoists his back pack higher up on his shoulder. “Did you hear why?”_

_“Apparently he was beating on the football kids, one of them reported him,” Zach replies, and Jared’s mind is immediately taken to seeing Mark with the red mark on his face. “But that’s not all, remember how all those computers got stolen a while back? I heard that they suspended him because of that”_

_“How did you find out all of this stuff?” Jared asked choosing to deflect instead of driving himself crazy trying to figure out if Craig is capable of this. Not that he knows much about the guy._

_“I hacked the school intranet,” Zach says with a shrug. “Was looking for gossip about teachers and some of the emails are funny.” Jared just gives him a weird look._

_“Did you tell anyone?” he asks, and Zach shakes his head. He makes his excuses shortly after that, leaving Jared with a mass of thoughts and unanswered questions._

_It’s hard for him to snoop around at home now that Craig’s there all the time, but Jared watches the older man carefully. He watches as Craig stands up from his spot on the couch, trying to catch the tell-tale signs of pain. A small twitch or a wince, but there’s absolutely nothing. Not even a sign of medication in any of the bathroom cabinets. Of course that’s when Craig starts to take an interest in Jared. He calls him over to watch the game with him, asks him about school. Everything that he usually does with Chace, he does with Jared, and Jared’s faced with Chace’s permanent stink eye for the next month._

_Of course that’s when Jared turns Craig’s offer of catching a Lakers game on TV down. The truth is that he hates basketball and football but can occasionally withstand it. The honest truth is he’s not much of a sports guy. But Craig grabs his wrist tightly, until Jared swears that he can’t feel it anymore and icily demands that he stays. Jared, who’s never been one to just blindly do what someone tells him to, tells Craig to let go of him. Craig just laughs and looks at the screen. The silence is so unnerving that Jared totally misses the fact that Craig moves and is completely blindsided by the flying backhand slap that connects with his right cheek. His face flames where it’s been struck, and Jared is literally speechless. So he sits there in silence as the noise of the game filters into his ears. The second the game is over he’s up and out of the room so fast that he hits himself on the door on the way out._

_Chace is waiting for him on his bed with a small smile on his face, and Jared glares at him._

_“Get out.” he hisses, not really in the mood for any of this. He’d known that out of all the homes he could have taken in by, that this one wasn’t perfect, but right now he’s feeling let down. He wonders if Grace knows just what her husband has been doing, and he tries to clamp down the voice inside his head that says, “How can she not know?” The whole thing makes him sick to his stomach._

_“Guess Mark came through after all,” Chace says with a smirk. “He threatened to dob Dad into the cops if he laid a finger on me, so looks like the buck’s been passed to you”. Jared bites his lip hard as he tries not to respond._

_“Home, sweet home.” He’s obviously trying to get a rise out of Jared but Jared ignores him. Eventually Chace gets bored and leaves, and Jared angrily starts to pack his clothes and the rest of his stuff. Once he’s done he shoves it all under his bed and wonders if he’s being too hasty. Maybe he can work on Craig’s temper. He’s good at that; he’d stopped some kid called Patrick from bullying Zach a few weeks ago. All it took was some sort of mind stabiliser or, well, hypnosis or something. Jared wasn’t familiar with the terminology he just knew that somehow he could do things like that. Somehow he just **knew** things. _

_Just like he knew that this mess with Craig wasn’t going to end well._

_~*~_

_A breakthrough happens in the form of Craig’s sisters third wedding. Jared wasn’t invited, because she didn’t want “that little, rat faced punk” ruining her day. Despite the fact that she’d only ever met him once and literally spoken two words to him. But Grace gives him a huge hug and $30, and tells him to order pizza or go out with his friends. His heart swells as she leaves, because he knows that if it wasn’t for her he’d be long gone. Jared just can’t leave while Craig is still here and getting away with his behaviour. Chace is still roaming about without a care in the world, while Jared is forced to sit with him, whenever the older man pleases. Mark, when he’s at home, radiates such pain and misery that Jared feels like he’s drowning. But all of his attempts to level with Mark prove to be futile, and Jared comes to the realisation that he has to sort this mess out by himself. Them being out of the house means that he finally has a chance to start by looking through the house for evidence of Craig being behind the stolen computers._

_Three hours later, Jared’s sitting on his bed with a stack of papers in his hand. He’d found them underneath a loose floorboard in the master bedroom, and it’s obvious that Craig’s been pulling some dirty tricks for several years. According to Zach (who he calls), it’s a nationwide scam on such a large scale that the FBI is involved. Jared sits there for an hour wondering what to do. Craig’s taken him in and has provided for him...does that mean that he’s supposed to be loyal? Yet there’s this selfish part of him that believes that things will be better if he gives the information to the police. Maybe Mark will finally be free of his father’s torment._   
  
_Maybe he’ll finally have the perfect life that he craves._

_But Jared soon finds out that that's not how life works, and six months later they’re at trial, and Jared’s standing in the witness box while receiving death glares from Craig, Mark and Chace. Grace simply has her head in her hands. He wants to reach out to her but it’s pointless._

_He already knows that he can’t stay. So he runs._

_~*~_

Jared takes a deep breath as he walks down the path leading towards the door. It seems to be longer than he’d remembered, and he knows that he’s just projecting his own fears onto the moment. As he steels himself for the moment where he knocks on the door of a place he once used to call home the door swings open and he sees her.

 

~*~

Meanwhile, Jensen is handling the death of one Samantha Ferris along with his unit. They have an APB out on Jared but he’s not been spotted anywhere, and right now Jensen is trying to keep the focus on their latest victim. It’s the same deal as the last few bodies, her heart has been cut out and her chest expertly stitched up afterwards. The forensics team say that the death is so recent that they can still smell the methylated spirit used, and her body temperature isn’t as cold as it should be.

“Boss,” Tom comes jogging across to where Jensen is standing. “We sent out a team to her apartment and dusted for prints and looked for signs of intrusion.  We should get the results in about an hour or so.” Jensen nods and Tom gives him a strange look before he jogs off.

 

Jensen digs his black shoes into the dirt, not caring that the fronts are getting dirty. He knows what forensics is going to find at the apartment and he knows exactly where all of this is leading. He observes the situation silently as they transfer Ms Ferris into a body bag and onto a stretcher before wheeling her away. As he waits he pulls out his cell noticing a missed call and voicemail from the friend he’d forwarded the video to. Before he listens to it though, he tries calling Jared. The other man’s cell is switched off just like Jensen knew it would be, yet he can’t help feeling disappointed and _worried._  The forensic team start to pack up their items, and Jensen plays the voicemail as he walks over to his car. For now they’re heading back to the station where they’ll pinpoint Samantha Ferris’ locations and timeline over the last three days and examine her phone records to see if there’s been anything suspicious.

 

The voicemail is brief, one of those stupid inane messages that say “call me,” and Jensen huffs in annoyance as he attaches his Bluetooth headset and hits the call button before placing his cell in the holder and starting the ignition.

“Jensen?” his friend, Steve’s voice filters through the headpiece. “Is this line safe?”

“Should be.” Jensen replies and Steve carries on,

“Okay so I ran the video through some of the software but couldn’t find any data, he must have stripped it clean. But I zoomed in digitally on the glint that you mentioned, and it’s obviously a badge of some sort. I can’t tell you exactly what kind of badge it is though”

“Well thanks.” Jensen says with a sigh, ready to end the call before Steve interrupts,

“Dude, let me finish – towards the end of the video, I spotted something. It was pixelated and off from the rest of the video so I fiddled around with it a bit and ran it through some of my model building programs, you know like face construction with structure, eyes, nose—“

“Oh, like that one on _Bones_ ”? Jensen asks, and Steve scoffs,

“I’m a professional Jensen - don’t compare my work to TV.” Jensen stifles a small smile as Steve talks again. “I was able to come up with a face, now it’s not perfect or accurate, but I don’t know maybe you can recognise the guy, I’ll send it to your phone”. His phone buzzes after the attachment has been sent and he waits until he hits a red light before picking the phone up and opening the picture. His eyes widen as he looks at it, and it’s only Steve’s voice in his ear and the sound of angry car horns reverberating in the atmosphere around him that makes him snap out of it.

 

 _Holy fucking shit_ , he thinks as he puts his foot down and speeds away to the CBI headquarters. Things just got a whole lot more complicated.

 

~*~

She brings him cookies and milk. That’s the first sign that Jared gets. She tells him that chocolate chip was always his favourite but…he knows that he’s never told her that. Back when he was with her he didn’t even have a favourite. So he _knows_ that she’s somehow gotten the information first hand. But he shrugs; maybe she’d been keeping tabs on him somehow or reading the fan blogs. His fans were mostly nice people but they could be a little intrusive at times.

“How’ve you been?” he asks her as he notes the grey streaks peppered across her long, chestnut hair. The multiple frown lines on her forehead, and the dirt under her fingers. He frowns slightly before he relaxes his face into a neutral expression.

“Good,” she replies. “We missed you a lot”.  Her voice drops as she says the second part, and Jared can hear the hesitation in her voice. The slight tremble that either indicates that she’s nervous or lying about something.

“And, how are Chace and Mark?” she smiles then, and it’s eerie, and rather unsettling, and a cold shiver starts to make its way down his spine.

“They’re doing just fine” she says. “They don’t live here anymore, but they still check in with their old ma once in a while” Jared hears the implication loud and clear, and he can’t help the wave of annoyance that flares up inside him.

“I wrote letters, and when I was able to send money I did, and not once did I get a reply!” he protests.

“Maybe that wasn’t enough,” Grace says calmly. “I mean, you took my husband away from me, broke apart my family, and made me lose everything except for this house and what? A few measly letters and a wad of cash each month and I’m supposed to be _grateful_? Sorry Jared, but that’s not how it works”.

“You were like a mother to me…I’ve spent all of this time, hoping that one day we’d reconcile….patch up our differences,” Jared trails off when he sees the look of contempt that she’s throwing his way. “Guess that was stupid of me”.  They don’t say anything for a few minutes before Grace sighs and deflates visibly. It’s too forced though, and Jared can still make out a little bit of tenseness in her shoulders that tells him that she’s putting it on. Slowly he begins to unzip the side compartment of his bag that’s facing his lap.

“Maybe I’m letting the past get to me again, hmm?” she says, her voice too casual and Jared realises that coming here is probably the most foolish thing he’s ever done.

“How about Craig?” he asks, “Where’s he?”

“He busted out a couple of years ago” Grace replies shortly. Jared waits for her to offer more details, but he’s met with silence.

“Is he the one who put you up to this? The one behind the murders?” Jared says, and Grace’s eyes widen slowly, and she tilts her head to side and frowns, and Jared almost laughs at how genuine it looks. If only he didn’t know that she didn’t tilt her head when surprised, he’d be none the wiser. “I can’t believe he got to you…not you Gracie”. She just stares at him silently for a few minutes before her hand flies out and she sends the glass of milk flying out and it smashes onto the tiled floor, the pieces shattering and scattering in a pile near Jared’s feet.  Her face twists into an ugly sneer and Jared swallows nervously as he locates his phone inside his pocket. Idly, he realises that it’s a damn iPhone and he can’t just hit a button for speed dial, he all but groans in frustration and shoves the phone back down into the pocket.

“Don’t you call me that!” she screams. “You don’t get to call me that, not after what you did…everything was fine. So long as I pretended that my boys were fine – we were good”.

“You knew,” Jared replies. “About the scams…the abuse and…you didn’t even do anything?”

“No, I didn’t,” she replies with a shrug, “Craig was strict, and he was fair, he was good provider”

“He was a _thief_ ”. Jared’s eyes narrow as he glares at the woman he’s spent the last ten years missing with all of his heart, and he wonders how someone so _good_ could turn so…venomous. Sure it’s been a long time, and things change, but as he looks at her, he can see the rage and selfishness that surrounds her.

“Why did you adopt me?” he asks because he’s genuinely curious. She loved the money, overlooked the way her husband was treating her sons. Why would she want an additional task on her hands? Grace doesn’t answer him straight away and he watches as her mask slips slightly. There’s a shadow of a glimpse of how distraught she is and it scares him.

“To convince myself that I was a good person,” she says quietly. “Mark…he barely spoke to me anymore and Chace, well…you saw what he was like.  You were different somehow…you understood”

“I used to watch your show and wonder if you knew what I’d done – allowing Craig to do what he did, but then I realised that you’d left me for fame and the girls, boys…who was that young man you used to be pictured with, Jensen was it?” At the mention of Jensen’s name danger signs start to ring in Jared’s ears. But he composes himself and asks,

“Do you have any recent pictures of Chace and Mark?” She motions over the mantelpiece and Jared stands up slowly, grip tightening on his bag as he makes his way over.

“That’s Chace, me and Mark, well…we don’t get along well enough for me to have a recent picture of him”. There’s an odd note to her voice, and when Jared glances at the picture of Chace his heart sinks. He’s staring at a picture of fucking _Chad Michael Murray_.

 

He’s been played.

 

~*~

“Please tell me that you’re not pointing a gun at me, Gracie – I hate guns.” Jared says with his back still turned.

“Make your way back to the armchair slowly or I’ll pull the trigger.”

 Jared laughs, “You know, I’m surprised that Craig’s got you doing his dirty work, you don’t exactly look the part of the menacing, bad guy”. He’s smiling as he turns around and does as she says, revelling in the fact that it’s irritating her immensely.

“Why don’t you sit down and eat your damn cookies, and then I’ll tell you how this is going to work”.

“Did you know that when you pour milk it only ripples in a clockwise direction for about 6 six seconds before it settles even if you’re moving with it? It’ll swish at the sides but it won’t ripple. Yet it was rippling slowly when you gave it to me and there were bubbles.” Jared says, “Meaning that you put something inside it seconds before you brought in, so you’ll understand if I say no to your _damn_ cookies”.

“This isn’t down to Craig by the way,” she ignores his revelation with a sneer, her face convoluting once more into an ugly expression. “He’s dead. Shot three days after he escaped, but he wrote me a letter. Told me to make sure that you paid, that me and my boys sought out revenge for the damage you caused”.

“Too bad that you’re doing a sloppy job so far,” Jared snaps his mind still reeling over the picture, and the fact that she knows about Jensen. “Apart from tricking me here, I have to hand it to you all - that was clever”.

“Oh, it was too damn easy! You wanna know what the best part is? By the time you get back to your precious _Jensen_ , he’s going to be blue in the face and lying in a body bag with his heart ripped out.

“You really think _Chad_ – and I wonder which genius came up with that moniker – is capable of pulling that off?”

“No,” she admits. “But Mark is”. Before Jared can reply, there’s a loud knock on the door and Grace turns, momentarily distracted as she lowers the hand that’s brandishing the gun. Jared charges forwards swinging his bag at her outstretched hand causing the gun to tumble to the ground. She curses loudly as she fumbles around and tries to pick it up and Jared takes the opportunity to run towards the door, yanks it open and attempt to run out. He’s upended by the cab driver from earlier who’s looking at him with a startled expression.

“Oh thank god you’re here,” he says in a relieved tone. “Get in the car – quick” he grabs the driver and runs towards the car, hopping into the passenger side just as the driver gets in.

 

~*~

 

Meanwhile, Grace hits a button on her cell with a grim look plastered on her face,

“Mark, honey? He got away,” she says through gritted teeth. “He knows that Chace is Chad, but he doesn’t know that you’re Mark.  I didn’t let on either but I think he knows that Chad’s not capable of doing this, hell he screwed up the death of the young girl!”

 

“It’s time. You have to kill Ackles, and be sure to leave the letter nearby once you’re done”.  There’s silence as she listens to the other person on the line before she breaks into a smile, “Well, you’re the boss “Agent” - I trust you to make this work, _son_ ”.

 

**~*~**


	9. Part Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [based on The Mentalist]. Celebrity psychic Jared Padalecki is drawn into a cruel game with the media dubbed “Valentine Killer” when he insults him on live television. His best friend is murdered in cold blood, and that coupled with a thunderous clash with his old flame - CBI Agent Jensen Ackles - leads to him having a publicized breakdown. But soon he’s back and gunning for the murderer while trying to come to the terms with the deep running attraction between himself and Jensen. Little does he know that he’s in way over his head on both counts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the 2012 spn_j2_bigbang challenge. You don't need to have seen The Mentalist to understand this fic.

# Part Eight

 

‘ _And in the latest development of the “The Valentine Killer” case, Jared Padalecki whose best friend was killed subsequently causing him to have a breakdown has been confirmed as a suspect. This comes after months of stalling and no leads for the CBI. An informant tells us that each victim, including Samantha Ferris, is linked to Padalecki in some way, and that for some reason unknown he’s been murdering them in sheer cold blood. We’ve been unable to speak to a member of the CBI, but an APB was placed earlier on for the now absent Padalecki. You may remember that Padalecki was acting as a consultant on the case, until earlier this week when he was relieved up his duties by Director Beaver. Stand by as we find out the latest developments. This is Lisa—‘_

Jensen switches television off and tosses the remote onto his desk and runs a hand through his hair. As he sinks into his computer chair he wonders where Jared is now, and if his family are okay. He’s still in shock over what Steve sent him, and truth be told he’s been hiding out inside his office under the pretence of pouring over the case files to see if they can figure out where “Padalecki” is headed.

_He counts out 10 minutes in his head before he grabs his keys and slips out of the building unnoticed. He drives  back to his house and sneaks around the back, where he finds Jared waiting for him. Jared looks awful, his eyes are a puffy and red, his cheeks are sallow and pale, and all Jensen wants to do it just…wipe all of the pain and stress from Jared’s beautiful face. Jared rushes towards him when he sees him, huge arms circling around Jensen’s slightly smaller frame and enveloping him in a tight embrace._

_“He’s been at the office the whole day,” he whispers when Jared eventually lets him go. “You sure it’s him?” Jared looks unsure at first but then he shakes his head firmly._

_“I’m sure that he killed Rachel. But the others, no it’s not him” Jared says, “I don’t know who it is!” Jensen can tell that the younger man is about to panic again, and he reaches up and grabs Jared’s face with his hands._

_“Look, remember what we talked about? This - **stupid** – plan of yours? I’ve done my part, Jared, don’t back out on me now. Jensen had eventually gotten through to him, and Jared had spilled everything. The contents of the files, the phone call he’d received, how he’d been looking for Sam Ferris all day long only to find that she’d been killed anyway. They’d come up with the plan to have Jared be suspected once more as a way of catching the real killer. Well, Jared had come up with a plan, Jensen had been too stunned to argue, and here they were. Jared was about to catch his flight to Toledo, and Jensen had to go back and deal with another victim as well as process what Jared had told him. _

_“I don’t understand though, Jared, you were just a kid, and you did the right thing – who would hold a grudge against you like that?” he asks, but Jared doesn’t really seem to hear him. Jensen wouldn’t be surprised if Jared had an idea of who the other killer was. Hell, speaking of Chad, what the fuck is Jensen supposed to do with him?_

_“Jensen, be careful”  Jared says, his voice a lot calmer, and Jensen could literally see the mask slipping on, “I—that note wasn’t a joke, and the killer obviously wants to rip everything away from me. And he probably thinks that you know about what happened in Ohio, and he’ll be after you”._

_“I don’t understand, why go after people who know about…what happened?”_

_“My past means that there are three valid suspects in this case, Jensen….I can always say will, and this happened back in Ohio, this person has it in for me. But if everyone who knows about it is dead…then how could it ever have been the truth”_

_“The FBI are bound to have a copy of the file somewhere, I mean you were a minor, they can’t just wipe that stuff off your records”._

_“I don’t know  about that stuff, all I know is that The Killer in no certain terms told me that he’s going to frame me for this; he wants to ruin my life” Jared looks down at him, “My life is you, and…if he’s really been watching me then I suspect he knows. And what better way is there to hurt me the most - killing the love of my life when my back is turned”._

_“Wait – the love of your life?” Jensen’s heart floods in his chest, and he bites back the urge to capture Jared’s mouth. Jared seems to get the hint anyway, and he leans down and presses his lips against Jensen’s, and soon they’re caught up in a heart clenching, bruising kiss that leaves Jensen almost breathless._

_He hates the way that this feels like goodbye._

Jensen clicks his pen open and shut as he swivels in his chair, eyes rapt on his phone which is currently lying on his desk. _Call_ , he wants to scream; _why won’t you fucking call?_  But the phone doesn’t ring, and he just continues to sit there. He knows that this isn’t part of the plan, him shutting down like this. He’s supposed to be maintaining some sort of appearance by being out there taking charge of _his_ case.  Jensen wonders if Jared would think he's weak for not being able to paste on a brave face and just act like his whole world isn’t crumbling around him. He doesn’t think he can do it, even though weirdly enough he can hear a voice inside his head that sounds suspiciously like Jared telling him to believe in himself.

If Jensen makes _one_ wrong move then this will all end in tears or worse – someone else losing their life. _Stick to the plan_ , he thinks. Not that he’d revealed the most dangerous part of the plan to Jared. He knew that Jared would have stopped him but…he has to do this. The missing FBI files are essentially the final nail in Jared’s proverbial coffin, his name had been legally changed when he’d been adopted, meaning that they’d been stored under that name. This was information that Jensen hadn’t been privy to, until he’d asked Steve to get it for him. Not that hacking the FBI system was a process that was quick and something that Jensen usually condoned. But, it was Jared…and Steve owed him anyway.

Jared Padalecki is basically a guy who suddenly appeared on the system aged 18 with no known hometown, parents or family. And while Jensen _knows_ him…it just doesn’t look good. He’s been through a number of scenarios as he tries to figure out a way out of the mess, and he keeps coming back to the one that’ll piss Jared off the most. There’s a knock on his door just as his phone chimes and Jensen yells ‘Come in’ as he checks his phone. _Don’t do anything stupid._ It’s a simple text that says everything and nothing, and Jensen just frowns at it.

“Jensen, I need to talk to you” Chris says, as he tugs a hand through his hair uncomfortably.

“Let me guess, you got a message from Jared”

“Well, yeah,” Chris says with a genuine look of confusion on his face. “I mean, it’s not listed as his number but….you _know_ where he is, don’t you?” Jensen doesn’t answer, because even though Chris has been his best friend for a _long_ time, friendship sometimes comes second to the job. But as he regards his friend carefully with a shrewd expression on his face, he tries to look into the man’s eyes to see if he really can trust him.

“Are you _mentalising_ me?” Chris has a mildly annoyed look on his face and Jensen flushes.  Is he really that obvious? “Dude, leave all of that wackydoo crap to Jared, okay. You just look kind of constipated”.   

“Oh, ha-ha - bite me” Jensen retorts with a small smile gracing his face. It feels more like a grimace though as he can’t smile and joke around without feeling those pangs in his chest that remind him that Jared’s out there. That he might never see him again. That he might be letting down the one person who truly matters to him. And that his sacrifice might be misinterpreted as something entirely. _Where are you?_ He finally texts back when Chris just waves a hand and points towards his phone. _Ohio, still. It’s definitely Chad. Not sure who the other guy is but…I think he’s a cop too._ Jensen swallows as he taps out his response, guilt wrapping around his chest and tugging it down like it’s been anchored to the ground. _Still haven’t figured out who it is. Will try and let you know. Stay safe._

Jared doesn’t reply, and Jensen wonders if he knows somehow that Jensen is lying.

“So, you going to tell me what this is all about?” Chris asks and Jensen sighs.

“Sure. Guess I owe you that much…but do you mind if we do it on the way to the morgue, I guess I can’t hide out here in my office any longer.”

“Lead the way, boss.”

~*~

“Wait, Steve _Steve,_ as in the same Steve who broke up my band and moved to…well, wherever it was?” Chris says with a small growl, and Jensen rolls his eyes,

“Yes, that Steve – anyway, he’s the one who sent the picture and…here we are”.

“And, let me get this straight, you think that you’re the next target, and you’re simply just going to play dumb and walk right into his trap?”

“Yes”

“You think you can outwit a mass murderer?”

“Well, not outwit, but…use my initiative to bring him to justice”.

“You’re an idiot.”

“Hey, smartass, you got any other ideas?!”

“If Jared was here he would punch you for being so stupid.”

“Yeah well…he’s _not_ here so we just have to make do…”

“I’m sure he’s fine, Jensen and that everything will work out eventually, but…if you do this and end up injured or worse – dead – it’ll _break_ him, you gotta know that right?”

Jensen sighs.

~*~

By the time they get back, Sandy’s waiting for them by Jensen’s office door, and he ushers her inside as she bounces nervously around them. It puts Jensen on edge so he’s wary when she slaps down some papers on his desk and says,

“Top sheet is my profile of the killer, and the bottom is the fingerprint report that Tom had done, Jared’s prints show up,” as she pauses, Jensen exchanges a look with Chris without trying to betray any of the emotions currently running through him right now. “But, I’ve always had a strong amount of faith in my abilities, and I’ve never been wrong yet. My profile doesn’t match Jared. There’s a compatibility of 12% between the killer and Jared, and it needs to be around 25% for me to even consider it”.

“So what exactly are you saying?” Chris asks her with a raised eyebrow, because everyone knows that she’s been ratting on everyone to Agent Morgan, since she started here all of those weeks ago.

“I’m saying that I believe that Jared is being framed, and I’ve come to you, because you seem to be the only ones that know him well. Chad was frantic about something when I last saw him, and he brushed me off, – I don’t know where Agent Morgan is, and Tom’s too busy running around trying to find evidence that links Jared to the case”.

“Where’s Agent Morgan been all day anyway?” Jensen asks as he looks at his watch, it’s 11pm and officially two hours after his shift ended, but hey who’s counting anyway?

“He had a meeting at 6, I think but I haven’t seen him since.” Sandy replies as she watches Jensen closely, her large brown eyes tracking his face carefully.

It takes almost all the strength he has to keep him from blurting everything out.

~*~

“You’re bleeding, kid.” a voice says, snapping Jared out his daze. He blinks and finds himself staring at the old cell phone in his hand, one that the cab driver had happily produced from his glove compartment. Contacting Jensen wasn’t part of the plan, but he’d had to check on him somehow. However, he’d sensed something when he’d asked if Jensen knew who the second Agent was. Like, Jensen was just holding off telling him for some reason or other. Maybe it was a bit of a reach, but somehow Jared could feel that it wasn’t. As far as he knew, they were only looking for him in California, meaning that he could maybe still board a flight back to Sacramento. The only trouble would be getting through security. Hypnotising everyone he came across would take too long (and kind of ridiculous), and leave him with too much of a mess to fix afterwards.

“Hey, son – you’re bleeding.” the driver says again and Jared shakes his head slightly to clear the fog of his stream of thoughts. Bleeding? He looks down and sees the dark, crimson patch on his grey suit jacket that tells him that his shoulder wound has been reopened somehow.

“Saw that you went into Grace Selby’s house, got all the way home, told the wife, and she told me to get back here and get you the hell away from that old broad.” the driver says, and Jared blinks again.

“Name?” he mutters, and the driver just shoots him a concerned look as he pauses at a stop light.

“Charlie,” he replies. “And you’re little Jay Selby. I almost didn’t recognise you until Betty – my wife – said something, she’s a big fan of your show by the way”.

“Ah, an admirer amongst a sea of enemies, that’s…awesome.” Jared says with a weak smile, and Charlie’s face dims. He drives forward again once the road clears, and for a few minutes there’s silence. Jared ponders what the man had said about his wife telling him to get Jared away from Grace. Judging from her display tonight, he’s not surprised. He’s quite frankly still in shock over the whole thing. It’s like his family has been wiped off the slate in the space of an hour. Sure, he’d witnessed their vitriol towards him in court and hell, he’d _run_ from it. But it still hurt, still stung him in every way possible that they all well and truly hated him. Plus, he now doubted their reasons for taking him in the first place. Grace’s excuse didn’t wash well with him but he doubted that she’d try and sugar coat anything for him, the prodigal son that she utterly despised. No, she was probably just trying to conceal the fact that she believed that she was a bad person.

“It’s not right what they did, “Charlie continues on as if there hasn’t just been a three minute silence. “Treating you like that in public for us all to see, making you run away.”

“They didn’t make me run away” Jared protests even though he knows that it lacks any conviction. Charlie just gives him a sad look that makes him feel rather pitiful.

“I’m sorry boy,” he says as he takes an abrupt turning off the main road, along a small dirt track that leads down into some sort of small wooded area. “He made me do it”.

“Do what?” Jared asks with confusion painted all over his face.

“He made me bring you here. H-he’s threatened to kill my w-wife, I had to…” Charlie trails off, unable to complete his sentence, and Jared leans over and slams the brakes hard with the heel of his foot. Charlie blinks up at him, his wide blue eyes full of fear and trepidation.

“The second, I shut the door, I want you to reverse back and drive home, get your wife and keep on driving – I promise that you’ll be safe”.

“How can you promise that?”

“Because this time tomorrow, this will all be over.” And with that he opens the car door, swings his bag over his shoulder, wincing as it connects with the wound and slams the door shut hard. Charlie doesn’t move at first and he has to tap the window and gesticulate wildly before the cab driver snaps into action. As the tires squeal away, Jared becomes aware of someone’s presence behind him. A crunch of leaves and his suspicions are quickly confirmed.

“I _really_ hope that you’re not pointing a gun at me,” he says. “’Cause I kinda hate those things.”

“Don’t move,” a voice calls and Jared recognises Chad’s voice. Or Chace. Whatever the hell he was called. “Take ten steps forward and don’t look back”. He’s taken his third step when he feels a heavy force barrel into the back of him that sends him tumbling to the ground. Jared grunts as he feels a sharp pain in his shoulder.

“You’re bleeding?” Chad says in confusion. “Where’s it coming from?” He sounds frantic and Jared tries to push down the sympathy swirling around in his gut. Chad sounds afraid though, like he’s in way over his head, and Jared knows that this is his only chance to find out more about what the hell has been happening over the past few months. But his body language doesn’t seem to corroborate with his words, a fact that Jared’s notes to himself.

“I was shot a few days ago, you idiot. You were there. Wounds don’t just evaporate magically.” Jared snaps, shrugging Chad off from his back gently. Chad is left sprawled in the small dirt path with the gun held loosely in his right hand. Jared uses his bag to knock it out of his hand – and really, two times in one day? Jared officially hates his life – hearing a resounding thud a few yards away. Chad swears under his breath as he cradles his hand in his palm.

“So, what’s the plan?” Jared asks as he watches Chad closely, tracing the way his shoulders tremble and the small twitch of his right eye. Chad definitely _isn’t_ acting like he’sthe brains of the operation. “Who’s the other dirty cop? Who’s Mark masquerading as?” The only response Jared gets is the whistling of the wind as it whips around the trees. Chad is shaking his head gently, eyes wide with terror. It would be pretty comical if Jared wasn’t annoyed and in pain at the moment.

“I didn’t want to do this, they made me…they said I had to kill the girl in order to prove my loyalty, and today…they made me follow you here.” Chad’s tone is whiny and petulant, and Jared fights back the urge to roll his eyes.

“Why?”

“So I could escort you back to Sacramento in case you escaped – which you did, you do realise that the whole thing was a ruse to get you away from Jensen, right?” Chad’s tone has changed, and he sounds eager to give Jared information, like he’s trying to make up for something, and Jared can’t help the flash of annoyance that passes through him.

“You know, I didn’t mind taking the hits for you, because I knew that I’d be able to do something about it, but…the four of you were just twisted all along? I bet they only adopted me for the handy checks they got in the mail?” he sneers leaning forwards as he towers over Chad.

“I-I’m sorry!” Chad splutters. “For all of it, just Ma—“

“Enough, Murray,” Jared interrupts. “Now this is how we’re going to play this….”

~*~

Jensen finally gets home at around 3am, he’s pretty sure that he smells like dry sweat and has black rings around his eyes. They’ve passed on the details to the night shift unit  and because Jensen’s still in charge he’s made sure to make it clear that they were not to expand the APB to any surrounding states or worse, worldwide. That at least gives Jared time to make it back to California without being pursued by any law enforcement agencies. God knows America has a shit ton of those. He’s so deep inside his thoughts that he doesn’t notice that the lock on his door was loose. He doesn’t realise that someone is sitting on his couch waiting for him in the still of the darkness and silence. Jensen doesn’t bother with the lights at first; he just kicks his shoes off and pads over towards his liquor cabinet. He grabs a tumbler and a bottle of JD and pours himself a small amount, downing it before the liquid even hits the bottom. He’s just about to pour himself another glass when a voice sounds from across the room.

“Don’t drink yourself silly on my account Jensen.” Jensen jumps in shock, dropping both the glass and bottle in his hands. He swears under his breath slightly as the lights flick on and the person sitting on his couch is suddenly illuminated.

“You’re paying for a replacement,” Jensen replies his voice wavering on the last word. The man on his couch simply smiles as he cocks his head to the side and he lets out a chuckle. It’s a quiet, whiskey rough laugh, and Jensen kind of wants to wipe the ugly smirk from his face. “And I think that you should leave.”

“I take it that you've figured out who I _really_ am?” the man says as Jensen swallows back the rage that’s billowing out of him. _Stick to the plan, Ackles_ he scolds himself gently as he tries to relax visibly.

“Yeah, I do – looks like you’re not as clever as think you are,  man” he pauses as he reaches around slowly to grab his Beretta 92  from where it’s tucked into the back of his pants. “You should give yourself up, Chad too – we know all about him”. He doesn’t react at all, just stares at Jensen with his cold, dark eyes and it sends a chill down Jensen’s spine. There’s a long silence as they stare at each other silently. Jensen’s trying to figure out what do to next while the other man stares at him uneasily. He tries to remember what Jared said about keeping your emotions at bay, but…it’s pretty useless when Jared’s not here to take him through it. Oh, and there’s the fact that this isn’t how he envisioned taking down the killer. This is his house, his safe haven. Being caught off guard in your own home is the worst thing to happen when you’re looking to confront someone. Hell, his job and the CBI entail catching people off guard at their homes. It’s usually where they’re the weakest, because there’s nothing like feeling that you’re on top of everything in your own damn house. That you’re safe, and free and that’s always when people slip up.

“You might want to tone down the glaring and give your facial muscles a little rest for a few minutes,” the man says. “Because when I’m done with you, your face won’t be half as pretty as it is now”.

“Intend to break pattern, do you?” Jensen responds straight away, raising his voice and spitting out the words in a guttural growl. “Ruin all of that fine craftsmanship you’ve been doing so far?”

“Ouch. Why so angry, Ackles?” the man replies with a smirk, one his eyebrows raised in a perfect arch. “Your little plan not working out the way you thought it would?  Oh and don’t bother reaching for your gun, I can assure you that there’ll be a lovely little hole in your head before you can flip the safety off”. Jensen’s hand drops down limply as he takes in the man’s words. How does this guy know about his “plan”?

“I bugged your office months ago, kid,” He sighs. “Right after you and Padalecki’s lovely little display the day after I cut out that pathetic puppet’s heart – can you believe that wimp that used to follow him around?” Jensen doesn’t say a word as he tries to think of what they _hadn’t_ discussed in that office even though he knows that it’s pointless.

“That’s how you knew to come here,” he says quietly. “You knew that I’d seen your face”.

“I love my brother, but…he’s not the brightest bulb in the room – he couldn’t even kill that silly brat without making a spectacle of her and _me_ ”. The killer shakes his head sadly. “Of course I’m sure Padalecki is orchestrating his grand escape plan as we speak”.

“Where is he?” Jensen can’t help asking the question because…it’s _Jared_.

“Oh, you know on his way back here to be tried for six counts of murder.” Jensen just blinks at the man, _what the fuck is he talking about?_


	10. Part Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [based on The Mentalist]. Celebrity psychic Jared Padalecki is drawn into a cruel game with the media dubbed “Valentine Killer” when he insults him on live television. His best friend is murdered in cold blood, and that coupled with a thunderous clash with his old flame - CBI Agent Jensen Ackles - leads to him having a publicized breakdown. But soon he’s back and gunning for the murderer while trying to come to the terms with the deep running attraction between himself and Jensen. Little does he know that he’s in way over his head on both counts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the 2012 spn_j2_bigbang challenge. You don't need to have seen The Mentalist to understand this fic.

# Part Nine

** _Twelve Hours Later._ **

Jared bows his head down as he’s frogmarched through airport security towards one of the terminals at Sacramento. There’s a stunned silence as people watch them from afar, bright flashes indicating that people are snapping away with their cell phones and digital cameras. Chad’s hovering behind him as he attempts to flex his wrists which are currently bound together with a pair of police issue handcuffs. There’s a huge group of people who Jared assumes to be CBI agents waiting for the TSA guys to hand him over. He can just about make out Tom, Sandy, Jeff and Chris at the forefront of the group. _Shit_. He fingers the small penknife in his right hand gently, trying his best to make sure that the unlocked handcuffs aren’t visible to anyone. The guy behind him shoves him a little and Jared turns to glare at him,

“Touch me again and it’ll feel like spiders are crawling all over and _inside_ your jacket” he says coldly as he stares into the guy’s eyes. In response he gets another shove and a derisive snort before the guy says,

“Keep walking pal,” he says as he shakes his head. There’s a beat and then the man’s face turns pale and he stops walking and peers down at his jacket, eyes widening as he starts to bat the front of his chest wildly. Chad, who’s witnessed the whole thing, just gives Jared a blank look, and Jared sighs as he snaps into action. He lunges towards Chad and grabs him, holding the knife towards Chad’s throat as he turns around to face the group of CBI agents. He hears a number of shocked gasps but ignores them as he examines the CBI agents. Tom looks horrified; Sandy’s mouth is slightly agape, Chris looks uncomfortable. And Agent Morgan…looks _downright_ pissed. His eyes are narrowed, and Jared can feel the way Morgan is fighting back from breaking forward to come and save his little brother. Not only that, he can recognised Mark’s anger and soulless eyes.

Gotcha, Jared thinks. _Gotcha._

_~*~_

Jared backs out of the airport slowly with the knife still pressed on Chad’s jugular. People are backing out of the way quickly and Jared can all but see how awful this will look on the evening news and tomorrow morning’s newspapers. Briefly he hopes that one day the truth will come to light if somehow Morgan manages to get the better of him. He heads towards the nearest car, grimacing when the driver bolts immediately, leaving the car free for them to take.

“Get these things off me.” Jared growls as he backs away from Chad and raises his hands up in front of him as he motions to the handcuffs. Chad hurriedly pulls a key from his pocket and unlocks them, neither of them bothering to look back as the cuffs clatter to the ground with a metallic thud.

“Get in!” Jared says hurriedly. “You’re driving - take me to where Jensen is.” Chad doesn’t even argue or try to claim that he doesn’t know. Jared’s in the passenger seat with the knife hanging loosely in his hand in case Chad tries to do something that isn’t part of the plan. Not that he knows what the hell he’d _actually_ do. His mind drifts during the drive as he sifts through his memory palace, trying to piece everything together. Before he knows it the car comes is coming to a stop.

“Here?” Jared asks Chad, because they’re outside _Jensen’s_ house. Jared had been expecting something else. Like an abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of California, though that would make transporting the bodies difficult.

“Yes” Chad says as he removes the key from the ignition. “Look, my brother he’s…he’s not well, maybe you should just go, because he wants to destroy you, and all of this? It’s just fuelling the fire, man…”

“Chad?”

“Yeah?”

“Shut the fuck up.” Jared snaps in annoyance, and Chad’s mouth closes rather comically. Jared bites his lip to stop the no doubt hysterical laughter from tumbling out. _Keep it together, Padalecki. You can do this._ He takes a deep breath and opens his car door. Stretching his injured shoulder a little, he slams the door shut and marches around to the driver’s side and opens it, motioning with a jerk of his head for Chad to get out. He’s sure that they’ve been followed here, but is not taking any chances either way. The knife resumes its position pressed against Chad’s neck and Jared tells him to start walking towards the house. Chad doesn’t move at first, just sighs.

“Look, this isn’t going to work – use the gun at least” Jared blushes as he withdraws the gun from Chad’s belt and presses it against the man’s back. “You might not want to do that either, I could easily overpower you and take the gun away from you”. Jared rolls his eyes as he pulls the gun back.

“Move.” he says through gritted teeth, and Chad does as he says, walking directly to Jensen’s door. Jared’s eyes widen when Chad pulls out a key and inserts it into the lock, before pushing the door open. Before he can comment, Jared’s hit by an overwhelming sense of... _Death_. His heart stops for a moment as he wonders if it’s Jensen that they’re going to find this time. With his heart ripped out.

“Jeff doesn’t really mail the hearts out to Grace does he?” he asks almost wistfully and Chad turns to give him a _what the fuck_ look?

“She had dirt under her fingers when I got there but the garden was just a mass of ugly looking weeds. You might want to tell her that burying things in gardens is pointless, a dog will sniff them right out”.

“I knew I was right when I told Mark that we’d never outsmart you, but he wouldn’t listen!” Chad says more to himself than anything.

“Save the sob story, Chad” Jared says impatiently. “Get inside”. There’s a muffled shout and Jared frowns.

“Sounds like it’s coming from below?” he mumbles “The basement?” He follows behind Chad as the man locates a narrow set of steps leading downwards. They make their way down slowly, Jared having to duck his head to avoid the low slant of the stairway. He hadn’t even realised that Jensen’s house _had_ a basement. The door is unlocked and Jared’s heart breaks when he sees Jensen sitting in the middle of the room, tied to a chair. With a gag in his mouth. Forgetting about Chad he rushes over to Jensen and removes the gag quickly as he kneels in front of Jensen. He’s been wearing this suit for what seems like days is in dire need of a shower and he can only wonder just how disastrous his hair looks. But there seems to be a strange look in Jensen’s eyes as he shouts,

“Jared - look out!”

 _Everything goes black_.

~*~

Jensen watches anxiously as Jared begins to stir, his head lolling gently from side to side. His chestnut brown hair is limp and strewn all over her his face, his jacket is stained with dried blood and his already weathered shoes look like they’ve been through a war. There are visible worry lines on his face and Jensen desperately wants to know, just what happened. They’ve been left alone for a while, Jeff and Chad had disappeared after tying Jared to a chair with similar bonds to his own. Jensen’s pretty sure that he’s going to have scars from where the ropes have been digging into his wrists but doesn’t care much at the moment. Jared’s been unconscious for about ten minutes, since Jeff crept up behind and aimed a blow at his head.

“Jared?” he calls as he struggles against the ropes. “Hey!” Jared eyes start to blink sluggishly, fluttering softly until slowly they open, and he looks up. Jensen holds his breath as he waits for Jared to just _say_ something,

“Where are we?” Jared says groggily as he winces and tries to reach upward before he realises that his arms are useless for now. “Chad, Jeff…Jeff was here?”

“Yeah, he hit you from behind,” Jensen informs him as he gives Jared yet another onceover with his eyes. “He and Chad left after they’d tied you up, and I haven’t seen them since”. Jared just winces once again as he tries to roll his shoulders back. Jensen can see his eyes darting across the room, and he wonders what he’s thinking, or _plotting_.

 

“Just stop whatever you’re thinking about doing Jared,” he says warily. “Your last plan didn’t quite work out”. Jared doesn’t answer him at first, and Jensen sighs as he tries to push down the anger that’s slowly building up inside of him. He takes a deep breath, wondering if it would kill Jeff or Chad to bring him some fucking water.

“JARED!” he all but yells, causing Jared to look at him instantly, his eyes questioning and surprised, and Jensen bites back the stream of angry words that are threating to break free. “What happened in Ohio – how did Chad know that you’d be there? How were your family?”

“You have blood on your – your shoulder, how is it?”

“We don’t have time for any of that right now,” Jared says in this blank voice, like he hasn’t even heard a word Jensen says, and Jensen deflates. Jared’s the reason why he’s in this mess, the reason why Jeff killed again , hell the reason behind the murders. Jared’s the reason why he’s been trapped for hours in his own house, the reason why he might be about to _die_. His old fears start to rise up again, swarming around his heart and wrapping around it until it feels as though he might break under the weight of it all. He doesn’t want to feel like this, doesn’t want to end up hating the man that he loves, but, right now, it’s not looking good. Maybe Jared was right. Jensen _can’t_ be in love with him. It just makes things twice as hard.

“I know what you’re thinking, and yes – it’s entirely my fault but this is complicated, Jensen,” Jared says eventually. “But this is my mess, my…family, and I have to be the one to sort it out”.

“Your family?” Jensen repeats, frowning as he tries to understand what Jared is saying. “What are they dead, or hurt or—“

“Right here, where we’ve been all along,” Jeff’ Morgan’s voice filters through as he walks into the basement and Jensen clamps his mouth shut as Jeff heads towards him and shoves a bottle of water in Jensen’s face, tipping his head back and prying the lid off, pressing the rim against Jensen’s lips so he can drink. “I don’t want you to burn out before the main event. It’s no fun if I can’t hear you screaming or your choked gurgles”.

“Leave him alone _Mark_ ,” Jared says as Jeff steps backwards and screws the lid back on. “This is between me and you, not him…just let him go.” Jeff grins as he looks between Jared and Jensen, eyes twinkling as if he knows some huge secret that they don’t. He laughs as he drags an unused crate from somewhere and sits down on top of it, the plastic squeaking a little underneath his weight.

“Trouble in paradise, Jay?” Jeff grins directly at Jared this time. “It didn’t take him long did it? To start thinking that you were poison, to see that you ruin everything that you touch, anyone who crosses your paths. You’re just…evil”.

“Why did you kill those people, Mark?” Jared says calmly, without a single trace of fear in his voice. “Why not come straight after me?” Jensen watches as Jared’s face remains impassive and calm, and he tries to sort through his conflicted feelings. He’s not entirely sure what’s happening here, so he just watches.

“You want to know what they all had in common, kid? They loved you, despite the fact that you’re a home wrecking little jackass, they saw something in you - you messed them up. Made their hearts impure, so I did what any right thinking person would do and sorted out their problems all at once”.

“You’re sick!” Jensen spits out when it becomes clear that Jared has no response to what Jeff’s just admitted to doing. He’s not sure what’s going on between Jeff and Jared, but, fuck, he’s worked with this man for the last three years. He feels betrayed and confused and just, fuck, when did everything get so screwed up?

“Let’s not get started on you, Jensen. The illustrious Agent Ackles, so focused on his job and career status that he hasn’t even realised that it’s been common knowledge for _years_ that he fucked a witness on duty”.

“That’s enough” Jared snaps angrily, and Jeff turns back, and before Jensen can blink, blood is trickling out of Jared’s nose as he closes his eyes in agony. “Hit me all you want, but please let Jensen go…” His voice sounds so hollow and distant that Jensen can’t help the lump rising in his throat, or the way it feels as though he might shed tears

“But then again, it’s the real thing that you have, isn’t it, _love_?” Jeff carries on as if Jared hasn’t said a word, his eyes dark and full of what looks like pure anger. “That’s why this is the end of the road for you, Jensen, killing those other poor bastards was just the appetizer, killing _you,_ and watching my dear old  brother here know what it feels like to  truly lose something. Well that's the main course and dessert all in one”.

“You’re a pathetic little child,” Jared spits out. “You still cling to that naïve hope that one day you’ll wake up and that hollow feeling inside will be gone, that one day you won’t feel worthless, and that one day someone will love you”.

“You might be able to fool people with that psychic mumbo jumbo, but don’t forget that I knew you when you were doing crappy card tricks; you’re all talk.” Jensen tugs at the knot from behind his seat, feeling it give way a little as he watches Jeff stare at Jared, with a dark sinister look on his face.

“Why did you kill Sam?” Jared asks suddenly, shaking his head subtly when Jensen shoots him a look. “You brought her here didn’t you? No, you _lured_ her here, because she knew it was you. Either she figured it out, or you told her. I’m going with option B. You loved her didn’t you?” Jensen does his best not to move too much when he feels the knot loosen significantly giving him space to flex his wrist. He watches as Jeff stares at Jared with a mixture of shock, horror and genuine surprise.

“How did you—“

“There’s a pendant lying in the corner over there that’s covered in blood” Jared points out. “This is clever I suppose if you really are planning to frame me but it’s not hers, I saw it every day for two months and that’s not it.  She’s the one who spoke to you and got me that Consultant job at the CBI, said that she _knew_ you and how reasonable you were.”

“I—“

“Why did you kill her, Mark? Why? Or anyone of these people, and don’t feed me that they all loved me bullshit, that’s just not true,” Jared interrupts once more. “In fact, you didn’t plan any of this did you? You were just roped in due to your weakness and misguided sense of family loyalty. Because let’s face it, you were never the bold type back then. You could _never_ pull any of this off.”

~*~

Mark is eying Jared oddly, as if he hadn’t expected Jared to come to this realisation. Jared’s suspicion had arisen when Chad arranged for the cab driver to drop him off in the middle of nowhere claiming that the plan had been to take him bring him back to Sacramento.  Chad had played his act perfectly, pretending to be the killer’s disciple, acting as if he’d been dragged into this cruel game when really he was the perpetrator.

“Let’s talk about Richard, and the video one of you so helpfully sent” he says when it becomes apparent that Jeff is too stumped to form a coherent sentence. “What was it he said before you started to slice into him?” Out of the corner of his eye, Jared sees Jensen’s shoulders droop suddenly and he knows that the man’s managed to free himself. He tries to shoot him a look that says, ‘Don’t do anything _yet,_ ’ and Jensen nods affirmatively. Jared can still see the tension in his shoulders and confusion in his eyes, and he comes to a conclusion. If they make it out alive, he’s going to let Jensen go. He’s not going to drag Jensen down with him, not now…and not ever. Jensen’s eyes narrow as he meets Jared’s gaze, but Jared just turns away, back to Jeff, who’s been staring at the door fixatedly.

“What did he say, Mark?” Jared asks again, revelling in Jeff/Mark’s flinch at the sound of his former name. “You will _always_ be Mark Selby, following along with your mother and brother’s crazy act of revenge, even though you could have gotten out, I went to the police, so that you’d be able to get out of there, but for some reason I was the enemy!”

“You don’t know what it was like!” Jeff spits out angrily, his chest heaving as the pure rage and humiliation poured off in waves. “I was never good enough, never got the top grades, I was shit at sports - I was useless, whereas Chace, he was the golden boy, he was smart, and…he hated me too”. Jeff laughs as he starts to pace around the room, running his unoccupied hand through his hair.

“I bet the son of a bitch was going to set _me_ up somehow and not you. He made me kill the girl after she spotted him, he said that it was accident, said that I should put my own stamp on her murder to make it mine” Jeff laughs again and Jared felt a cold chill rise up his spine. He swallowed down his fear as he leaned back unconsciously, because he could tell that Jeff still blamed _him_ for everything. He would never see how his family had drained the life out him, turned him into this pathetic excuse of a human.

“All those beatings I took over the years, and for what?” Jeff says almost absently. “No one will ever know how bad it was, how my own mother smiled at me and went to fucking church every Sunday knowing full well what would be happening while she was gone.”

“It’s your fault,” Jeff turns to look at Jared straight in the eyes. “I couldn’t even get him to start on you properly, the poor little orphan – because you went to the cops, and they didn’t even look at the abuse charges—“

“Jeff, Mark - whatever your name is - this doesn’t have to be the end, we can get you help, okay? Things will get better.” Jensen speaks up from where he’s sitting, and Jared bites back a sigh as he sends Jensen a warning look. Jeff whips around angrily and jabs a finger in the general direction of his face,

“Shut up!!!” he screams. “I’m sick and tired of people treating me like a puppet.” Jensen cowers as Jeff approaches him, and Jared mumbles under his breath as he sets about distracting Jeff.

“Maybe you should stop acting like one,” he says. “Your Dad, your mom, your _little brother_ – when’s it ever going to end? When you’re in a jail cell, rotting away for a bunch of murders that you didn’t commit, I don’t think so”.

“We’re framing you, you moron – _you!_ ” Jeff is full on screaming now, red splotches covering his face. “That’s _always_ been the plan. He had me kill Sam, so that we could rig a psych evaluation without her notes ever being involved”

“We..?” Jared asks. “Who was it that killed her, Jeff? You or Chad?” Jensen shoots Jared a questioning look and Jared steadfastly ignores him, not wanting to break his and Jeff’s gaze. He can see and feel the anger literally about to erupt, and he doesn’t want Jensen to get hurt. A sense of death is looming around the three of them, and Jared doesn’t want to even consider what’s about to happen.

“Chad,” Jeff says.

“You’re pathetic” Jared says in response. “There’s not a jury on this planet that would convict me. Are you really this stupid?” But Jeff doesn’t respond, and Jared can practically see the red mist swirling around him.

The first blow sends his chair flying backwards onto the ground, pain reverberating through him as his back hits the ground.

~*~

 

Jensen’s is in the midst of screaming Jared’s name repeatedly when hears a gun shot being fired across the room. As the body falls and hit’s the ground with a sick thud he shuffles backwards and sees that he’s covered in blood. He just doesn’t know whose it is. Jeff had completely lost it and started laying into Jared until all Jensen could hear was a series of grunts and hear the actual force of the blows. He’d tried to rush forward, only to find that his legs were numb and he’d fallen onto the ground, ankle twisting and possibly breaking, rendering him virtually useless but he hadn’t given up. He’d crawled over and tried to pull Jeff off Jared only to be flung backwards as Jeff turned around to see who dared to disturb him.

“Stay back...” it’d been a muted, broken whisper but Jensen had heard it and it broke his heart, so he’d tried in vain to stop Jeff from _killing_ Jared but before he could…

“I knew he was a liability.” Chad’s voice comes from the doorway and Jensen turns to see Chad lowering his gun.

“Save the stupid speech, Chad.” he croaks as he turns back to the two bodies slumped onto the floor finally realising that Jeff’s the one who’s dead and not Jared.

“Ch-ad.” Jared’s trying to talk, and Jensen can’t stop himself from crawling over, ignoring the pain in his ankle. When he reaches him, Jensen's heart breaks a little when he sees Jared’s bloodied face. “He’s…going to grab you…let him…have a plan”. Jensen stares down at Jared as if he’s mad, Chad’s going to grab him and assumedly try to rip his damn heart out, and he’s supposed to _let him_. No way.

“No!” he hisses angrily, but Jared grabs onto his wrist gently and looks down to where he has a gun clasped in his right hand, the ropes somehow loose and bunched on his wrists.

“Trust….me” Jared practically whispers as he looks into Jensen’s eyes. His eyes are full of a mixture of fear, pain and…wariness, and Jensen finds himself agreeing. Jensen hears a door creak in the distance and frowns as he wonders if someone else is in the house. Jared makes a gurgled sound as tries to speak and Jensen looks back down at him in confusion.

“Family…reunion.” Jared says incoherently, and Jensen wonders why the hell he’s about to follow along with Jared’s so called plan when the man can barely get out a sentence. _Because you trust him_ , the voice in his head helpfully supplies and Jensen grits his teeth. He takes a bated breath as he sees Chad moving towards him in his peripheral vision.

“Nice going, Padalecki,” Chad says he approaches Jensen. “Looks like your little boyfriend’s going to die with his pretty face in one piece”

“I had you fooled for a little while didn’t I? Back in the woods? You thought poor old Mark was in charge, thought that I’d become his little _disciple”._

“No…you have awful handwriting, Chad…knew it was you. Just didn’t know… _who_ your accomplice was” Jared replies from where he’s slumped over on the floor. Chad laughs as he reaches Jensen, grabbing him by the shoulders and dragging him backwards. Jensen struggles half-heartedly but lets the man pull him away. Chad shoves at Jensen’s chest until he’s lying flat on the ground. His fingers tracing Jensen’s ribcage for a few seconds before he claps his hands together in mirth.

“I was training to be a cardiac specialist when I realised that there was no better rush than in the feel of a _live_ heart, beating steadily before slowly dying out in your hands… it’s simply magnificent”.

“This doesn’t explain why you’ve come after Jared” Jensen says, not even attempting to hide the disgust in his voice. Chad opens a bag slowly, the sound of the zipper causing Jensen to tremble slightly. He watches as Chad drags out a scalpel and some swabs.

“Son of a bitch had it coming, he ruined everything, ruined our lives,  all he had to do was keep his mouth shut like I had for _years_ ” Chad scoffs. “But nope, he had to go and blab. So the three of us planned the perfect revenge, they wanted to rob him or blackmail him but I vetoed it, it wouldn’t hurt him. But the guilt? The burden of these murders, _your_ murder…poor old Jared won’t survive this unscathed”.

“The three of you?” Jensen queries but Chad’s done with talking and Jensen can smell the strong scent of alcohol and he tries hard to keep his breathing under control. Chad’s face has taken on a steely expression, his hands steady and unwavering as he sets out his tools on the clean, white cloth that he’d spread out onto the floor next to him. Sutures, stitches and clamps follow and Jensen’s heart is beating so fast that he’s so sure that it’ll burst out of his ribcage before Chad has a chance to cut it out. After what seems like hours, Chad starts to prepare a syringe full of some colourless liquid and Jensen swallows down the urge to scream out, his chest heaving as full blown panic takes over him.

“It’s just a muscle relaxant” Chad informs him as he looks down at Jensen, with a cruel smirk on his face. “I don’t want you to thrash around and make a mess out of things” Jensen stares up at him, eyes full of venom and anger. No way is he going to show Murray that he’s as scared as hell. . He hears footsteps again but this time their louder and he starts to get a bad feeling.

“Chad…” a quiet voice at the doorway calls and Chad turns in annoyance, distracted for a few minutes and Jensen leans up and grabs the syringe but not unnoticed. Chad growls and picks up the scalpel, eyes flashing with rage as he turns. Raising his hand to strike Jensen but before he can do anything, his eyes widen and two shots ring out startling Jensen so much that he drops the syringe. 


	11. Part Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [based on The Mentalist]. Celebrity psychic Jared Padalecki is drawn into a cruel game with the media dubbed “Valentine Killer” when he insults him on live television. His best friend is murdered in cold blood, and that coupled with a thunderous clash with his old flame - CBI Agent Jensen Ackles - leads to him having a publicized breakdown. But soon he’s back and gunning for the murderer while trying to come to the terms with the deep running attraction between himself and Jensen. Little does he know that he’s in way over his head on both counts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the 2012 spn_j2_bigbang challenge. You don't need to have seen The Mentalist to understand this fic.

# Part Ten

 

Chris paces around angrily when a call comes in, shots fired at an address in downtown Sacramento. The CBI doesn’t usually deal with this type of things, but they’re on high alert for anything that could lead them to Jared Padalecki’s whereabouts. And the fact that both Jensen _and_ Jeff have gone AWOL gives him a bad feeling that something awful has happened. He hears Tom repeating an address and his blood freezes once he’s processed it.

It's Jensen’s address.

“Tom!” he calls out as he jogs over to the man’s desk, “That address – its Jensen’s!” Tom’s face goes pale as he automatically reaches for his drawer and pulls out his weapon.

“Let’s go”.

“Guys, what’s happening?” Sandy says, her voice tired and wary as she moves away from her computer. “I just got the weirdest results in my search”. She doesn’t elaborate and Chris slams his hand down on the desk so hard that she jumps.

“Spill. _Now_!” he says and she twists her monitor around so that Tom and Chris can see it as she’s talking,

“Jared asked me to do a background search on Chad that day we went to the charity party, initially it was Chad but he told me to do one for everybody. I did yours and Tom’s relatively quickly but only got the details on Chad and Jeff sent through a few minutes ago,” Sandy pauses as he clicks open a window, and then another one, rescaling them so that they’re side to side. “Meet Jeffrey Morgan and Chad Michael Murray”.

The two faces on the screen are people that Chris has never seen before and he swears under his breath.  He grabs his jacket and shrugs it on,

“We need to get over there _now_!” he barks turning away on his heel and practically sprinting out of the office with Sandy and Tom close on his heels. “I’ll request back up on the way”.

    ~*~

“Who are you?” Jensen asks as he cradles Jared’s head in his lap, hands shaking as he strokes Jared’s wavy, brown hair. “In fact, I don’t care – call 911! NOW!” but the lady he’s talking to doesn’t move, she just stares at the shotgun in her hand like she’s only seeing for the first time and Jensen realises that she’s pointing it in Jared’s direction. He looks down slowly and only then sees blood seeping out of Jared’s midriff area and it dawns on him that he’d heard two gunshots. One had killed Chad, because Jensen can see the man clearly lying in a pool of rapidly expanding blood. And the other had…it’d gotten Jared. This woman _shot_ Jared! Jensen stares at the scene before him for a moment, Jeff’s dead body; lips blue and face a pale white colour. Chad’s slumped over his brother’s body, eyes wide open and mouth slack and Jared…he’s lying in Jensen’s arms, his body still and warm.

 _He’s alive_  Jensen tells himself, _he’s alive._ But even he knows that if Jared bleeds out he won’t be alive for much longer. He pulls back and takes off his over shirt, grimacing slightly because it’s practically drenched in sweat but he needs to apply pressure onto the wound.

“My boys…” the woman finally speaks and Jensen flinches, not wanting to deal with her right now. He feels his pockets but doesn’t find his phone. Sighing in frustration, he leans down and checks Jared’s pockets. He’s shocked to find Jared’s phone shoved into one of his shoes, numbers blinking at him on the screen. He stares at it dumbly for a few seconds before he realises that Jared _recorded the entire exchange_. He snorts to himself slightly as he replays the events in his head. Jared taking the beating Jeff had been about to inflict on him. Jared somehow getting Jeff’s gun and shooting Chad before he could cut into Jensen.

He’d saved Jensen’s life.

“You stupid idiot,” he murmurs. “Don’t even thinking about dying on me!” he saves the recording quickly and dials 911 as quickly as possible. After that everything’s a distant blur until three familiar faces comes storming in brandishing their weapons.

    ~*~

“Jensen,” Jensen looks up from where he’s been sitting by Jared’s bedside for the past hour as they prep him for surgery. Apparently they haven’t been able to stop the bleeding so he’ll need to go into an operating room. Jensen shouldn’t even be in the room but he was the law. They’d come up short in every argument they’d thrown at him. “They’re ready”. Chris looks kind of beat down and Jensen wonders how awful he looks at the moment. He keeps on wishing that he could go home and have a shower but then he remembers what’s happened and then feels guilty for wanting to leave Jared.

“The woman,” he says as he slowly lets go of Jared’s hand, standing up so he can vacate the room. “Did you find out who she is?”

“Name’s Grace Selby, she’s not said much but…hopefully we’ll get the story out of her eventually” Jensen frowns. _Grace?_ He shakes his head sadly, leaving the room and closing the door behind him before he starts crying. Jared might not be awake but, Jensen wants to be strong from him in every way he can be

“He doesn’t have anyone, he used to cling onto these people, and thought that he had a family somewhere but now, he has _nothing_!” he’s angry, angry for Jared. Angry with Jeff and Chad or whatever the fuck their real names are.

“He has _you._ ” is all Chris says as he takes hold of Jensen’s arm gently and leads him down the hallway.

    ~*~                                                                                                                                                                                   
Jensen spends the majority of the following day answering questions and giving his account of what happened. He maintains that Jared was innocent in all of this, and that he doesn’t know the reason behind the murders. He spends copious amounts of time dodging press and fighting off a strong headache as he desperately calls the hospital for information on Jared. He has to bite back the urge to scream at all of his colleagues as they give him sympathetic looks as he walks down the hallways

He knows that he technically shouldn’t be here, they have given him two months leave but this is _his_ case. And he's going to be the one to close it.

But as he stares at the board that has a picture of each victim pinned up he feels a twinge of sadness at the fact that Jared’s not here with him. He’s downcast over the fact that Jared will never get a real chance to confront the two bastards that have spent months tormenting him. Without thinking he rips everything off the board, not caring that people are staring at him. He tears it all down and throws it onto the ground, and for a split second he feels some sort of satisfaction.

It doesn’t last long.  
  


He spots Chris heading into an interview room, and his mind immediately connects the dots, after all who else is there left to interview, but that fucking bitch who Jared’s spent the last ten years doting on. He storms forward and bursts into the interview room, ignoring the strained look on Chris face. He takes a seat next to Chris and folds his arms, hoping that Chris gets the message. He’s not going anywhere.

Grace fidgets uncomfortably, her eyes wide and confused as if she doesn’t know what she’s doing here. Jensen wishes that Jared was here so they could cut through the bullshit; and get to know exactly what this woman was made of. Chris starts to question her but she just sits there, not saying a word. The longer she remains silent the more agitated Jensen gets until his anger gets the better of him, and he almost throttles her. As Chris is shoving him out of the room, he sees her winking at him. She fucking _winks._ Chris has to hold him back again when he goes flying forwards once more intent on wiping that stupid look off her face.

“Go to the hospital,” Chris says, once Jensen calms down a little. “He’s probably out of surgery by now and about to wake up and you know what that means? It means that he can help us put her where she belongs”

“She belongs in a grave!” Jensen argues

“And she’ll get there, after she’s spent years in prison, not at the hands of one hysterical CBI Agent” Chris says quietly. “Go be with your boy”.

~*~

Everything’s black when Jared wakes up, and then slowly it fades to grey but still everything is out of focus. Something’s constricting his throat and he tries to pull it out but his hands are batted away. There are voices in the distance but he can’t make them out. He blinks rapidly, trying to clear the mist but it swirls around him until it chokes him. Fills up his lungs and blinds him from the inside, and he falls. Falls back into the smoky, black abyss, and soon he’s trapped inside his memories.

~*~

Jared’s slowly getting over his injuries, he’d sustained a broken nose, broken ribs, a nicked artery (hence the internal bleed) and an infection due to his shoulder wound getting contaminated. The doctors aren’t sure how hard his head had been hit, so they couldn’t say for sure if he had any brain damage; all of the tests had proved to be inconclusive. Jensen has tried everything, he’s talked about them, work, and how he’s secretly jealous of Jared’s classic car collection. How he never missed an episode of Jared’s show even though he hated the format. He tells Jared about how he never gets to see his family back in Texas because he can never get off work. Jensen talks and talks, but Jared just sits there in his catatonic state, never uttering a word or even acknowledging that Jensen’s there. And each day as Jensen leaves to go home, back to Chris’s apartment, he lets himself shed a tear and prays for Jared to come back to him.

But now it’s been a few weeks since that day in Jensen’s basement, and Jared still hasn’t uttered a word. Physically, he’s healing well. The bruises on his face have all but faded, and his shoulder’s a lot better. The doctors have told Jensen that it’s just external wounds on his stomach that they have to watch out for, and that it’s unlikely that he’ll be affected long term. As for Jared’s mental state the doctors haven’t been as forthcoming. For the moment, he’s still on a surgical ward, but there’s been talk about transferring him down to a mental facility, and it breaks Jensen’s heart a little. Jared can still do menial tasks such as relieving himself without assistance and eating a little but for the most part he doesn't respond to anything. It's like he’s trapped inside his own head and no one else can get to him. They’ve said that it’s Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and that Jared’s mind is failing to deal with what happened properly.

But Jensen’s tired of listening of them feed him rehearsed speeches and terminology that he doesn’t even want to understand,

All he wants to hear is Jared’s voice.

~*~

Jensen’s watching _General Hospital_ on mute as he narrates his own (and most likely better) storyline to Jared, who’s just doing what he’s been doing for the past two weeks. Sitting there with fading bruises on his face, staring into the distance with glassy eyes as if he’s trapped somewhere, and he can’t come back.  He wonders what Jared thinking as he ends up back in memory lane himself, time and time again,

_Jensen groans to himself as the doorbell sounds. He's just finished a 14 hour shift, and he's looking forward to sleeping for the next 48 hours. Or well he was, before someone turned up unannounced. The door rattles a few seconds later and he sighs in relief. It's just Jared. Even though he's the one who gave Jared a key he can't help feeling uncomfortable._ _Jared had given him one, so he'd simply returned the favour but he was starting to realise that this – them - obviously meant something to Jared. But they could never be anything, not with Jensen's job. Not with the fact that Jared had been a former witness._

_Even so t_ _hey kind of fall into their usual routine.  Hanging out on the couch, drinking beer and eating chips, but Jensen can't help the sinking feeling in his stomach. He knows that he should tell Jared that they can't do this anymore and that it's over. But...he doesn't want to be the one to send Jared away. He doesn't want to let him go just like that. It's cowardly of him, but he wants to just have this for one more time. Just once more, and then he'll let Jared go. Let him down gently; tell him that this won't work. He catches Jared looking at him and he remembers. Psychic._

_“So, how’s everything going, work-wise?” he asks nonchalantly, trying to make it seem as though he’s making casual conversation._

_“Uh, fine,” Jared says with a shrug. “Telling old ladies about their futures is always fun, right?”_

_“You can see their futures?”_

_“What?” Jared shifts uncomfortably, and Jensen waits with bated breath for him to continue. He’s not sure why it feels like he’s just dug up some deep shit that should stay buried. “No one can see the future”. Jensen can see how tense Jared is, and he frowns slightly. He’s not really into all of this psychic stuff but the one thing he does_ _know is that they’re supposed to be able to read minds. Or not, if Jared is saying what he thinks he is._

_“But psychics like you can, right?” he says and Jared turns to look at him, his hazel eyes open and clear. Jensen can’t help regretting that he ever brought this up, because the way Jared’s looking at him is far too intimate. He’s torn between welcoming it and tearing his gaze away._

_“I’m not a psychic, I’m just using my exceptional observational skills in_ _the same ways the rest of the so-called psychics are,” Jared says before he clears his throat and continues in a firmer tone. “There’s no such thing as psychics.” It’s so silent after he says it that Jensen can hear the faint sounds of traffic outside. An angry car horn, brakes being slammed and loud music being blasted out through a car stereo. Jared clears his throat again and Jensen’s brought back into the moment. He realises that Jared’s waiting for him to say something, there’s some sort of naïve hopefulness in his eyes, and Jensen’s not really sure what he’s supposed to do here._

_“So…you’re just pretending to be a psychic?”_

_“’We’re all pretending. The important thing is to maintain a straight face’” the smile falls of Jared’s face as Jensen starts to glare at him, and he swallows audibly. “I’m not hurting anyone”_

_“Oh, well that’s great. In that case, carry on lying_ _to them and taking their money”._

_“I have no choice!” Jared starts to defend himself, hurt and anger visible in his eyes but Jensen’s angry too. Angry that Jared’s been lying to him all long as well. That he’s never trusted Jensen enough to confide in him before. And he really shouldn’t even be entertaining thoughts and feelings like that, so he does his best to push them aside._

_“You always have a choice, Jared.”_

_“That’s bullshit, Jensen” Jared says angrily. “You know, you don’t know a damn thing about me so forgive me for not wanting to be lectured by you of all people”._

_“What about your parents? You think that they want this kind of life for you?” Jensen can’t help himself from carrying on despite Jared’s blatant anger. “You could go to school, make something of yourself. Surely that would beat having dollars thrown at you while your perform party tricks!”_

_“Fuck you,” Jared says snidely. “Stop being so fucking judgemental. Why does it even matter to you so much?”_

_“It doesn’t.” Jared doesn’t seem convinced by Jensen’s nonchalant shrug. His eyes soften, and Jensen wonders if he’s given himself away._

_“Is something wrong?” Jared asks after a short while, and Jensen shakes his head. Jared still looks concerned, and Jensen resists the urge to bang his head against the wall. Sometimes he wishes that he could hide from Jared and his all-knowing eyes._

_~*~_

_He apologises later on when they’re watching Die Hard on the couch. Jared’s been quiet, **too** quiet, and Jensen can’t quite quench the guilt. _

_“Can I ask you a question?” Jared seems to shake himself out of some sort of daze before he turns to look at Jensen, his eyes confused and questioning. Jensen takes it to mean that yes, he can ask his question._

_“You never talk about your past or your family. Not even a random mention, just…nothing. Why not?”_

_“There are lots of things that I don’t talk about,” Jared says with a shrug. “If I was to give you a list, we’d be here all day”. It’s not an answer, and Jensen slowly realises that there’s never an answer with Jared._

_“I’m sorry,” he says. “Didn’t mean to pry”. Jared simply snorts and goes back to watching the screen._

_~*~_

_That should be the day that Jensen call this quits, but he can’t. He can’t quit Jared just yet. It’s Sunday and Jared hasn’t left his apartment since he got here. Sure they’d spent most of the weekend at odds with each other, but in the end Jensen could understand things a little clearer. He wasn’t sure if he really bought Jared’s insistence that “psychics didn’t exist,” but…at least he’d been honest. It’s not like he’d tricked Jensen in anyway, even though his cop instincts screamed out that what Jared was doing was wrong. But…Jared was right. He needed clothes, food and shelter like everyone else, and for that he needed money. A job was a job right?_

_“Time for my special blueberry pancakes!” Jared’s loud booming voice cuts into Jensen’s thoughts and he tries not to wince at the fake cheeriness in Jared’s voice. He’s been like that all weekend and it breaks Jensen’s heart a little. He doesn’t want Jared to have to pretend with him, but at the same time he’s not ready to put down the wall that he knows he put up. He wonders if Jared can see how it’s all crumbling around them, if Jared knows that they’re done. When Jared finally catches his eye he thinks that maybe Jared does. There’s a hint of desperation there that tells Jensen that he might need to stop himself from giving in and accepting whatever Jared throws at him. Whatever he says, the way he looks at him. He needs to tell Jared that it’s over._

_Of course, it doesn’t happen like that._

_He’s not sure who initiates it, but one minute Jared’s standing there in nothing but his boxer shorts and some novelty apron Jensen got once and the next he’s lost the apron and has his tongue shoved down Jensen’s throat. They haven’t actually had sex since Jared got here, which is weird for them._

_Soon Jensen's lost his shirt and Jared's running his hands all over his bare chest, fingers brushing against his nipples as they deepen their kiss. It's oddly quiet when they break apart, Jared's not talking like he usually does. Before he can even blink, Jared's naked next to him, miles of golden, tan skin on display. He's already got the lube and condoms out, and Jensen quickly gets with the program, ridding himself of his own underwear swiftly. He almost wants to beg Jared to say something but instead he's mesmerised by the sight of Jared prepping himself, long fingers dipping in and out of his hole as they glisten with lube._ _  
"Let me." he can't stop himself from voicing his desire, as Jared throws his head back and bares the long column of his throat. Jensen wants to lick it and suck a bruise on it, mark Jared up but he doesn't._

_“No”. He can barely hear Jared’s strained voice, and before he knows it he’s got a condom on, and he’s sliding into Jared slowly, inch by inch until he’s all the way in. Jared grabs his arm for a second before nodding and Jensen slides out slowly before he pushes back in, grunting as the sensations hit him. Jared’s looking at him as he meets his thrusts, his lips red and wet from where he’s been biting them. All Jensen wants to do is to kiss them, but he doesn’t. Together they build up a quick paced rhythm and Jensen comes first, with Jared close by behind him. The room is oddly silent as the smell of sex permeates, and they’re come down from their high._

_“Are we good?” Jared says eventually, and Jensen feels like his heart’s trapped in his chest. No, they’re not good. They’re anything but_ _good. But he can’t bring himself to dent the hopefulness in Jared’s voice.  He can’t bring himself to tell Jared that they can’t do this anymore._

_In the end Jared makes it easy for him._

_~*~_

_“Have you ever wondered what this would be like if we got rid of the secrecy and just, I don’t know, did normal things?” Jared says as they’re getting dressed. He’s been at Jensen’s apartment all weekend despite the fact that Jensen knew letting him stay was a terrible mistake. It’s 5 in the morning, Jensen has to get to work and presumably Jared has something going on as well. Or, maybe this conversation is the kind that you have with your clothes firmly on. Jared sounds kind of wistful, and Jensen realises that this is his chance._

_“Yeah,” he says as he shoves a foot into his shoe, “Non-existent.” Jared is quiet for a few moments, and Jensen looks up fast enough to catch the younger man trying to mask the hurt expression on his face. Silently, he wishes that this is the end of the conversation. But he knows Jared too well for him to expect that._

_“What if I was to say that I l—“_

_“Just don’t say it,” Jensen interrupts. “Because you’ll only wind up getting yourself hurt”._

_“What if I meant it?” Jared responds without skipping a beat. Jensen looks up at him, and tries to convey his seriousness through his facial expression. Inside his heart is pounding, and the words feel wrong in his mouth, but somehow he still manages to forces them out._

_“Then this ends now,” he replies. “Sorry”._

_The only response he gets is the sound of the door slamming, and the key that he gave Jared staring up at him from his dresser._

_~*~_

\---

_He’s not sure when it is exactly that he fell in love with Jensen; he’s not even sure why he loves him. But he’s sure that he does. They’re lying side by side watching some crap on the tiny TV in Jensen’s bedroom, a comfortable silence settling around them. He can feel the warmth of Jensen’s skin bleeding through him and it just feels like home._

_A stab of fear rushes through him as he realises that he never wants to leave. It’ll hurt too much._

\---

“It’s me – again, it’s been a month now. Since I saw your perfect smile and heard the sound of your voice, and since you were _you,_ and…just…I miss you. I’m not sure how much longer I can see you like this, Jare…it’s breaking my heart…”

\---

_“Have you ever wondered what this would be like if we got rid of the secrecy and just, I don’t know did normal things?” Jared says as they’re getting dressed. It’s 5 in the morning, Jensen has to get to work, and Jared’s meeting up with Richard before he carries on to his appointments with the wives of Marin County…_

_“Yeah,” Jensen says as he shoves a foot into his shoe, “Non-existent”. Jared is quiet for a few moments as he processes what Jensen said, and as Jensen looks up he tries to cover up the fact that he’s hurt. He sees the way Jensen’s shoulders bunch up; he’s ready for this conversation to be over that’s for sure. But Jared prides himself on his persistency and he decides to come clean._

_“What if I was to say that I l—“_

_“Just don’t say it,” Jensen interrupts. “Because you’ll only wind up getting yourself hurt”._

_“What if I meant it?” Jared responds without skipping a beat. Jensen looks up at him, with a serious expression on his face, and Jared holds his breath_

_“Then this ends now,” he replies. “Sorry”._

_Jared feels the air gush out of his chest in one painful blow and gets out of there as soon as possible. He thinks about going back and begging, pleading his case but…he has his pride. He’ll get over Jensen in time. But he spends the following weeks in a daze, and eventually Richard gives up on him. Gets fed up of Jared drinking himself into a broken stupor each night, whereas Jared’s just grateful that he hypnotised Richard when they met what with him being an ex-alcoholic and all. He’s at a club when he’s approached by a woman in a trouser suit. She gives him her card and tells him to call her when he’s sober._

_Three weeks later, he’s signing a contract that propels him into stardom. Deep down inside his gut, he knows that this isn’t him, he doesn’t want to parade around on national television. But the broken part of him knows                                                       Jensen can’t run from him if his face is suddenly everywhere._

\---

Even with Jared’s recording as evidence of Chad and Jeff guilt, the Director urges them to look for more information and more evidence. Jensen – who’s not allowed back on the case – pulls a sympathetic face when Chris tells him in the hospital coffee shop.

“We have Ohio State officers checking out the house there, but we haven’t heard back from them yet, I don’t know what else we could get that will incriminate Chad and Jeff even more than they are already” Chris growls in frustration. “Man, Beaver’s riding our asses hard on this”.

“Well he has to,” Jensen says with a shrug, like the reason is obvious. “We screwed up as an organisation, meaning we have to go that extra mile, prove that we won’t let it happen again”. Chris doesn’t reply, he just pulls a face as he crumples up his empty coffee cup. He looks like he’s about to say something but he turns away, head down as he starts to shred his napkin.

“What is it?” Jensen asks eventually, as the silence starts to unnerve him a little. It reminds him of when he was tied up in his basement all alone, and, just, he needs the calm, steady rush of noise around him. Just until he gets over the whole ordeal.

“I’m trying to think about what Jared would say if he was here” Chris replies. “He’d probably walk in and see or know things that we wouldn’t even consider...” Jensen nods as he pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to stave off the headache that’s been threatening him all afternoon.

“Maybe I can help”

“You?”

“He used to help me out on some of my cases back when we were, you know. So I’m kind of fluent in….well, Jared I suppose”.

“Huh”.

~*~

“A trophy,” Jensen says suddenly as he paces around Chris’ desk. He feels out of place showing up here in a nondescript, black, hooded sweatshirt, jeans and beat up Chucks, so he avoids his office the entire time. Much to Chris’s annoyance. Jensen’s been relatively quiet since they arrived back twenty minutes ago. There’d been no change with Jared and Jensen hadn’t felt up to going back to an empty apartment to, so he’d followed Chris back to work. “Jared says that there are three kinds of killers, accidental, desperate, and those that enjoy it, and Chad definitely falls into the last category.” Chris beckons for him to go on as Sandy and Tom approach them, clearly interested in what Jensen’s saying.

“Well, he always said that they’d keep some sort of item or picture, kind of like a picture of your wedding day, something to remind them of what they’d done” he explains as he looks around. “We just need to figure out where Chad would put them”

“That sounds easy,” Tom remarks dryly. “Seeing as how we all knew him so well”

“He’d probably put it somewhere in plain sight,” Jensen says as he ignores Tom. He looks around the room slowly, trying to figure out why he was focusing on this place in particular. “Some place so obvious that we wouldn’t think to look”. _Somewhere like his desk_ , a voice that sounds suspiciously like Jared echoes in Jensen’s head, and he strides over to the back of the office where Chad’s desk is located. The computer is long gone, with forensics checking the hard drive extensively, but as he pulls open the drawer he sees that the contents have not been touched. _Fucking useless forensics team._  Spying a thick manila envelope, he pulls it out and walks back over to where Chris, Sandy and Tom are waiting. He throws it down on the desk,

“Could be something in here if he’s gone for pictures” he says, voice breaking a little. Tom and Sandy eye the envelope cautiously while Chris pulls on his rubber gloves, shrugs and reaches for it, tearing the seal open and pull out a stack of photos.

“Damn…” he murmurs after a few minutes of flipping through them in silence. “This should be enough for Beaver”.

“What about Jeff,” Sandy asks. “You think that he maybe stashed the hearts somewhere?” Jensen’s shaking his head before she’s even gotten all of her question out.

“I doubt it” he says.

“Makes you wonder doesn’t it,” Tom says in a thoughtful voice. “You think you know someone, but you don’t, how screwed up do you have to be to do what Jeff did, befriending us and working with us…how didn’t we see that there was something off with him?”

“He was a good actor?” Chris suggests, while Sandy shrugs, because she hasn’t been here that long. Jensen sighs,

“He wasn’t really here that much,” he admits. “I just put it down to him being in meetings and what not, but I only ever saw him when a direct order had come from the director, and Beaver told me that the real Morgan was stashed in a cabin somewhere for the entire three years, maybe Jeff fed him for information or something”.

“That’s just fucked up.” Sandy remarks, and Jensen snorts,

“You’re tellin’ me”.

~*~

“…they found the hearts buried in your M—Grace’s backyard, couple of sniffer dogs cased the joint and found them. And Chad? He kept a picture of all the dead victims in his desk at CBI. You know what I realised yesterday during the debriefing? It’s all you. _You_ recorded that whole mess in my basement, _you_ led me to the pictures in Chad's desk …well, sort of. And I wish you’d come back, Jared. It’s over now, and you’re not alone, I know that you’re probably thinking that you are and I can’t blame you. But you’ve got _me_ …”

~*~

“Your house is no longer a crime scene,” Chris declares as he joins Jensen on his couch, with an open bottle of beer in his hand. Jensen tenses up as he wonders if Chris is tired of him invading his space and wants him to leave. Chris is mid swig when he looks over and catches Jensen’s expression, and he swallows quickly and raises a hand.

“You can stay here as long as you want, man,” he says. “I just wanted to let you know.” Jensen nods slowly as he tries to think about what he’s going to do with the place. He can’t go back there now, hell he’s not sure if he can _ever_ go back but he thinks he might have to. He can’t get the pitying look the CBI psychiatrist gave him (after he’d admitted that he was having a hard time believing that it wasn’t all one horrible dream,) out of his mind. Blocking it out isn’t going to help; he only needs to look at Jared to know that.

“Do you think he’ll ever snap out of it?” He asks wistfully and Chris shrugs easily,

“Yeah,” he replies eventually. “I think he will, the way I see it, he’s recharging his batteries. I mean he’s so full of life you know; he’s working up to being who he’s supposed to be or something”

“You went to see him,” Jensen says not bothering to respond to Chris’s observation. “Thanks for that, I can’t believe that no one else has showed up, that he doesn’t have anyone else…”

“Don’t thank me; I did it because I’m tired of seeing my best friend moping around” Chris jokes. “My motives were kind of selfish. And, hey, it’s not like his condition is in the media. Maybe his friends are waiting to hear from him?”

“Maybe,” Jensen muses. “Guess I’ll have to find out…”

~*~

_He’s sitting in his Aunt’s lap, by the fireside in the armchair. He’s curled up in her arms as she strokes his hair softly and hums a happy melody. He feels calm, at peace and at home._

_“Tell me about Mom and Dad again,” he says quietly. “The story about how they fell in love”. She’s told him this story countless times, but each time there’s some small detail that’s different. He doesn’t mention this to her, because there’s something about it that he revels in. Something about it that makes her even more endearing to him. Sometimes it’s a completely new detail and sometimes, like when she’s tired, it’s something that doesn’t even make sense. But he loves to hear the story, and he knows that she loves to tell it._

_“How do you know when you’re in love?” he asks when she’s finished recounting the story. He feels her hesitate beneath him, and he can tell that she doesn’t know the definite answer, yet he holds his breath as he waits for her to say something._

_“You’ve always got the other person on your mind,” she starts off, pausing as she tries to choose her words carefully. “They consume you, please you, infuriate you and make you second guess yourself, but there’s something about them. Something that means you can’t live without them, you can’t breathe without them being by your side. They just…complete you”. He’s only seven years old, but he can tell there’s a story there. There’s something hidden beneath her words. The childish part of him wants to ask but he just knows that it’d only upset her._

_“That’s how I feel about Jensen,” he says as his aunt looks down at him and frowns. Jared blinks as he realises that everything is distorting around him. They’re no longer by the fireside, it’s just a dark, blank room, and he looks around. “I’m scared…” He can still smell his aunt’s scent, still feel her strong arms wrapped around him._

_“Open your eyes, Jared” she whispers, and he looks around, with a puzzled look on his face._

_“They’re open” he says, but it comes out as a question as he wonders what she means._

_“No,” she says. “ **Open your eyes, Jared** ” and as if some magical switch has been turned, Jared blinks and sees the ray of light spiralling towards him. His heart is beating rapidly as he holds his breath and just stares at the light. He can feel its pull, feel the way his entire body turns towards it, and he looks back to see his aunt one more time, but she’s gone. Jared has a moment of clarity where he realises that this is it. If he doesn’t get out of here now, he’ll be trapped for good. _

_So he steps forward and allows himself to bask in the light. **Open your eyes, Jared. Open your eyes.** _

_He opens his eyes and finds himself staring into two familiar green orbs._

_He opens his eyes and Jensen’s there, waiting. **They just…complete you** , he hears his aunt’s words echo in his mind, and he can’t help feeling as though he’s whole again. _

_“Jensen…”_

~*~

 


	12. Part Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [based on The Mentalist]. Celebrity psychic Jared Padalecki is drawn into a cruel game with the media dubbed “Valentine Killer” when he insults him on live television. His best friend is murdered in cold blood, and that coupled with a thunderous clash with his old flame - CBI Agent Jensen Ackles - leads to him having a publicized breakdown. But soon he’s back and gunning for the murderer while trying to come to the terms with the deep running attraction between himself and Jensen. Little does he know that he’s in way over his head on both counts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the 2012 spn_j2_bigbang challenge. You don't need to have seen The Mentalist to understand this fic.

# Part Eleven

 

Jensen’s midway through telling Jared about how his Mom keeps on sending him care packages in the mail, with cookies that he’s certain that Jared would _love,_ when Jared turns and looks at him. Like, _really_ looks at him dead on and straight into his eyes. Jared’s eyes seem a little cloudy and hazy, and Jensen’s about to go and get help when Jared whispers his name. It’s raspy and practically inaudible, but Jensen hears it. He fucking hears it, and he wipes the corner of his eyes softly as tears spring free.     

“Jensen…” at first, he’s too stumped to respond, but as he tries to catch his breath he sees Jared frown and start to turn away when he reaches out and grabs Jared’s hand. Jared looks at him again, and he clears his throat. The noise breaks the trance that Jensen seems to have fallen into, and he snaps into action and quickly pours a glass of water from the jug on the cabinet by the bed, handing it to him. Jared looks unsure at first, but he takes the glass and after inspecting it for a few seconds he chugs it down in short swigs, wiping his mouth when he’s done. Jensen leans forward subconsciously as he watches Jared place the glass down and regard the room silently. Eventually, he turns to Jensen once more,

“Well, ain’t you a sight for sore eyes?”

It’s not what Jensen’s expecting. He’s not sure what he was expecting, a “hi” or a “hello” or a maybe a fucking apology for putting Jensen through two months of hell, but not some stupid wisecrack. He feels anger thrumming under his veins, and he struggles not to just scream at Jared. Jared’s staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face, and Jensen just takes a deep breath as he stands up, stumbling as he catches his leg on the chair stand.

“Just…I’ll be right back,” he says as he backs away slowly. “Promise” And he high tails it to the ward door, rushing out of the doors quickly. His heart is beating so loudly that it’s drowning out everything in the background. He leans against a wall as he breathes heavily, his lungs working overtime to get him some air. But he still feels as though he can’t breathe.

“Jensen?” a familiar voice filters into the mist surrounding him and he looks up. After his conversation with Chris he’d gone through Jared’s emails and phone to see if there was just one person who actually cared about Jared.  After scrolling through a ton of emails from Jared’s _agent_ and _publicist_ (who had been hassling him to come back on television) he’d found something. A few worried emails from an Adrianne. The last message she’d sent had been around the time Jared had his first breakdown, after Milo’s death. Jared’s condition hadn’t been disclosed to media yet, which was a miracle in itself, but he supposed that Beaver had to be working double time to make sure the CBI didn’t end up with anymore bad press than it had already. She’d been shocked, but not surprised to hear that Jared had shut himself off from the world.

 _“He does that sometimes,”_ she’d said. _“Stupid son of a bitch.”_ And while her words had been light –hearted, Jensen could see the concern in her eyes. She’d come with him to the hospital the next day and she’d been here almost every day since.  It was still a little awkward because they were still strangers, but Jensen took some solace in knowing that Jared at least had someone else to rely on. Especially as…he wasn’t sure that Jared would want to be with him after everything. Jensen loved Jared, he knew that he did, he had done for years. But he’d been playing that moment after Jared had been shot in his head. It’d been a stupid move on his part, hadn’t it? Confessing his love only after Jared had been put through a life threatening situation.

“Stupid idiot” Jensen mutters to himself as he straightens up and turns to look at Adrianne who was holding two cups of the crappy coffee the vending machines served.

“What?” she asks as she hands Jensen a cup. “What’s wrong?”

“Jared’s awake”

“Oh my god. God that’s…that’s great news!” she exclaims, as she shoots Jensen a happy expression. Jensen smiles at her weakly, and her smile all about evaporates.

“So what are you doing out here?”

“I…”

“Go back and talk to him. Hell, just be with him. You can freak out later, okay. I’ll even shout you a better coffee.” Jensen scoffs slightly, but she’s right. Now’s not the time that for a freak out, he has to stay strong for Jared.

“I just need a few minutes”.

~*~

It’s quiet here, peaceful is what Jared notices first. It gives him time to sift through his thoughts and memories and arrange everything accordingly. He’s not sure what day it is though, and that makes everything off kilter a little. Jensen had practically run out of the room a few minutes earlier, after Jared’s attempt to break the ice. Granted, he could have said something more touching, but it just wasn’t his style. He looks down at the white shirt and pants he’s wearing and sighs. White. It represented innocence, purity and cleanliness, three things that Jared definitely wasn’t. With a sigh he pushes away the bedcovers and swings his leg over, his feet hitting the ground with a low thud. He leans over and opens the drawer; it’s mostly empty, but for whatever reason there’s a grey sweater inside it. Grey. Cool. Conservative. Jared can deal with that, he pulls it out and shrugs it on before he slips on the non-descript canvas shoes he sees on the floor towards the side of the bed. Before he stands up he tries to catalogue the different parts of his body, frowning as he feels a small twinge of pain. It’s barely there but it annoys him anyway. It makes him want to remember what happened even though he’s sure that he _shouldn_ ’ _t_ want to. As it stands, the last thing he can recall from his memory palace is escorting Chad out of the airport.

“Mr Padalecki?” he looks up and sees that one of the nurse is looking at him, her eyes hesitant and patient at the same time. He can see some lingering sadness in her that’s coloured with a fresh hint of weariness. Inexperience and overworked, he guesses.

“Nurse,” he says with a nod before he grins at her. “If I tell you a story, will you promise to hold off on calling the doc.” She smiles back at him for a second before she blinks and regains her bearings.

“Sorry,” she says. “I mean you’re finally lucid after a long period of cat—“

“Yeah about that, I don’t know the date or anything; not sure if I even remember how I got here,” he cuts in, hoping to distract her. “Though I remember this place well. You must be new, though. I’m sure I’d remember your face.” He smiles at her again, and she blushes. _We can still work the charm like magic_ , Jared says to himself as she comes closer.

“Aren’t you psychics meant to know everything?”

“There’s no such things as psychics, sweetheart, it’s just an uneducated guess.” She throws him a look that clearly says, _whatever you say_.

“I’m new,” she admits. “Not that you’d know it with the workload they’ve given me”.

“I can help you with that,” Jared says as he cocks his head to the side bashfully. “On one condition.”

“I don’t think…” she trails off as Jared displays his patented puppy dog eyes. “What is it?”

“Can you take me for a walk around or something? The décor of this place is _killing_ me”. She laughs at that, and Jared smiles to himself.

“It’ll take more than décor to get the best of you, Jared” a new voice come from further across the ward and both Jared and the nurse turn to see Jensen standing there with an expression that seems to be conveying a myriad of emotions.

“I can take him on his walk, Katie” he suggests, and the nurse – Katie – turns to Jared for confirmation or consent, and he nods at her.

“We’ll figure out how to get your bosses to ease up on you later,” he says with a wink before she leaves, waving at him as she shakes her head fondly.  When she’s gone he feels his body tense up involuntarily as Jensen approaches him. He doesn’t look up as Jensen stops in front of him, and Jensen doesn’t make him. He just holds out a hand in front of Jared, right under his eye line and Jared takes it without uttering a word.

~*~

They don’t speak for a good thirty minutes as they walk through empty corridors, hand in hand. Jensen’s kind of surprised because Jared had been talking up a storm with Katie back there. He’d almost been like the old Jared…but not quite. Jensen could see that he was projecting his old TV persona, cocky and charming. But the tiredness and weakened demeanour was plain to see. It made Jensen a little sad, watching Jared fake it like that, because he wondered if Jared would ever be full of life again. He prayed that this awful chain of events hadn’t crushed his spirit completely, that he wouldn’t let Chad, Jeff and Grace win.

“I’m okay” Jared says as they stop at the bench in the hallway. “Just, I’m a little winded right now, and I _really_ need to sit down.” Jensen just shrugs and Jared sinks down onto the bench. He wants to apologise for not noticing that Jared was tiring out, but the words won’t come out, so he just ends up sitting pressed next to Jared on the bench. The silence still deafens them, and washes over them like an unwelcome blanket, and Jensen sits there and wrings his fingers as he tries to find the words he so desperately wants to say.

“Talk to me, just….say something please” he says eventually because he can’t stand the silence anymore.

“I will, but not now…I don’t want to remember just yet, not until I’m ready,” Jared replies softly. “But, a hug would be nice” and, really? How can Jensen possibly refuse him that?

And, as he wraps his arms around Jared and holds him tight, he prays that they’ll make it through this relatively unscathed. Because he knows that sometimes - a scar is for life.

“Hey, when we get back up to my bed, tell Addie that I know that she’s not shy.” Jensen just snorts to himself a little. He hadn’t even mentioned her once.

~*~

They decide to keep him in for two more weeks, claiming that they need to keep him under observation especially after last time. Last time referring to Jared checking himself out against Dr Ferris’ orders, because it’s not like anyone else would have done it. Jared briefly considers hypnotising the doctor into letting him go a week early but Jensen’s pretty much camped out by his bedside. He looks tired as hell, but Jared’s not stupid enough to bring it up yet. Not when they still haven’t spoken properly in the five days that Jared’s been lucid again. Even talking to Adrianne had been stiff and awkward, once it became clear to them both that they were still as stubborn as ever. They’d fallen out over Milo and that _stupid_ TV show of his. And now that Milo was gone, it left some sort of barrier between the two of them that they couldn’t or wouldn’t overcome. She’d promised to call last time she’d been to visit, but they both knew that she wouldn’t.

Being an ex-television star does have its perks though,

“Jared, sweetie, I made you a cup of tea, just the way you like it” Nurse Williams says as she approaches his bed with a steaming mug in her hands. He pulls up the tray and takes it from her, placing it down before it can sting his fingers.

“Thank you” he says as he shoots her his most charming grin, and she blushes as she waves him off and walks away. Jensen, who’s sitting in the chair beside his bed just snorts and shakes his head.

“According to Katie, she’s the meanest bitch _ever_ ,” he says. “Trust you to be the person who turns her into a simpering mess”

“What can I say, Jensen? I’m a char—“

“—charming man, I’ve only heard that from you like, a thousand times”

“You wound me!” Jared mock cries, and Jensen laughs. It’s not his special laugh, the one where he bows his head down and laughs so hard that his eyes crinkle at the corners, but Jared takes it as a win.

“So, uh, not to be a downer or anything, but do you remember anything yet?” Jensen asks. “Beaver’s still saying that we need another eyewitness, or your account of events in order for the DA’s office to make their cases as strong as possible”. Jared sighs as he bites down the urge to tell Jensen to just drop it for a while. It’s the second time he’s asked, and Jared doesn’t have the heart to tell Jensen that he _doesn’t_ want to remember. That he’s pushing it back so deep into his mind that he’ll practically need a crane to dig it out. He doesn’t have the heart, because the hope in Jensen’s voice tells him that he’s going to do it, he’s going to force himself to relive the moment where his pseudo family turned its back on him completely, force himself to see just how badly he’s screwed up. But he doesn’t want Jensen to witness any of it. Yet, he’s starting to see that he doesn’t have a choice. Jensen’s _here_ , he hasn’t left yet, and that…it means something. It means that Jared can’t just brush it off and smile his way through the bullshit. No, it means that sooner or later he has to face up to all of this. And that just scares him more than anything.

“I’m sorry,” Jensen is saying when Jared tunes back in. “I shouldn’t be pushing you to remember this crap, not when you’re still so…” he trails off, and Jared thinks of about three different words that he could use to finish that sentence. Weak, fragile, temperamental.

“Why are you here?” he says, instead, knowing that the question isn’t going to go well with Jensen. He doesn’t want to remember yet, but maybe he has to make some sort of concession. He watches as a range of emotions flit across Jensen’s face. Confusion. Realisation. Anger. Hurt. Indifference.

“You need someone to keep you company, and Chris will probably kill you if you show him another card trick, so I guess I’ve got no other choice than to be here.” Jensen’s gone for the pretending to misunderstand the question route and for a moment Jared goes with it. He’s had someone watching over him almost constantly since he’s woken up, and he knows that it’s Jensen’s doing. He knows that the other man is afraid that if there’s no one to pull him out of the murky edge of the sea of darkness in his mind, he’ll just sink right down to the bottom all over again.

“That’s not what I mea—“

“Because, I fucking love you,” Jensen interrupts. “And I know that you knew that already, so why don’t we just cut the crap?”  Jared flounders as he tries to find the words, but before he can Jensen lets out a frustrated groan and stands up.

“You know what? I’m going! When you want to talk, let me know” and with that he turns and strides out of the room leaving Jared staring at the swinging door.

Thirty minutes later, he’s flipping through the newspaper when Chris saunters in, looking half asleep and pissed off. Jared bites back a snort as Chris drops into the chair.

“You look like shit,” he says and Chris flips him the bird.

“Yeah, well I _was_ sleeping, but then I got a call from Jensen telling me to come and sit by you and make sure you don’t do anything stupid, like say check out for another two months.” There’s no real heat to Chris’ words but Jared feels a stab of guilt in his chest anyway. Jensen’s too angry with him to be here, but he’s not ready to leave Jared on his own. It makes him feel even worse than he did already.

“What’s the problem here?” Chris asks as he turns to look at Jared directly. “From what I’ve been hearing, you’ve been talking to everybody else, but not Jensen, he’s working day and night on new cases and still he drags himself here whenever he can.  I know that you’re not blind, man, so what gives?”   

~*~

_Jared’s drinking shots of Jim Beam and flirting with the bartender when he feels a familiar presence behind him. The bartender’s eyes widen with fear, and she places the glass she’d been wiping down on the bar top._

_“I need to see the owner of this place now._ ” _Jensen’s whiskey-rough voice floats through the smoky atmosphere of the bar, and Jared can’t help swivelling around in the chair. It’s Richard’s bar – well, his old bar – now that he’s made money off the generous Housewives of Marin County, he’s never around anymore. Jared can’t quite bring himself to frequent places called “Spike,” or “Frisky” or something yet. He likes the homely feel of this place._

_“He ain’t here, boss” Jared drawls lazily. enjoying the way Jensen’s shoulders tense up at the sound of his voice. They stare at each other silently for a few seconds before the Agent next to Jensen breaks the silence._

_“Hey, uh Jared right? How’ve you been. man?” Jensen turns to glare at the man. and Jared can’t help smirking to himself._

_“Chris,” he says with a nod. “I’m good. You?”_

_“Ah, you know, no rest for the wicked, right?”_

_“Damn straight,” Jared agrees, and Jensen practically growls. He turns to Jared and gives him a cold look._

_“As riveting as this talk is, we need to search this place as part of an on-going investigation”_

_“That’s nice,” Jared says nonchalantly. “But you’re going to need a warrant or permission from the owner, neither of which I can help you with.” Jensen sighs before turning to Chris and exchanges a series of looks with him. Jared watches with equal part amusement and fascination as they move away from him and have an actual verbal conversation. He does a little lip reading and has his smirk settled on his face when Jensen comes back to him.  Jensen settles himself onto the stool next to Jared’s and orders a soda. The already frazzled bartender blinks sluggishly for a few seconds before Jared nods at her._

_“So are you going to assist us, or carry on being an asshole?” Jensen asks, and Jared rolls his eyes._

_“Pretty sure you already know the answer to that”._

_“You’re going to get yourself in trouble if you carry on hanging out at dives like this place,” Jensen says as he looks around the bar with a blank look on his face. Jared waits for the bartender to place Jensen’s glass of lemonade in front of him, before he leans closer and says,_

_“Finish your drink, and get out” in the most emotionless voice he can muster up._

~*~

“Hey, I remember that day!” Chris says as he leans back in the chair. “Turns out that we were at the wrong bar anyway….”.

“Really?” Jared asks dryly, and Chris shrugs.

“ _Really,_ ” he says before he sighs and looks at his watch. “Keep talking”.

~*~

_Jared’s doing his grocery shopping when he catches the eye of two young women who fight hard to conceal their excitement as they ask him for a picture. He obliges, if only so that they’ll leave him in peace, because he’s had a gruelling schedule this week. Of course, because it’s the week from hell, he literally bumps into Jensen in the cereal aisle.  As far as he knows they don’t even live near each other, but he wouldn’t really know if they did. It’s not like he’s going to keep tabs on the guy who dumped him like he meant absolutely nothing. But he’s an adult, so he doesn’t go out of his way to ignore Jensen._

_“Hi,” he says as he picks up a box of Fruit Loops casually, as if they just see each other every day, like there’s not a web of tangled up history between them,_

_“Still shopping along with us minnows?” Jensen’s response is harsh and bitter and Jared instantly regrets saying anything. “With your precious scam money too”._

_“I’m not scamming anybody,” Jared says. “I’m just an entertainer on television. Last time I checked, I wasn’t hurting anyone”._ _Jensen doesn’t respond verbally, just snorts and moves to brush past Jared. And on a good day, Jared would probably glare daggers at his back and let it go. But today is **not**_ _a good day._

_“How’s work these days? Still working 24 hours a day for a measly pay check that I probably earn triple of in an hour?” Jensen stops in his tracks, turns to face Jared, anger flashing in his eyes, and Jared can’t help wondering why he’s even angry. Why the animosity when he was the one who screwed them up._

_“At least I help people out, I don’t lie about who I am,” he says slowly. “I’m not a selfish asshole who wants to have everything that he can’t.”_

_“I wouldn’t expect you to understand,” Jared says with a derisive chuckle. “You have no idea what I’ve been through. No fucking idea”._

_“I know enough”._

_Jared’s only response is to whack the box Jensen’s holding out of his hand and then stride out of the aisle before he does  something stupid like punch him. God knows that he **really**_ _wants to._

_~*~_

“Why was he so pissed at you?” Chris asks confusion evident on his face.

 _“_ Just another way of pushing me away, I guess”.

“But from what I saw before all of this started, there wasn’t any tension between you both whenever you dropped into the station – there was that one time that girl was shot at that nightclub, you helped us out.”

“Jensen spent most of that time ignoring me or being a complete dick whenever we were alone together,” Jared says, “That was kinda like the final straw for me”.

“And are you done with him now?” Chris is looking at him with a sympathetic look on his face, and Jared hates it. He doesn’t want sympathy, and he doesn’t want to turn this into some sort of pity party. But there’s a reason that he’s telling Chris this, and there’s a reason why he made sure Jensen left.  It’s always been in Jared’s nature to run away when things got too complicated or too painful for him to deal with. He’s still unsure over how he managed to persuade himself to help the CBI with this case in the first place, when all he’d wanted to do was run.  Now that it’s all over though, his natural instincts are back. It’s all he’s been thinking about, getting out of here and just casting all of this aside. At this point, Jared’s an expert at reinventing himself. Maybe he could do something good this time around. Something that makes him feel a lot better than he is now.

“Jared?” Chris’ voice breaks into his thoughts, and he looks up, seeing understanding in Chris’ eyes instead of the anger that he thought would be there.

“I can’t ruin anyone else’s life,” he starts off, his voice shaky as he trembles slightly. “And I can’t have anyone else that I care about let me down again.” It sounds a little selfish, even to him, but it’s true. He’s just not sure how he’d be able to cope. Milo was the first person he let in for a long time, along with Adrianne, and look how that turned out.  This _thing_ that he has with Jensen just…doesn’t have enough shelf life for him to put himself out there again. He doesn’t see a future, because…he’s still scared that Jensen will snap out of this in a few months and realise that his job is more important.

“I’ve never seen Jensen so wrapped up over someone the way he is over you,” Chris says after a short silence. “Doesn’t that count for anything?” It sounds like a plea, like Chris is campaigning on Jensen’s behalf, and Jared wonders how he’d feel if Jensen was here instead.  He’d probably ignore the turbulent clash of emotions in his chest and just give Jensen whatever he wanted.

“We’re too different”.

“That’s bullshit, man. He loves you, and you love him. Nothing can get in the way of that”. Chris means well. He does, but he’s not going to change Jared’s mind. At this point even attempting to is pointless. He just needs to be sure that when he’s gone someone will be there to look after Jensen for him. That’s all he wants.

“Back when I was pretty much a street kid, we all used to talk amongst ourselves about how we’d want our lives to be if we ever got the chance. They all wanted to be pilots, actors, doctors and all kinds of things like that, and all I wanted was to get the hell off the streets,” Jared stops as he wonders what the hell he’s even trying to say. Chris doesn’t need to hear about how hard he hard it back in the day. “Anyway, I guess my point is that I could have helped them and I didn’t, I was too focused on getting myself out of there, too busy looking after number one.”

“Anyone else in your position would have done the same, Jared – I mean, I looked into your finances myself. You donate to dozens of charities that help those kids,” Chris argues his voice taking on a rough edge. “Sounds to me like I’m attending your damn pity party. You’re a good guy, Jared”.

“Doesn’t feel like it from where I’m sitting,” Jared says wistfully. “And I don’t want to drag Jensen down with me”.

“So you think you’re doing him a favour? Oh and let me guess, you’re not just sharing and caring, because I’m here, you want me to pass the message along.” Jared blinks, because he’d only been planning on planting the idea inside Chris’ head.

“It’s not happening buddy – not a chance. Tell him yourself,” Chris says before he stands up and stretches slowly. “Get some sleep, okay?” and, before Jared can protest, he’s gone.

Beaver’s got a pinched look on his face when Jensen arrives at his office. He and the team have just been presented with the corpse of a man who’s been dead for three years It was found inside a locked box in one of the  dumpsters downtown. These kinds of cases are generally the ones they want to avoid.

"Has he said anything about maybe handing in a statement yet?" he asks as Jensen takes a seat across from him.

"With all due respect sir, he's still trying to get back to speed on everything. I’m not sure if he’s ready yet"

"We don't have time to waste, Ackles. The longer it takes to get his statement, the harder it'll be to use in court"

"Maybe we shouldn't bother I mean, he might never remember"

"I've seen Padalecki directly after one of his...episodes; he'd been out of hospital for all of two days before he came to me begging to be put on the case," Beaver informs him. "I had a special team put him through his paces, and he excelled in the memory sections, so he better damn well remember."

"You know that letting him work here at all was a mistake, he just walked straight into Chad and Jeff's trap!" Jensen's starting to get angrier now, and he leans forward. "He wasn't in the right head space to be working a case that he was involved in so deeply." Beaver just sighs as he strokes his beard a little, before reaching down and loosening his tie.

"You know, Morgan convinced me to put someone else in charge, that's why I got all up in your face during the meeting." He pauses as he looks down, breaking their eye contact. “He said that you weren’t focused, that Padalecki was messing with your ability to do the job.” Jensen sits back in his chair as he remains silent. He knows that he should be reassuring Beaver that his head is very much in the game, but he’s pissed off. He’s annoyed with Jared for not giving him a reason to say, “Yeah. So maybe Jared kinda screws with my head,” and he’s annoyed with Beaver for bringing it up, for questioning his ability to do his job. He can see that Beaver is waiting for a response; he clears his throat and says,

“I can do my job, sir.” It’s a weak comeback, but Beaver nods at him anyway.

“Glad to hear it, Ackles – you’re free to go.” he replies, and Jensen mutters thanks as he stands up to leave. He’s just reached the door when Beaver speaks again.

“You know that all of that stuff you’re taught in training about the job coming first is just a smokescreen, right? We use it to get you to focus, so that you can learn how to prioritise. The job doesn’t always come first, Jensen”

“I’m not quitting,” is all Jensen says before he leaves the office.

~*~

He’s not been back to the hospital since the previous day when he’d stormed out and sent Chris to sit with Jared. He couldn’t just turn off that _switch_ inside his head that made him worry endlessly. As far as he knows, today is Chris’ day off so he’s surprised to bump into the other man outside of his own office.

 

“Hey, I thought you had the day off?” he says just as Chris says,

“You need to talk to Jared.”

Jensen frowns as he opens his office door and beckons Chris in.

“Why? Is something wrong?” he asks as he looks at his desk idly and wonders what he’s supposed to be doing.

“There’s way too much caffeine in that special tea of his for one thing. Has he been sleeping?” Jensen sighs as he casts his mind back, and he exhales slowly as he realises that he hasn’t actually seen Jared sleeping once since he woke up. He’d always been the one falling asleep and waking up to find Jared always awake. How hadn’t he noticed?

“How’d you figure it out?” he says as he turns to Chris, who’s watching him with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Kid likes to talk, we all know that. But no one is that fucking chirpy at 4 in the morning – and you owe me big time by the way, that chair was hell on my back,” Chris replies as he walks over to the couch and sits down.

“What did he talk about?” Jensen asks, trying to keep the jealous tone out of his voice.

“You, your numerous rejections, his TV show and God knows what else,”

“You didn’t tell him that we were at the wrong bar that one time did you?”

“Of course I did,” Chris says with a grin. “I had to get some amusement out of babysitting your boy.” Jensen simply sighs.

 

~*~

Jared’s shrugging on his suit jacket when Jensen arrives back at the hospital. He’s talking to Katie as Jensen approaches Jared’s abandoned bed.

“What’s going on?” He interrupts Katie mid-speech, and she shoots Jared a small smile before she walks away.

“I’m checking out of here; re-joining the world. It’s a beautiful day, Jensen.” Jared runs a hand through his hair as he shoves some things into a plastic bag. “I have a statement to give, don’t I?”

“I thought you didn’t remember what happened?” Jared’s only response is a snort as he starts to walk out of the room.  Jensen follows him blindly, mentally willing Jared to take the elevator down to the entrance. Of course, Jared heads straight for the stairs.

“You can’t just discharge yourself, the doctor has to give you the okay,” he says as they start climbing down the first flight.

“I hypnotised him.” Jared doesn’t bother to beat around the bush, and Jensen sighs for what seems like the thousandth time since he got here. “He wouldn’t let me go”.

“Is that why you got rid of me yesterday?” Jensen asks as he grabs Jared’s arm. Jared stumbles on the steps a little, and Jensen tightens his grip.

“You left on your own accord,” Jared says as he tugs his arm free. Eventually they reach the bottom of the stairway and head out into the main corridor, following the signs directing them to the exit in silence.

 

It’s warm outside, and Jared sucks in a huge gust of air when they reach a short distance away from the entrance.  The hospital is secluded away from the main street, but faint noises from passing traffic can still be heard from where they’re standing. There are a few people lingering outside who give them a cursory glance, and Jensen wonders how out of place they look with their suits. He only notices then that Jared’s wearing the same dark grey suit, matching vest and crisp white shirt that he was wearing the day he joined the Bureau as a consultant. 

 

“What about referrals?” Jensen finally finds his voice, watching as Jared looks up at the sky, eyes hidden from his view.

“There’s nothing wrong with my head, and why would I need more people poking around and trying to get me to talk about my feelings?” Jared’s tone is sharp and defensive, and Jensen can’t help the sigh that escapes. He feels bad for a few seconds, before he realises that he has every right to ask the question. He spent God knows how long, sitting with Jared, watching him while he’d been lost inside his head. He’d prayed and begged God; he’d fucking endured a lot as he stumbled through the days, hoping that Jared would snap out of it. So this irritating attitude of Jared’s does nothing but piss him off. But he tries to push it down; tries to breathe through it, because blowing up at Jared now probably wouldn’t be a good idea.

 

“Breakfast!” he changes the subject and loads his voice with as much fake enthusiasm as he can muster. “You must be desperate for something that isn’t crappy hospital food, right?”

 

“I could go for some eggs,” Jared says thoughtfully, and Jensen beams at him. The strained look on Jared’s face tells him that it’s too much, and he dials it down a little. They’re both adults, surely they can play nice for a while.

 

“Guess today’s your lucky day!” he says brightly as he heads for the car park, the smile on his face fading the second that he’s far out in front of Jared.

 

~*~

 

“What exactly did Jared tell you?” Jensen’s muttering down his phone in the stuffy bathroom of the diner he’d taken them to, flustered and nervous as he tries to get rid of the bad feeling lacing his stomach.  “Because he’s been weird since I picked him up – hell, I got the feeling that if I hadn’t showed up when I did; he wouldn’t have called to tell me he was leaving!”  He probably sounds hysterical, but Chris takes it in his stride.

“Look, give the kid a break, okay? He’s been through a lot over the past month or so, and you know that it’ll only get worse when the case goes to trial, which will be soon if the whispers I’m hearing are right.”

“I _know_ he has!” Jensen hisses angrily. “I know more than anyone.”

“Then you’ll let him go.” _What?_   Jensen opens and closes his mouth a few times as he processes Chris’ words. “It’s your call, man.” And with that final piece of helpfulness ( _not_ ) Chris hangs up on him, leaving Jensen to ponder what Chris was saying. He can’t just let go, he did that all of those years ago, and it’s haunted him ever since. He still remembers the last time he and Jared saw each other before Milo’s death. He can still feel the cold sense of dread he felt after Jared’s simple, “ _I’m done,_ ” after yet another heating slanging match. His chest suddenly feels tight and heavy, and Jensen tries his hardest to paint on a brave face before he goes back out to face the music. Jared’s sitting at a table by the window; small grin on his face as he talks to a short, brown-haired woman, who Jensen assumes is their server. He lingers for a few moments, waiting on her to leave and he makes his way over, sitting down across from Jared.

“I ordered for you,” Jared says as he nods at the menu. “Blueberry pancakes”.  Jensen slams his hand down on the table so hard that people from the booth across from them look over, and the salt and pepper shakers rattle.  Blueberry pancakes. He can still see the plate of unfinished pancakes from the day that Jared walked out on him. And the worst thing is that he knows that Jared hasn’t forgotten. Jared _never_ forgets.  Suddenly everything makes sense. Jared’s refusal to talk to him about what had happened; his surprising acquiescence over staying on the psych ward. He’s been letting Jensen down gently, while planning to screw him over, trample on his heart and leave it in the middle of fucking nowhere.  The childish part of Jensen’s brain tells him that it’s payback for Jensen’s reaction back in the day, but for the most part he just wonders what the hell is going on inside Jared’s head.

Jared’s watching him carefully, and Jensen stares right back at him, his fist still curled up tightly on the table. Jared looks away after that before standing up and heading over to the counter. Jensen sighs as he runs a hand over his mouth wondering if any of this is even worth it. Maybe Jared’s got the right idea. They can cut their losses now; minimise the damage maybe. But Jensen can still remember that day in his basement as clear as day, the vivid images flowing in his mind on an ever spinning reel. He can still remember how terrified he was. He thought that maybe they could get through this together that…he doesn’t really know anymore. Suddenly he gets the urge to leave, to just leave Jared out here on his own. Or alternatively shove the fucking pancakes up his ass.

~*~


	13. Part Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [based on The Mentalist]. Celebrity psychic Jared Padalecki is drawn into a cruel game with the media dubbed “Valentine Killer” when he insults him on live television. His best friend is murdered in cold blood, and that coupled with a thunderous clash with his old flame - CBI Agent Jensen Ackles - leads to him having a publicized breakdown. But soon he’s back and gunning for the murderer while trying to come to the terms with the deep running attraction between himself and Jensen. Little does he know that he’s in way over his head on both counts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the 2012 spn_j2_bigbang challenge. You don't need to have seen The Mentalist to understand this fic.

# Part Twelve

 

Jared ignores the strange look the woman behind the counter gives him when he tells her that he wants to make his own tea. She asks him to give her instructions and he sighs.  He could turn on the charm, flash her smile and she’d melt on the spot, but he’s not in the mood. He’s annoyed that Jensen showed up to pick him up, annoyed that he still has to go back and get involved with the case all over again, because he’s done. Chad’s dead. Jeff’s dead. Grace is all but dead to _him_. He feels emotionally drained, and just wants to disappear. But he can’t just go without explaining everything to Jensen. He can’t just up and leave without saying anything, because Jensen’s all he’s got. Jensen who spent weeks staying with him while he sat there lost inside his own head. Jensen who says that he _loves_ him. But spilling everything to Chris, coupled with his own doubt and insecurities, makes Jared feel unsure about whether or not he wants to start anything.

“Here,” she says, slamming the cup down in front of him jolting him out of his thoughts. “Your food will be with you in 5.” She moves onto another customer, and Jared makes his way back over to the table slowly. Jensen’s face is indifferent, shoulders tense, and Jared can tell that he’s angry.

Needless to say, he doesn’t enjoy his breakfast.

~*~

Jensen’s quiet on the way to the station, and Jared busies himself with looking out of the window, thinking about what he’s going to say, and what he’s going to do afterwards. For his entire not wanting to remember bullshit, he’s known what happened that day since the third day after he woke up. But he can’t seem to _deal_. He feels like he’s freefalling and can’t grasp onto to anything, can’t stabilise himself.

“It’s not going to be anything difficult,” Jensen says breaking the awkward silence between them. “You just have to recount what you remember and what happened”

“What about the fact that I went to Ohio?” Jared asks. “They don’t suspect that I had anything to do with it?” Jensen pauses before he responds, and Jared can see that he’s uncertain.

“I explained everything in my statement but you were more of a person of interest anyway,” it’s a lie, but Jared doesn’t dwell on it too much.

“Chad always had pen marks on his hands,” he says instead, and Jensen turns to look at him, a confused expression on his face. It fades into an expectative look, and Jared smirks a little, and Jensen simply rolls his eyes.

“I see that you’re still the open book you’ve always been”.

“You know it,” Jared says easily . “It can’t be easy trying to put a case to rest when the murderer is dead, and Chris told me about the pictures, but there’s still no motive is there?”

“Get to the point Jared.” Jensen says patiently.

“He probably wrote the entire plan out and planted it somewhere,” Jared says. “But he could easily have word processed it, right?”

“Yes…” Jensen says as he stops at a red light.

“But I wouldn’t have”

“You really think that he went so far with the “frame Jared” plan?”

“I know that he did,” Jared replies. “And I know where it is”

~*~

Giving his statement is fairly straightforward and within the hour he's signing it and making his way over to Jensen’s office. Jensen’s typing away furiously at his desktop computer, and Jared sits down on the couch and watches him for a few seconds.

“Well that was easy,” he remarks. “Talking about how my adoptive brothers and darling mother had been plotting to send me to prison.”

“How are you holding up?” Jensen asks as he looks up at Jared, his green eyes wide and full of concern. Jared ignores the way his heart tugs a little and shrugs.

“Great. I have no family, no friends and no job, no purpose in life, and just….I’m great,” he says. “And Beaver wouldn’t tell me when this would be going to trial. They have to “build” a case.”

“Yeah,” Jensen says. “These things take time”.

“So what am I supposed to do in the meantime?” Jared asks.

“Spend all of that money you have sitting in your account? Buy more vintage cars?” Jensen teases, and Jared shakes his head in amusement.

“We found Chad’s evil book of evil deeds by the way,” Jensen informs him. “It looks like Chad was some sort of calligraphy expert as well as a fraud, murderer and…you know.” Jared remains silent, not really wanting to discuss it, not wanting to face up to it. He feels cold and heartless, for not caring.

For not shedding a tear over any of this.

“This was my fault wasn’t it?” he says as it starts to sink in all over again. People are dead because of _him_. Right down to Chad and Jeff and. That’s on _him_. “Maybe I should have died in the crash with my parents.” It’s the most morbid thought he’s had in a while, and he doesn’t even realise that he’s said it aloud. He notices that he can’t hear the clacking sound of Jensen’s typing anymore and looks up to see Jensen staring at him with a horrified expression.

“Maybe you need a clean break,” Jensen says eventually. “From everything, maybe do a little soul searching.” Jared stares right back at him, his heart heavy with the words that Jensen’s leaving unsaid.

“Maybe,” he says. But he’s scared, scared that if he goes and gets lost, there’ll be no one with him to find him. That he’ll forever be the boy that runs away, boy that no one cares about. The boy that wishes he could start over, the boy that has blood all over his hands. The boy that used other people to make himself feel better. He’s scared that maybe he’s just getting what he deserves; a heart full of pain, and a life that no one would want. He startles a little when he feels Jensen’s weight settle on the couch next to him, but he’s over it in seconds. The usual tension he feels when he’s next to Jensen is present, but it’s not overwhelming, not in this instance.

“I’ve done a lot of bad things,” he says, breaking the silence between them. “Richard was like a brother to me; he said that it didn’t matter as long as we got some money out of it, and I fucking believed him. Like the naïve child that I was”.

“Sometimes good people do bad things,” Jensen says as he sighs wistfully. “It’s a fact of life”. Jared can tell that he’s trying to lighten the mood, but it doesn’t work. It was one thing when he was studying the files and trying to put the pieces together, work out who the hell it was that was gunning for him. _Punishing_ him. But now that he has those answers, he’s just left with the eyes of the victims staring into his soul, tormenting him silently. He can’t run from them anymore. He should be rotting in jail along with Grace, because he killed them too. But, he’s too callous for prison. He’s too set in his ways for someone who used to live on the streets. Mind you, even then he lied and cheated his way into warm beds. Turned on the charm, flashed his huge dimpled grin, and the rest as they say, was history.

“You can call me a lot of things, but a good person ain’t one of them”

“That’s not true,” Jensen says in a stern tone. “And I’d like to think that I know the real you”

“As opposed to the face I put on in public, huh? What makes you so sure that’s not the _real_ me?” Jared’s voice is at least one octave higher, and he feels his face flush as he tilts his head down, his hair falling into his eyes. “Sorry, just…it’s like I don’t know who I am anymore”.

“So much has changed since we…well, since whatever the hell we were doing,” Jared continues. “I need a clean break from everything, a chance to just…”

“Find the real you?” Jensen interjects, his face remaining impassive, like he’s trying to mask what he’s really feeling. It makes Jared want to smile a little but he doubts that would be befitting of the moment they’re having.

“Something like that, yeah”

“I won’t stop you,” Jensen says. “I saw what you did for me back there, in my basement…when Jeff exploded, you took that beating for me, and that...anyway,  the least I can do is let you go. I don’t want you to end up resenting me again”.

“I never resented you Jensen,” Jared replies softly. “I was just angry, hell we both were, and…just, what do you say that we call a truce?”

“What are we, six?” Jensen jokes but Jared can tell that to Jensen it’s already done. He can see the pain in Jensen’s eyes, he can feel the heartbreak, because he’s pretty sure that it’s the same tight feeling his chest and after everything. Jensen’s insistences that he loves him, staying with him in the hospital, the least Jared could do was stick around and see if they could work things out. But he can’t.

“Hey, I uh, held onto this for you,” Jensen reaches into his pocket and pulls out the watch that Jared had gotten in the package what seems like centuries ago. It’s his father’s watch. He eyes it carefully, and there’s a lump caught up in his throat as he feels his eyes start to water.

“Keep it,” he says, voice choked up, and Jensen leans forward and kisses him. It’s just a simple brush of lips but they both hold still longer than necessary, and Jared doesn’t dare pull back. Jensen shifts a little and suddenly they’re wrapped up in a tight embrace. It reminds Jared of that time in the hospital, and he knows without a doubt that this is where he’s meant to be. Where he was supposed to be, here, in Jensen’s arms. But life doesn’t work out the way you want it to. 

He ignores the fact that tears are finally rolling down his cheeks in a river of shame, pain and heartbreak.

~*~

_They’re not really doing anything, just lying on Jensen’s couch watching a rerun of Jeopardy. Jared wants to call it hanging out, but lying down with his head on Jensen’s lap seems far too intimate. It’s a nice feeling, an unusual one really. Casual sex isn’t something that Jared’s a stranger to, but this is. It feels like so much more. But he knows that it’ll never go anywhere. That one day he’ll get tired of Jensen denying that this is so much more than casual. The same way Jensen will get tired of Jared pretending that this isn’t so much more than casual. One day they’ll fall away into pieces and Jared wishes he was brave enough to cut his losses now, but he needs Jensen. Needs the warmth of his body and the heady feeling that being around Jensen gives him._

_“We should take a picture!” he says as he shoots up quickly, only noticing that Jensen’s hand had been in his hair as Jensen detaches himself from it slowly. Jensen’s grunts softly but doesn’t answer and Jared jabs him in the side gently. “Where’s your camera?”_

_“Seriously?” Jensen doesn’t look too enthused by the idea and Jared rolls his eyes._

_“Yes! We’re friends, right? It’s just a picture, no big deal” Jared says with a shrug, as he fixes Jensen with a look that he knows Jensen won’t be able to resist._

_“Fine!” he grumbles as he gets up from the couch to presumably locate his camera. Jared simply smiles to himself._

The two of them are kind of squashed together, wide smiles gracing their faces. They look happy. The kind of happiness that you only see in pictures, a snapshot of a moment where everything was perfect and nothing hurt. He wonders what drove him to shove it away but swiftly realises that he had too many reasons. For a moment he wonders if he’s doing the right thing. Maybe he should stay here and work things out with Jensen, maybe he should just not run this time. He’s got a whole lot of maybes, and no set of answers, and he can just feel everything spinning out of control. His gaze catches his suitcase and he remembers that he's supposed to be getting out of here. He drops the photo onto his bed and makes his way over to his closet to grab a few essentials. He’s not sure what he’ll do with the house, maybe sell it. But he decides to make the decision later on, when he’s thinking more clearly. Jared  finishes  packing up soon after that, and he heads out, not looking back as he jumps into his car and takes off.  
  
He leaves the photograph behind.

~*~

With Jared gone, Jensen’s left to bury himself in work. Unfortunately for them there’s no shortage of homicides in California, and there’s no shortage of cases for them to take on, so it’s a surprise when the trial date for The Valentine Killer is set. As the accused – Jeff and Chad – are dead, the CBI have been pushing for a quick case to tie loose ends. However, their mother’s refusal to make a statement has been hindering their progress. She’s been charged with attempted murder, conspiracy to murder and criminallynegligent homicide.  None of which she’ll go down for if she doesn’t admit to any of it, which just pisses Jensen off. Every time it seems as though this case would be dead and buried, something popped up again to bring it back to the forefront of Jensen’s mind. It didn’t help that the District Attorney had been making noises about getting him and Jared prepared for any witness statements that they’d have to make. He pinches the bridge of his nose as he deletes yet another email from Beaver asking him where Jared is. Apparently his answers have been inadequate so far because it’s the same thing every goddamn week, and he’s sick of it. Jensen’s muttering to himself when there’s a knock on his door.

“Come in!” he calls and he’s surprised to see Sandy walking in. She smiles at him as she motions towards the chair on the other side of his desk. He nods at her, and she takes a seat. Jensen can’t help frowning, he’s 100% sure that they’re not scheduled for a meeting, and, technically, she’s not even a member of his team. Truth be told, he’s not sure that he trusts her completely. She was brought in by Jeff after all to profile the damn murderer. According to Chris, she’d been helpful, but Jensen’s not convinced.

“Jeff asked me to spy on your team,” and apparently Sandy’s going straight for the heart-to-heart conversation. “He said that he couldn’t be sure that you’d be able to keep a straight head with Jared around, and that he could be spinning you a line, secretly trying to cover up his tracks”

“Oh the irony,” Jensen remarks dryly. “What did you tell him?” Sandy’s looking right at him, and it unnerves him a little. He can’t help thinking that Jared’s a lot more subtle at observing people than she is. Maybe he can give her some tips whenever he gets back. _If_ he comes back that is, and Jensen tries not to lead himself down that road of thought again.

 

 

“Nothing much,” Sandy says with a shrug. “Jared wasn’t the killer; I didn’t even need to be a profiler to see that.” She sounds so sure of herself that Jensen can’t help asking her why she was so sure.

“He’s too loud, too energetic – he’d never have enough patience to sit there and cut someone’s heart out and then dump the body somewhere afterwards”

“So what did you tell Jeff?” Jensen asks again, because she seems to be only interested in feeding him dribs and drabs of information, and he’d rather sit here and indulge her than go out and look at another mutilated corpse.

“That it wasn’t Jared, and that I thought that there wasn’t a substantial amount of professional distance between you and him,” Sandy says, continuing when Jensen gives her a look of bewilderment. “It’s the truth, the two of you were very in sync, you had silent conversations with each other, and you sometimes gave him this, I don’t know, _fond_ look that most certainly was not professional”

“Guess I have to work on my game face,” Jensen says, voice heavy with sarcasm, and Sandy chuckles gently.

“Actually, you’re good. Both of you. Just when you’re around each other, it all kind of…evaporates”

“Look, was there a reason that you came here? I’m kind of busy here,” Jensen lies, wanting this conversation to be over has soon as possible.

“Well, I need a more stable job, and Beaver said that with Chad being d—gone, you had a position available anyway…”

“And you want to join the unit permanently.” Jensen finishes her sentence for her, and Sandy nods affirmatively. He looks at her for a few moments, as he considers it. While he doesn’t trust her, he has to admit that she’s a good field agent, and that her profiler skills will be useful for further cases.

“Is that cranberry tea I smell?” Sandy says suddenly, and Jensen frowns for a second, until he realises that she’s talking about his mug of tea, one of the stupid fruity ones that Jared left behind. He flushes slightly but doesn’t answer. “Don’t be embarrassed, Jared got me hooked on the stuff too. Apparently it does—“

“—wonders for the mind and soul,” Jensen says, snorting to himself as he shakes his head. “But hell, it tastes good so I’m not complaining. She laughs a little louder than she ought to, and Jensen realises that she’s probably nervous about whether or not he’ll keep her on. And he can’t quite bring himself to be annoyed over the fact that Beaver’s just sprung this on him at  random, so he supposes that he’s only got one choice when it comes down to it.

“Welcome to the team, McCoy”.

As Sandy leaves, Tom knocks at the open door, and Jensen bites back the sigh as he beckons him in. He’s the head of a Serious Crimes unit dammit; surely they know just how much paperwork he has to do each week? Tom doesn’t say anything, and Jensen realises that he’s waiting for Jensen to speak. Jensen eyes him carefully first and sees that Tom looks a little perturbed. Which isn’t unusual for his agents but as far as he knows they’re in between cases at the moment.

“What’s the problem?” he asks. Tom hesitates as he looks up at Jensen easily, but eventually he sighs to himself and begins to talk,

“So…I was looking into the case, you know to find the link between Jared and the first three victims—“

“He…they were clients of his, we already know that.” Jensen butts in, as annoyance creeps up inside him at the thought of Tom going behind his back.

“Look I know that we’ve already handed this over to the DA’s office, but...we’re the ones who let this happen right in front of us, we owe it to the victims to investigate the case as thoroughly as possible, sir”.

“Okay,” Jensen says shortly, trying to ignore the fact that Tom’s right. Unfortunately for him, the way that he feels about the case personally doesn’t come into it. They have a duty to investigate all angles of the case and that’s what Tom’s doing. He can’t be angry about it. “What did you find out?”

“An online forum – the first three victims were the top three members of _Psychalecki.com_ ”

“ _Psychalecki_?” Jensen snorts. “That’s actually kind of clever”.

“Right. They were the top posters along with one other person with some sort of sock account – that’s an account with a dud name used by someone who doesn’t want to be identified through their real names or details,” Tom explains. “I spoke to a friend of mine who tracks IPs and severs and he pretty much confirmed that Murray was the one behind the account.”

“So he preyed on that through messages, emails – maybe organised to meet up with them and trapped them somehow” Jensen infers and Tom nods,

“Yeah something along those lines, and I get the feeling that if Jared hadn’t said that stuff on television, more of those people would have been killed, until Jared actually noticed”

“But he killed Milo...”

“Of course, he was angry, wanted to lash out at Jared – stage one of his plan was over”.

“Right,” Jensen says. “That makes sense”. Tom doesn’t look convinced though and Jensen can see that Tom’s itching to say something else.

“Jared’s supposed to be…good at reading people. I mean one look at Chad and this could have all been over right?” Tom says. “Why didn’t he know? Or say something else if he did know?”

“It’s not always that easy, Tom…sometimes your instincts aren’t enough, sometimes…other things get in the way…”

“I don’t really understand, but…I suppose that it was pretty complicated. But I feel as though the last two murders could have been prevented if he’d said something, even if it was an unfounded suspicion”.

“Right. Anyway, good work, Tom,” Jensen says when it becomes clear that Tom’s finished. He doesn’t expect Tom to understand anything Jared’s done or did, but he can’t fault the agent for wondering. It doesn’t really change anything, but it’s nice to finally have confirmation of an actual link between the first three victims. “Take that information to Beaver; tell him to pass it on to the DA.” Tom nods and stands up to leave the room. He looks a little disappointed, and Jensen wonders what the hell the agent had been after. Even so, he shrugs it off as he turns back to his computer and gets back to work on his paperwork.

He totally doesn’t end up wasting the next two hours browsing through _psychalecki.com_.                             

~*~

Jensen’s dozing off on his couch when he hears the doorbell go off. He’s been at the new place for about a month now, which means that Jared’s been gone for two months, and he hates the way his heart jumps whenever the doorbell goes off. He can’t quite get out of the “Maybe that’s Jared” mentality that he’s somehow developed.

“Sorry I’m not lover boy,” Chris drawls as Jensen lets him in. “But I come bearing gifts. Or well _a_ gift.” Jensen doesn’t see Chris handling any beer or alcoholic drinks so he sorely doubts that statement. Chris makes himself at home – on Jensen’s spot on the couch - and Jensen sighs.

 “I know where your boy is”

“He’s not my boy. God what is it with everyone today?” Jensen snaps, and Chris recoils, hands up in the air as he shrugs. Jensen can’t quite bring himself to feel bad, because Chris of all people knows what he gets like when he’s tired.

“Alright, alright, calm down,” he says in response. “And what do you mean by everyone, has someone been giving you grief?”

“I had an impromptu meeting with McCoy earlier on, she said that I didn’t maintain the right professional distance with Jared when we were working on the case,” Jensen informs him with an annoyed expression painted on his face. “Like she wasn’t the one drooling all over him at that charity function!” And okay, maybe Jensen’s a little crankier than he ought to be, because he sure as hell didn’t really have a problem with Sandy before. Well not a big one anyway.

“Okay, moving on!” Chris says with a snort. “That weird lady who hounds us for interviews all the time has been on at CBI to come forward and make a statement assuring the public that we are capable of doing our jobs, and that Murray and Morgan were just so good that they managed to pull the wool over our eyes.” Jensen groans to himself softly. Due to the high profile nature of the case, there’s been little that hasn’t been told to the media. They know that two CBI officers were committing the crimes, and they know that the two had been captured and killed. They’d managed to keep his name out of everything, because they were more interested in Jared. The famous star caught up in a gripping tale of murder and bloodshed. _Fucking vultures._ Despite the fact that they’ve already published stolen hospital records and reported a story about Jared’s mental status (as told by an ‘unknown source’ – _yeah right_ ), the public relations team have been pestering him to come out and say something.  And while Jensen’s pretty sure that he’d be compromising the entire case he’s this close to giving in. Of course with his luck, she’ll probably request that he does the interview with Jared.

“So Jared got arrested in Texas yesterday night,” Chris just comes out with it, and maybe Jensen had gotten a little distracted there.

“What?” he says stupidly. “Arrested? What for?”

“Speeding, assault, DUI…on a fucking _Harley_ ” and really, Chris shouldn’t sound as impressed as he does right now. Jensen’s angry just thinking about it                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

“So I’m here wallowing in California, while Jared lives it up in Texas, nice.”

“Dude, come on. If he was living it up, he would have talked himself out of the ticket!”

“If I was a traffic cop, I think I’d be more inclined to give some smartass a ticket”.

“You’re still going to fly out there and see him though right?” Chris asks, and Jensen sighs, because the thought hasn’t crossed his mind. And really, he’s not even sure why Chris is pushing this. “You have a couple of weeks of vacation racked up, go and see the old lady and then visit your parents or something”.

“What if he doesn’t want to see me?” Jensen asks quietly.

“He will,” Chris says. “Trust me”.

 

~*~

 

Naturally, Jared ends up in San Antonio. It's where he was born, where his parents are resting. It makes sense. He owns the family home and the meagre savings they'd had, but he's never been back before. He's never had a reason. But he's here now looking up at the quaint, semi- detached house that he'd spent his early years in. He remembers it vaguely, the smell of apple blossom in the air, birds tweeting away in the distance. He doesn't go inside, not yet. Next on his welcome home tour is a trip to the cemetery. It's a cold, dismal experience, and he leaves after a few harsh whispers to his parents. They don't answer and Jared wonders if he's finally cracking up. Maybe he belongs on a psychiatric ward with all those other poor, tormented souls. He can't stop himself from drowning in the melancholy of this situation. Can't stop him from drowning in guilt and blame caused by everything that's happened. It’s too easy for him to get lost in the buzz of alcohol and a whole host of bad influences. It’s too easy for him to just let himself go. Nobody recognises him, luckily; perhaps he’s been out of the public eye for too long. Humans can be fickle that way. If they can’t see something, it doesn’t matter to them. It’s not their problem. The same way he’s not anyone’s problem. Maybe…maybe he should just disappear for good. He could overdose on pills maybe or take a gun to his head, something quick and painless because he’s a coward. He doesn’t want to deal with pain that he probably deserves. And, he can’t even imagine what it’d do to Jensen if he had the guts to go through with it. But the sadness lingering around him throws him off kilter. Makes him unsure about what he’s actually capable of when he’s this messed up. Through the midst of his inebriation he comes to what feels like a startling revelation even though he’s known it all along. 

 

He can't do this on his own.

 

And, three days later when he's sobering up and probably going too fast on a Harley that's not even his he realises that he doesn't have to.

 

~*~

 

Jared’s not looking at him, he’s not really looking at anything, and Jensen struggles to find a way to break the ice.

“I see you ditched your vest.” he says.

“Wasn’t much use to me while it was covered in vomit,” Jared replies with a grimace, and Jensen pulls a face.

“So…what have you been up to?” It seems like a simple enough question, but he’s sure that Jared can see the real question in Jensen’s eyes. It’s a mixture between ‘ _are you okay?’_ and ‘damn _, you’re clearly not okay, what the fuck have you been doing?’_

“I went to my parent’s old house and their graves. Just to see…” Jared pauses as he shoves his wayward bangs out of his eyes. It’s probably long and unruly and desperately in need of a trim, and Jensen assumes that Jared’s been too distracted to really take care of himself.  “To see if I’d feel different, like they were watching over me, you know, all of that crap you hear in movies?”

“And?”

“The movies lied, man,” Jared says with a humourless chuckle. “’Besides I have you, don’t I?” It’s not quite the way Jensen’s expecting things to go down, but he’ll take it over sitting here and talking things to death.

“Yeah,” he says. “You have me.” Slowly, Jensen reaches over to where Jared’s arm is resting on his lap, his fingers tracing down his forearm until his hand is resting in Jared’s.  Jared doesn’t speak as he clasps Jared’s hand in his, gripping tightly as he stares into the distance. His palm is warm and clammy, and Jensen wonders if he’s nervous about this. _Them._ Whatever the hell they are now. He wonders if Jared’s heart skips a beat the way his does, wonders if just being in his presence makes Jared’s heart beat faster.

He wonders if Jared feels the same way that he does.

 

“Hi,” Jared says suddenly his eyes glinting as he smiles down at Jensen bashfully.  “I’m Jared Padalecki; it’s a pleasure to meet you”. Jensen frowns a little as he wonders if Jared’s lost the plot or something. But as Jared looks at him he catches on eventually.

“I’m Jensen Ackles,” he says with a grin forming on his face. “It’s a pleasure to meet you too”.

“Wanna go out for a drink sometime?”

“I’d love to.” They’re inching closer now, and it feels like all of Jensen’s nerve endings are on fire. Everything he wants is right there in front of him, and it feels as though he can’t breathe. When their lips meet, it’s still as spine tingling as it was the first time. And as Jared opens up for him, their tongues tangling passionately, he wonders if they were always meant to be together. He wonders if everything was always leading up to this moment.

“Just so you know,” Jared’s a little breathless after they separate from each other, but it doesn’t stop the wide smile from gracing his face. Jensen tries not to get overly distracted by his dimples as Jared continues, “I don’t put out on the first date”.

“Yeah, I bet you don’t,” Jensen says with a snort, but, at this point, his face seems to permanently set to “smile like an idiot” mode, and Jared just sticks his tongue out at him and laughs. They sit there for a while; shoulders pressed together as the warm air envelopes them like a blanket. Jensen’s head is full of all kinds of questions about where they go from here, and whether or not Jared’s coming back. He’s gearing up to ask one when Jared stands up slowly and pulls Jensen up with him, his hazel eyes twinkling as he sighs almost dreamily as says,

“Let’s go home”.  

“And where’s that?” Jensen can’t help asking. He’ll move down to Texas if he has to, because, for him, home _is_ Jared.

“Aw, you just thought that I was ‘home’,” Jared says, and Jensen flushes slightly as he releases Jared’s hand. “I can still read mi—.“

“—minds?  Okay, what am I thinking right this second?” Jensen’s not really annoyed but he just wants an answer to his question before he freaks out and takes everything back.

“That I should hurry up and answer the question already, _and_ that you need to use the bathroom.”  It must be obvious or written on his face, because there’s no way Jared can read minds. It’s impossible.  “Home’s pretty much wherever you are, it always has been”.  He draws Jensen in for another kiss, and Jensen gives in easily.

Afterwards, they go to get Jared’s things from his motel room, and as Jensen’s drying his hands on one of the hand towels, Jared turns to him and tells him to ask the question that he’s been dying to ask already.

“You can’t really read minds can you?”

Jared’s only response is a fit of raucous laughter. It’s still the best sound that Jensen’s ever heard. And even though Jared doesn’t give an answer, Jensen’s sure that he’ll get one someday.

He’s got no intention of letting Jared go ever again.

~*~   


	14. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [based on The Mentalist]. Celebrity psychic Jared Padalecki is drawn into a cruel game with the media dubbed “Valentine Killer” when he insults him on live television. His best friend is murdered in cold blood, and that coupled with a thunderous clash with his old flame - CBI Agent Jensen Ackles - leads to him having a publicized breakdown. But soon he’s back and gunning for the murderer while trying to come to the terms with the deep running attraction between himself and Jensen. Little does he know that he’s in way over his head on both counts.

# Epilogue

_A year later…_

_**JENSEN** _

Jensen’s joking around with Chris when Jared comes shuffling into the main office with a sheepish look on his face. Jensen shakes his head fondly as Jared ducks into his office, and he excuses himself as goes over to join him. Jared’s lying on the couch with his eyes closed when he gets there, and Jensen strolls over to his desk and leans on it. The last thing he needs is Director Beaver catching them making out on the couch again; the memory of the first time will forever be burned onto his retinas.

“What did you do?” he says warily, because Jared only drops in unannounced when he’s been up to no good and banished from the unit where he does his consultant work. That happens practically every day so Jensen’s used to it by now.

“Nothing,” Jared says far too smoothly, and Jensen grabs a pen from his desk and throws it at his giant boyfriend. It hits Jared on the chest, and Jared winces slightly. “What?”

“Fess up,” Jensen says, and Jared sighs as he sits up and fixes a glum look on his face.

“I locked a claustrophobic man in a closet,” he admits, and Jensen groans inwardly.

“ _Jared!_ ” he says in an admonishing tone.

“Okay, One - he pointed a gun at me, and two - he was the killer, I really don’t see what the big deal is,” Jared says as he looks down, and all the camaraderie falls away from Jensen as he goes to join Jared on the couch.  Jared’s mostly okay these days, but he’s still prone to the odd bout of depression and the occasional nightmare. Jensen’s forever worrying about things that could send him back to his catatonic state, and some days he wished to God that Jared would find some other job to do.

“You okay?” he asks gently, and Jared nods as he snuggles into Jared’s side. They stay like that for a few moments, Jensen’s questions lingering between them before Jared moves away suddenly and smiles. Jensen fights the urge to grumble about how comfortable he’d been as Jared answers him.

“I will be after Mike makes his announcement,” he declares, and Jensen frowns as he follows Jared out of his office, and back into the main bullpen where people from each of the neighbouring departments have gathered around. Mike Rosenbaum is in charge of another CBI unit, the one where Jared happens to work, so somehow he and Jensen have managed to build up a rapport that they’d never had before.  Tom, Sandy and Chris are huddled together and Jensen

“’’Sup bitches?” Mike calls out, and Jensen winces, what Mike lacks in etiquette he makes up in leadership skills, and Jensen assumes that’s only way the man keeps himself in a job. He catches Beaver frowning as he stands at the rear of the group of agents, and he snorts to himself.  “You’re looking at Supervising Agent Rosenbaum, and I’m not going to bore you with some speech. But you can all buy me a drink later, especially if you don’t want me to fire you.” There’s some applause and a couple of whistles, and Jared cheekily calls out,

“Shoulda been Jensen!” even though he knows that Jensen deliberately didn’t put himself forward for the job.

“Or anyone but him,” Tom remarks dryly with an unimpressed look on his face. Sandy giggles quietly, while Chris asks Tom if he was born with ‘that stick in his ass or did it just grow over time’.

“What’s happening with your unit?” Jensen asks.

“I’m disbanding it, Jared’s joining you, because you’re the only one who won’t kill him, and the last thing the bureau needs is another scandal,”Mike replies as he eyes Jared warily. Jared just responds with a huge grin “Oh and maybe Agent Cortese can actually do some work instead of drooling over Sasquatch everyday.”

“Guess this means that I’m stuck with you, _Sasquatch._ ”

“Damn right you are, Jenny,” Jared says as he ropes an arm around Jensen. 

“Call me that again and I’ll be the one to kill you myself” Jared’s only response is a loud fit of booming laughter, and Jensen just revels in the sounds, grateful that Jared pulled himself out of his personal hell so that he could light up Jensen’s life.  It’s been around a year since Jared came back to California and re-joined the CBI as a consultant. Jensen’s had plenty of time since to discover just how insane Jared is, because he can’t even count the number of times Beaver’s asked him to rein Jared in. But somehow Jensen’s the only one who puts up with it, because he’s seen how lifeless and empty Jared can get and he’ll do anything to make sure that it never happens again. Even if it means that he has to indulge Jared, and his random quirks and annoying habits. Relationship-wise, they’ve managed to make it work. They still argue about Jensen’s obsession with work, and at times Jared’s complete disregard of boundaries, but they always make it through one way or another, and Jensen finally has what he wanted all along. Jared still gets down about the whole thing every once in a while, sometime it’ll be a case, or maybe something someone says that’ll set him off, and Jensen tries his best to remind Jared that he’s over it. That his past life can’t haunt him if he doesn’t let it, and most of the time it works. Jensen just takes what he can get and gives whenever he can because that’s how he and Jared work, that’s how relationships work.

_**JARED** _

Being a consultant on cases that don’t actually involve him is weird. According to Beaver he’s contracted for two years not that he ever read whatever it was that he signed in the first place. He’d just wanted access to the files and the police’s information without having to break in the building. It’s not his ideal job, but he likes it. It’s fun, dangerous, and he gets to piss off criminals. He doesn’t really do it for the pay check, or out of morality. Initially, it’d been all about undoing all of the awful things he’d done down the line. Making up for all of the lives he’d ruined by trying to rid society of more evil sons of bitches. But now it’s more about genuinely wanting to help. He’s still unconvinced about the police force as a whole, if anything it has more flaws than he does, but they’re good people trying to make a difference.  He can deal with that. Of course he could do without getting punched in the face every once in a while, but, maybe – just _maybe_ – he kind of deserves it. Not that he’ll ever admit it to anyone.

As for the case that dragged him into this, Jared doesn’t like to dwell on it. It’s in the past, and he’s slowly getting over it. Sometimes it’s easy to forget, but a lot of the time it still preys on his mind. Watching Grace getting torn apart in court while the _real_ (in his opinion anyway) culprits were dead and buried wasn’t easy. But after getting ripped to shreds by her defence lawyers, he stopped hoping that he’d understand everything. In the end it’d been straightforward, and after a few weeks of endless days in court, the jury had found her guilty on all counts. Not that any of that mattered to Jared. He didn’t think that she belonged in prison, but knew that he didn’t belong in her life anymore. He had to forget about her and move on, but that was easier said than done. He still went through those days when he’d wake up and think about all the ways in which he’d screwed up, all the ways he could have changed things. But…he couldn’t change the past. Instead of sitting around and feeling sorry for himself, Jared’s focusing on the good things in his life. After all, the one good thing to come out of this mess is that he finally has Jensen.

“So I’ll see you at home?” Jensen asks as he makes his way over to where Jared’s lying on his couch with his tattered copy of _On The Road._ They’re back in Jensen’s office, Jared waiting and reading as Jensen finishes his work for the day. He’s been down to the interview rooms a couple of times, and Jared can tell that he’s trying to hide his frustration.

“What’s up with the case?” he asks, wondering if he can help. Jensen doesn’t even try to brush it off, he gives Jared a brief lowdown and ends with,

“Short of him admitting to being at the crime scene, we can’t pin anything down on him.”

“And you’re sure he did it?” Jared asks, book already closed and tossed down onto the couch as he shrugs his jacket on. He runs a hand through his hair, and he stands up, couch straining under his weight, and heads over the door.

“Wait…You’re not going to hypnotise him are you?”

“Nope,” Jared lies. “Just going to have a friendly chat with him and tell him to play nice with my boyfriend.”

“Whatever,” Jensen says with a weary sigh as he grabs his jacket from the hook behind him after shutting down his computer. “Just make it quick and make sure that we don’t g—“

“—get caught, yes. I know,” Jared interrupts him and practically drags Jensen out of the office, waiting impatiently as he locks it.

“Try not to get yourself punched in the face this time,” Jensen says as they make their way down the hallway, reciprocating all of the called out greetings that come their way. Jared doesn’t like to brag, but he’s kind of well-liked around these parts. He grins to himself, winking as Jensen turns around and catches him.

“Your hair’s pretty messed up,” he tells Jared, and Jared frowns down at him. “They think that you’ve just gotten laid.” Oh. _Oh._ He’s not particularly bothered though, and as they step into the elevator he sighs dramatically and says,

“If only I was _that_ lucky!”

“Yeah, keep on dreaming pal,” Jensen retorts with a quiet snort, and Jared mock pouts at him and widens his eyes.  Jensen chuckles at him with a slight shake of his head. “That look didn’t work that one time you begged me to go a _Backstreet Boys_ concert with you, and it definitely won’t work now.” Jared clutches his chest even more dramatically, complete with mock outrage,

“Don’t bring the backstreet love into this, you _prude_!” The elevator doors swing open before Jensen can respond, and Jared loses interest as he thinks about the quickest way that he can get this guy to confess to murdering his wife. Light hypnosis will take longer, and deeper hypnosis is harder to undo, but Jared’s pretty confident that he’ll have the truth in about five minutes. Maybe ten depending on how good at lying the man is.

~*~

He’s done within twenty minutes _and_ he doesn’t even have to hypnotise the guy. The thing about pompous jerks is that they always think they’re smarter than everyone else. According to what Jensen told him before hand, the guy wasn’t familiar with the area where his beloved wife had been shot, going as far as to deny that he’d ever been there. All it takes is a simple deliberate flub about the locale on Jared’s part of the location, and the guy’s sneering at him, “Actually, that restaurant is two streets away jackass”.

“A-ha!” Jared exclaims in delight. “Gotcha!”. And maybe he could have handled the situation with a bit more tact, because the guy launches forward and tries to punch him. Luckily for Jared, Tom chooses that moment burst in and read the guy – whose name Jared can’t even remember – his rights.

“Hey! Hey, I know you!” the man yells as he struggles against the handcuffs Tom’s snapping onto his wrists. “You’re that asshole psychic from TV aren’t you? You’ll be hearing from my lawyers, asshole, you put those words in my head, didn’t you?” and really, no one can blame Jared for laughing. Jensen, who’s been sitting next to him quietly, just covers his face with his hand and sighs to himself, and Jared can all but see the embarrassed look he’s no doubt hiding under there.

“One, I’m not a psychic. Two - contrary to popular belief, I’m not _actually_ a God, so those words were yours buddy. You should own ‘em,” he says, and the man growls and lunges towards him, again earning Jared a hard, angry glare from Tom.

“Take him to the cells.” Jensen speaks up finally, and Tom nods curtly before dragging the disgruntled husband out of the room. He doesn’t say a word to Jared as he leaves the room and starts to make his way towards the exit. He doesn’t stop or slow down, and Jared can’t help wondering if he’s pissed him off somehow, so he hurries after him. Only to find Jensen cracking up, muffling his laughter beneath his hand, and Jared sighs in relief.  Jensen’s kind of a buzz kill when he’s angry, not that Jared would ever be foolish enough to say that to his face.

They’ve had numerous arguments about Jared’s job with the CBI, but Jared always wins, because Jensen can’t deny that he closes cases. Sure he could be doing something else, like going to school or starting up his own business, but there’s always time for that later. Right now he’s all about living in the moment, because it’s what he knows; it’s what he’s used to.

“You’re an idiot,” Jensen is saying as he sobers up. “I should have let him punch you in the face”.

“What and spend the rest of the day listening to me whine about how much I needed you to kiss it better?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Jensen says as he pulls out his sunglasses, the glare of the sun is harsh, and Jared idly tries to remember if it was supposed to rain today. “You’re going to get me fired one of these days”.

“Yeah, yeah – you love it!” Jared replies just before Jensen’s phone rings. He looks down at the display and mutters,

“Gotta take this, meet me over by the car,” as he starts to walk towards the parking lot. Jared shrugs and wonders if he can make it to the diner and back in five minutes. He’s _starving_ even though it hasn’t been that long since he ate lunch.

When he gets back with a muffin, and a jumbo sized coffee for Jensen, it’s been more like twenty minutes. The queue had been pretty long and last time he tried to sweet talk his way to the front he was met with a chorus of, “Hey, aren’t you that guy from TV? Jared Padalecki?” and signing autographs while he’s hungry is not his idea of fun.

“You know there’s a Starbucks further along the road,” Jensen remarks as Jared climbs in and slams the passenger door shut. “We could have stopped there, and you could eat that there, and that way I wouldn’t have to clean the crumbs out of my car”.

“Hey, I bought you one of those mini vacuum cleaner things!” Jared says.

“Along with a bunch of other junk,” Jensen says as he starts the car and backs out of his space. “I rue the day that we introduced you to the concept of online shopping”.

“It’s not my fault that Amazon keeps on sending me those emails!”

“Yeah, _most_ people delete them”

“Well I’m not ‘most’ people. I’m special!”

“In the head, you mean? I couldn’t agree more.”

“Sticks and stones buddy!”

“Just eat your muffin, Jared,” Jensen says with a barely contained smile. There’s a comfortable silence as they drive down the relatively busy streets, sounds of traffic and people chattering floating through the open window, and Jared’s happy for the reprieve in a way. He still remembers the earlier days after he’d come back and tentatively agreed to give this thing with Jensen a chance. Every time he’d get a little quiet, Jensen would silently worry to the point where Jared wanted to scream at him. It was understandable, but back then the strain of forcing himself to act normally had gotten to him. Eventually they’d sat down and talked about it, and Jensen didn’t worry as much, and he didn’t overcompensate as much, but sometimes he just wanted some silent time, to regroup his headspace, to just…think. And on a good day, he could do just that. Luckily for him today was a good day.

 

~*~

It’s their first night at the new joint place, and they’re already tucked up in bed by 7pm. They’ve just spent a full day dragging around and rearranging all of their new furniture. Well, Jared says “they” but really it’d been him moving everything around, while Jensen bossed him around.  Not that you’d know it with the way Jensen’s on the verge of sleep. Jared pokes him slightly, and Jensen grumbles.

“’m tired,” he mumbles, and Jared scoffs.

“Too tired to break in our new bed properly? This is meant to be a sacred moment, Jensen. Preferably one with multiple orgasms” Jensen doesn’t respond, and Jared mock sighs to himself. “Guess I’ll just have to go sort this out myself.”

“You fight dirty, Padalecki.” The bed shifts as Jensen moves and rolls over so that he’s facing Jared. “But I suppose I do owe you a reward for all of your hard work today.”

“You most certainly do,” Jared murmurs as Jensen presses a kiss to his neck and starts to travel downwards, leaving a trail of wet kisses down his chest. “And you—“the rest of his words are muffled as Jensen puts a hand over his mouth.

“No talking unless you’re screaming my name.” he says as he slips a hand into Jared’s boxers. Jared manages to stifle his moans long enough to mumble something. Jensen moves his hand, and Jared tries again.

“Like that’ll happen,” his voice is breathy as Jensen starts to jerk him off slowly. “Guess you’re going to have to do something that’ll leave me breathless.” Jensen moves back up for a kiss once again, it’s hot and dirty, and Jared can’t help chasing him as he nips Jared’s bottom lip gently and pulls back and says,

“I think I can manage that.” 

THE END.

                                   Please feel free to leave a comment [here.](http://regrets-collect.livejournal.com/4078.html) Thank you for reading!

**-BH** ****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my first year doing this challenge and for the most part it’s been fun! I hope that anyone who reads my fic enjoys it. I’d been toying with doing a J2 version of The Mentalist for some time, even to the point where I’d started it once before giving up quickly! But I decided to man up and finally buckle down and write it and here we are! As far as thanks go, I have to thank:  
> \- anon_fan for listening to me rant and whine about this endlessly, giving me updates from the comm (because I’m a ditzy idiot who kept on forgetting to track), helping me with research and just encouraging me to finish this! Thanks eckles xD
> 
> \- loverstar for the awesome art. Please be sure to check it out :)  
> \- paper_storm88 for “chewing” me on, hehe.  
> \- candygramme for offering to beta the entire thing for me when I was in *panic mode*  
> \- Becky for reading it and helping me with some of my location!fails and giving me some pointers on my original epilogue that I really needed to hear.  
> \- My twitter followers, most of whom aren’t in this fandom & my LJ flist for putting up with me literally whining about it.
> 
> And last but not least, ace_p, she’s been awesome throughout the entire thing. She put up with my hundreds of emails and rambling and never once told me to go away (like she should have lol). Without her there wouldn’t be a story for anyone to read. Cheers dork. :P
> 
> Thank you to thehighwaywoman and wendy as well for running this challenge! ♥


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